Anyone else feeling a little guilty about staying at home?

Angela - posted on 08/25/2011 ( 20 moms have responded )

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School has begun and both my kids (dd: 7 yrs.; ds: 5 yrs.) are now in school. I stayed at home while my son was younger but returned to a short working stint (about 2 yrs). Now, I'm back to being a SAHM but it's taking some adjusting to having an empty house during the day.

Most days I feel kinda guilty like I should be doing something OUTSIDE the home. I find being at home calming and rewarding. I can definitely SEE the "fruit" of my labor EVERYDAY (can't say the same for when I worked outside the home).

Am I normal to feel this way? Anyone else trying to navigate their way between those societal pressures to "be" someone and a desire to "be" that someone for your family?! Encouragement NEEDED!

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User - posted on 04/06/2012

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I was the same way my kids 9.7.6 when all started going to school and I was bymyself I felt like I wasnt doing enough because I wasnt working and they were at school. I couldnt work because if the kids got sick or something happened at school I didnt have none to relyon but me my husband works very hard so I wanted to feel like I was doing my part so I started by volunteering at the school.after a a year of volunteering I was told that they needed subs for reading groups and teacher helpers so thats what I started doing it not only kept me closer to my kids if something happened at school I found out thats were I belong after two years of subbing now Next year I'm going to be working full time there. But I understand how you feel I was getting alot of pressure What yournot working? why your kids are all in school I felt awful like I wasnt pulling my own weight in my familyWhen I tried to look for a job they gave me a hard time because I havent worked a long time to be with our three kids but thats what meand myhusband decided. so it help me not only feel usefully but I ended up with great friends

but enough about me :) Your not alone... It took me a long time to get to this point just stay strong. family and friends help. Hey at least you know your children are well loved and tooken care of what more can you ask for alll the money doesnt matter doesnt make you love your children more or less. You sound like a great mom chin up stay strong dont let anyone get you down because you are very important .... Dont ever forget that.

[deleted account]

I have been on both sides of this fence. Those who work make u feel like u are lazy. NOT SO! A stay at home mom I think has more time for housework and her kids and her husband. I don't feel a bit guilty for staying home. It is our job as Mom to make sure the kids have everything they need when they come home from school, clean clothes and food on the table and a nice clean bed. When u work u are pulled in Every direction and are exhausted all the time. When Im exhausted I am cranky and on edge and have less patience. I love being home with my child these days and would not want to give up the nesting instincts. Some people feel better about themselves if they have a job outside the home but I like it this way just fine. Different strokes for different folks. Just don't let anyone belittle U bc they have to work. Usually it is bc they are jealous of the time U have to do the thing that u want and Need to do. Hope that helps U Have a nice day :)

Drue - posted on 08/26/2011

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I have a 5 yr old and a 3 month old, i am not really at that point yet but i uderstand where your coming from. Hugs!

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Christine - posted on 04/14/2012

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I stayed at home with my kids until they were 3 and 5. It was hard but well worth the sacrifice :)

Mildred - posted on 04/12/2012

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No, I don't feel guilty at all! I love being home, and I help financially since I have a home business. And my husband likes having me home too so it's all good. You just need to make the best choice for YOU based on your family's needs and don't worry about what others think. If you find you have extra time on your hands you can always find places to volunteer, take up a new hobby, or write a book! LOL!

Patty - posted on 04/12/2012

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God made you a sahm for a reason. i see it as a gift and a blessing. enjoy it, friend! take breaks when you want, no boss to deal with, ect. is that encouragement enough?=-)

User - posted on 04/11/2012

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if you are feeling that your work at home is rewarding and you enjoy it, then you have nothing to be feeling guilty about. you are giving your family a clean home, clean clothes, homemade meals, and providing for them in ways that couldn't happen if you were working OUTSIDE the home. Good job :)

Michelle - posted on 04/08/2012

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My youngest is 10 & I am now starting to look for work but will never regret staying at home for them. I got very involved with the school which helped me being bored and also got hobbies. We are not in any way rich and missed out on alot that way but nothing can be more rewarding than being there for them.



I now look forward to my next stage in life, something just for me which obviously will give us all rewards but at the end of the day each to your own. Just be happy! :-)

Lisa - posted on 04/07/2012

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I recently resigned from a full time position working 40 hours a week. I worked that job for 4and a half years. I enjoyed only parts of the job. it was bittersweet when I left. Now a mom of a 13 year old and a 10 year old I stay at home. For the most part i stay busy with household chores and running errands. I also was able to complete some tasks around the house that just did not get done while I was working. I do get bored though and at times wish I was still working. When the time is right and the right job finds me then I will be working again. I do sometimes feel guilty and feel that I am not contributing to the family income right now. My husband is very supportive and wants me to find a job that I will be happy doing not stressed all the time. My husband works long hours so right now me being at home when the kids get out of school fits our schedule.

User - posted on 04/06/2012

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I was the same way my kids 9.7.6 when all started going to school and I was bymyself I felt like I wasnt doing enough because I wasnt working and they were at school. I couldnt work because if the kids got sick or something happened at school I didnt have none to relyon but me my husband works very hard so I wanted to feel like I was doing my part so I started by volunteering at the school.after a a year of volunteering I was told that they needed subs for reading groups and teacher helpers so thats what I started doing it not only kept me closer to my kids if something happened at school I found out thats were I belong after two years of subbing now Next year I'm going to be working full time there. But I understand how you feel I was getting alot of pressure What yournot working? why your kids are all in school I felt awful like I wasnt pulling my own weight in my familyWhen I tried to look for a job they gave me a hard time because I havent worked a long time to be with our three kids but thats what meand myhusband decided. so it help me not only feel usefully but I ended up with great friends

but enough about me :) Your not alone... It took me a long time to get to this point just stay strong. family and friends help. Hey at least you know your children are well loved and tooken care of what more can you ask for alll the money doesnt matter doesnt make you love your children more or less. You sound like a great mom chin up stay strong dont let anyone get you down because you are very important .... Dont ever forget that.

Ellie Richardson - posted on 04/04/2012

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I find myself a little envious of you because I cant say I dont miss being able to see the kids when they get home from school. I work mostly second shift and sometimes first shift at my job. I was a stay at home mom for a while till all my kids were old enough to enter preschool an I immediately started back working again. I think its wonderful that u can Help them with homework and spend lots of quality time with them. I think for me in my opinion its completely normal to feel the way u do. I caught alot of slack from people when i was a stay at home mom. Every persons life is not going to be functional for every body else. You and your family have to do what works for u. Good Luck and be blessed

User - posted on 04/04/2012

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when my little boy went to kindergarten, i took me a bit of time to adjust to empty house even it was for few hours. But, it helps to do lot of things when the kids are not at home. I am trying to get more involved with community outside the house but I realized that my house suffers more and I get to tired to be with kids when they come back from school. I started to feel guilty as well, but then I understood that like it or not, my life is going to be around the house and not in office any longer. I Know that lot of countries look down on SAHM ,but I think is the choice that we make. And the kids need us, to come to a organized , clean home and calm mommy. I dont know if that was help though :-)

Jenny_D - posted on 04/01/2012

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My children are not in school yet so I am not exactly in your shoes, but as a SAHM, I have thought about that for the future - do I work outside the house when they are both in school, or do I stay home to take care of the house and errands? There are positives to both. If you work out of the house, you will be earning money, but being home, like you said you actually see the fruit of your labor everyday. If your family can come home to a house that is in order, dinner being made, mom helping them with homework, etc, there is something very rewarding and necessary about that...not to mention comforting to the children (and you). If you work, you might not be home the same time as them, then you will have to rush around to get dinner done and all the necessary chores which leaves you no time to really enjoy your family.



I think what it comes down to is if you NEED to work out of the house for extra money. If not, I personally think it is more beneficial for a family to have the mother home taking care of all the necessities during they day so they can have more of you at night (that stands true for your husband too, not just the children). Plus, I have always said that I would rather have time with my family while I can, rather than excess money... just a thought...:)

Pamela - posted on 03/30/2012

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I worked full time for many years and decided to stay home after our 9 year old son was born. I still feel guilty like you, especially when my husband doesn't want me to stay at home. He doesn't support me at all with my business I've started from home. So, creates a double guilty feeling. He and my son don't think I do anything at home except make soaps for my business. I'm doing pretty well, but still, I feel guilty at home. I don't want to be!! I want my husband to appreciate my desire to be a businesswoman who wants to do well.



You should not feel guilty being home if you enjoy it, and don't feel pressure by your family. I think it's awesome that you're home for the kids. They need us as much as possible. I'm glad my mom didn't work, it was wonderful to come home to her rather than being toted off to a day care.



They will appreciate what we've done when they're older. As far as my husband....when my business takes off, I may too with my son. I will always make my son a priority over working outside the home. However, those that have to work, you can still be a good parent, it's just harder. I raised two daughters who are now in their early 30's and did the full time working all through their childhood. I truly missed out on SO much because I was too busy working and too tired at night to provide quality time.



Best of luck to ou.

Pamela

http://www.etsy.com/shop/pamelaroberson?...

(In case you'd like to see my soaps) :)

Bree - posted on 03/30/2012

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I love being at home! Even when my son is at school during the day, there is always something to be done around the home. If you have the means to stay home, and jobs are few and far between anyway, then I say stay home and enjoy it! I know my son loves the fact that I pick him up from school, and I take him to school. I remember a time when my mother was layed off from work and I absolutely loved having her there when I got out of school! I hated it when she had to go back.

[deleted account]

Angela you probably need a good long break if your youngest has just started school!



But in the long run... if the kids are out of the house for 6 hours every day, you can clean the house, do the shopping, cook some great meals, do some exercise, see a friend.... and there is still going to be a lot of time on your hands.



Michelle Tait I think I disagree with you a little bit in that I don't believe it's enough just to say "I'm looking after my kids, my husband and myself therefore that's enough". If you have time on your hands and you don't need to work, what's wrong with giving something back to the community? Helping at the school? Looking after people in need?



It makes me sad to think of SAHMs (with all their kids at school) at home on their own keeping their houses immaculate. That's just a waste of a human resource in my opinion.

[deleted account]

I honestly just wonder what is wrong with our society? You are doing the most challenging job in this life. It is nearly impossible for most people to be responsible for their own darn selves, let alone a husband and children! NO ONE should ever feel guilty for dedicating your life to OTHERS! "Social pressure" is a fancy way of saying that everyone wishes they could do what you do...

Toni - posted on 03/22/2012

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I feel guilty sometimes too. My DS is 6 and in 1st grade. My in laws and best friend tell me that I should be "doing something" since I'm alone all day. I'm about to have another baby in about a week and a half so hopefully for all the people that say I should be "doing something" this will make them be quiet.



I feel that I am doing a service at home. My child always has me available when he needs me, laundry is done, cooking, groceries are all complete. I get tired from all the errands, but I feel rewarded by accomplishing these things. My husband always has the things he needs and it makes for more time in the evening to spend with my family.

Margaret - posted on 08/27/2011

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I also feel guilty sometimes, like I am not living up to what is expected of me (by whom, I'm not sure). I also get great satisfaction out of being at home. I know my kids are happy, I can be involved at school, I know what is going on in their lives. My husband is fine with me staying at home, it makes his life easier and happier too. I know it is my choice, and I shouldn't have to justify it to all those who might wonder what I am doing all day, but sometimes that is how I feel. Then I think to myself, when I look back over my life, I'll never regret spending as much time as I have with my kids.

Tamara - posted on 08/26/2011

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I think its normal to feel that way, I feel the same way the begining of every year then I start to fill my days with things and then it passes, I hope it passes for you too.

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