at what age should i talk tomy boys about sex? or should my husband do the talking

Michelle - posted on 03/14/2010 ( 8 moms have responded )

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i have 3 boys the oldest will be 11 in july...the youngest is 6, they already hear things from friends and school and i know they know the difference in a boy and girl...should i do the talking to my boys or should my husband and when is the best age to do so????

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I have three boys too and my oldest is also 11 i never sat down and did the talk with them. I let them ask the questions as they arose and i answered them age appropriately but truthly. My 11 year old knows everything now as does my 9 year old. I think the big talk at a certain age is normally too much to take in one go and usually a few years too late. I suppose it depends on where you live and what your son is like but in my area i have heard of boys as young as 13 being sexually active so i wouldnt drag my feet if i were you.

Rebecca - posted on 03/15/2010

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my approach is to answer questions in an age appropriate manner when they are raised, or if they don't ask a direct question, but make comments that indicate some knowledge of sex, then sit down and talk to them about the comment and what it means (they probably won't really know in detail) and use that as an opportunity to talk about sex. with my 5 year old, it was her singing about being sexy that initiated the conversation, because i don't 5 year olds should be sexy.

i don't think it really matters which parent does the talking, but i think one-on-one is important and it is important to state that they can approach either parent if they want to know more. some kids (especially pre-teens and teens) don't want to talk to their parents about sex, so you might help them identify another trusted adult that both parents and child feel comfortable with that they can ask as well.

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Nicole - posted on 03/25/2010

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I also have 3 boys, 12, 9 and 4... I started talking to the older ones a little at a time about boys and girls and feelings. I left the boy part issue to the dad because how could I tell them anything about that :) But I keep our relationship open about sex and feelings. I know my 12 yr old has an idea about what sex is like being naked, but thats it, he said something about he knows women get preg. by sperm...I asked him where that came from and he said IDK spit. lol I left it at that.

Heidi - posted on 03/24/2010

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Very true Teasha. Especially this day and age. It is very important for even young children to know what it is. AND know the "good touch. bad touch" thing.

Teasha - posted on 03/15/2010

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I think you both should and it it never too early once the child can understand that they are a boy or girl.

Rebecca - posted on 03/15/2010

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@Susanne, i agree that it should not be one big sit down talk as it is too much information for one sitting. what it should be is to establish open communication with your children about anything relating to sex and sexuality. for example, with my daughter when she was singing a song about being sexy, i didn't give one big talk about sex. i first asked her if she knew what sexy meant, and then explained to her that it means 'sexually attractive' and then explained that sex is something that adults do and that children should not be doing. she asked a couple of questions and quickly lost interest, but i told her she can ask me anything about sex that she wants.

i have also spoken about sex with her in the context of sexual predators and what to do in particular situations (e.g. going to the park without an adult). we are still working through the what if scenarios and we don't let her go out on her own yet, but it is important i think to equip our kids with the know-how of what to do if approached by strange adults, or what to do if touched inappropriately by adults (even ones they know).

parents frequently wait because they are uncomfortable talking to kids about such things, but kids are just looking for factual information, and equipping them with the language of sex will help protect them and help them communicate with you, if -- god forbid -- any one did try to molest them.

i read this book called 'protecting the gift' which said that the most vulnerable children were the ones who hadn't been spoken to by their parents about sex, and who had been made to feel sex was a taboo subject ... this makes them more vulnerable because then they won't talk about the taboo subject even if someone is harming them.

Cynthia - posted on 03/14/2010

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I have a 5 year old son so havent had to do this yet, but i also have a 20 year old daughter. I discussed it with her when she started asking questions and when she got her period. I believe when the boys bodies are changing and confusing them is when you should talk to them. that is when I will. If their bodies are doing stuff the don't understand it is better for you or your husband to discuss it with them so they get the facts and not stuff from their friends. hope this helped

Bel - posted on 03/14/2010

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I think when they start asking questions thats when you would start, but b4 they turn 15. Thats what i did and it worked out well!

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