bad mother

Teresa - posted on 04/23/2010 ( 1 mom has responded )

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I did not have great role models for parents. My father was an abusive alcholic and my mother was mentally abusive. When I was 15 my mom and dad divorced and he remarried with two new step-daughters. At age 19 I had my son. Was a teen-age mom with no help and no clue how to be a parent. I just knew I didnt want to be abusive or make the same mistakes as my parents did. So I struggled with my son for the past 18 years of his life so far. We have our ups and downs. He has had his moments of attitude and doing bad things, but i have tried my best. My daughter a couple of years ago was being bullied in school, she became depressed. During that same time my grandma and sister passed away, which my daughter was extremely attached too, so she became even more depressed and even suicidal. She was 10. So I asked my brother to take her for the summer to give her a change of scenerary. After the summer ended, my brother asked if he could keep her and try her out at the school where he lives. He has had her for two years now. Her grades improved, she is happy, involved in several school activities and has lost a ton of weight. Now she wants to move back home, she misses the family. I told her I refuse to put her back in her old school. I told her I would be willing to move up to her which is two hours away so she can stay in the school she is at now. But she wants to come home because she misses family. So I said if she comes back we would move over to the next town so she can go to a different school. My dad took her aside the other day and said, he dosnt think she should come back home, because i am a bad mother who cant take care of her like her uncle can, and she will just end up as bad as my son. My family is constantly calling me a bad mother and I am sooo sick of it. I dont hit or abuse my kids in anyway. My son does not do drugs, he stands up for other kids that might be in trouble at school. This one boy struck his girlfriend at school and my son stuck up for her and defended her. All in all he is a good kid. He has faults, but so does the rest of us. But honestly i don't know what to do. I want my daughter to be happy and I dont know how to prove to my family that I am a good mom or to get them to stop calling me a bad mom. Help.

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Laurie - posted on 04/23/2010

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It is very difficult to erase family perceptions. What IS important though, is to do what is right for your family right now, not to do what family thinks you ought to do.
I think your idea to move to where she is right now might be a very good idea if it is 'do-able' for you. She would continue on in the school and activities where she has had success, your brother would be there, close at hand, if you needed advice, and you would have a little more difference between you and famiy members who seem free to tell your daughter what a lousy mother you are (which won't help your mother/daughter relationship one bit!)
Weigh out the pro's and con's and make such an iimportant decision both wisely and slowly. Set out to "prove" the family's views of your parenting skills wrong by raising your children wisely and giving it time to happen.
May God give you the strength and wisdom to do this. Get involved with people who will come alongside you and be supportive and helpful.

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