At Wits End w/8 Yr Old Son

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Missy - posted on 12/20/2012

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Just because they're twins doesn't make them the same person. Quit comparing them and expecting him to be like the twin you favor ( behavior wise ) because it's not going to happen to the extent you want it to. Twin B is probably tired of you giving so much time and attention to his brother ( even if it is negative) and Twin A is probably tired of always getting in trouble for not measuring up to his brother. If you're tired of reminding him, get a chart and list what he needs to do each morning and make him responsible for doing them. Give rewards for getting things done. Take away privelages for not doing them. He "refuses" to clean his room and take school seriously? Then "refuse" to let him watch TV or play video games until the room is clean and he starts getting good grades on his assignments. If he pees on the floor then he needs to clean it up. He's 8 so he doesn't need you to tell him when to poop. If he doesn't then he can suffer the natural consequences of being constipated. The fact he's breaking things and being destructive is a sign he's angry about something. Probably about never feeling good enough. So he gets tired of TKD-he's 8! If it's all the time take him out of it-maybe he needs a break. If he insists he wants to keep it up then tell him to quit fooling around. The reason Twin B doesn't get in as much trouble is because he is watching everything Twin A gets in trouble for and avoids doing that. Take some time to really play or spend time with each twin and build up your relationships with some fun times so you have more positive interactions than negative ones. Some kids do need more prompting than others. It doesn't make them bad. My teenagers still need prompting sometimes. I think a psychologist or counselor would help as well. This just sounds so much like me and my brother growing up...

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Artese - posted on 01/03/2013

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Thank you all for your comments on the matter. I deleted it b/c I was just stressed out. I really appreciate all of you who gave POSITIVE advice. To the one that was negative, first of all, I do not tell my kids anything negative to their faces. I do not call them names. Nor do I compare them to one another. The boys tend to do stupid stuff anyway. As far as him being tired at TKD, it becomes a problem when he 1st gets there, he acts as though he's tired and gets in trouble just to sits out. I know everyone, kids included, have their bad days and that's fine. Also, I do spend time with my children and so does my hubby. Tavian is just the way that he is. So, I will love him anyway.

Ariana - posted on 12/27/2012

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I would make a visual for what he has to do. So make a picture themed thing 'list' that shows, someone washing their face, brushing teeth right near the window in the bathroom, possibly make something where he checks off that he's done it. Do this with any problem areas you have.

For peeing stuff, at this age if he pees on the floor, or in his pants, have him clean it up, and get his own clothes together. I'm not saying this as a mean punishment but as a lifeskill he needs to know how to clean up after himself. Plus if he knows he's going to have to go scrub his pants and throw them in the wash, or clean up pee on the floor, he might try harder not to do it.

Also connect his behavior to how much tv/video games he gets. If he's making it hard for you to work on homework then obviously he needs less tv/games to distract him. Same with breaking/cutting things, if he's doing that he shouldn't be allowed to watch tv or play games, he should also be responsible for either fixing the broken/ruined thing, or paying for it out of his allowance (if he has one), or at least for part of it. So if he ruins some pants and he gets $5 a week take a week of his allowance away (or something like that). For bigger things, like a sreen window have him lose 2 or 3 weeks allowance etc.

If he refuses to clean his room take all the toys out of his room. Not hard to clean something that's there's nothing in. Once all the things are taken away you can speak with him and tell him you will slowly allow him to have his toys/items back as long as he works on cleaning up his room. If he refuses he doesn't get it back, if he agrees go slow. Help him organize his room so that everything has a place and he knows where it goes. Put pictures on where each thing is so that he doesn't feel so disorganized (cars go here, animals go here etc.).

He may have some underlying condition that if affecting his organizational skills. Is is possible he has ADD? I would get him checked out.

TKD is definitely good for him, don't pull him out of that or anything!

It sounds like you really need to help him get oraganized.

Alexis - posted on 12/27/2012

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make him earn the TV and Video game time. make a list of all the things he needs to do in the morning, dont make him do his homework but if his gades drop he doesnt get TV or video games. if he doesnt clean up his room, pack up everything on the floor and have him earn that back too or take him to donate it to needy kids that will take care of their stuff since he wont (my parents did that to me, needless to say, they only had to do that once).... star charts work wonders, they have to earn stars with behavior or chors to get privlages... and they can loss stars too.

Barbara - posted on 12/20/2012

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I agree with Michelle you need to get to the root of the problem and get the doctor involved especially since he is a twin and you have no problems with the other twin.

Michelle - posted on 12/20/2012

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go an talk to your doctor about what you are describing perhaps he can help you get to the bottom of why he is not learning and retaining info the way his brother is.

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