behavior issues with 3 boys

Nancy - posted on 10/07/2013 ( 1 mom has responded )

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it seems no matter what i do or how much i have dedicated my life to my kids theres no listening to me. my 7, 3, and 2 yr old boys are just so bad and its like a waterfall effect. started with the 7 yr old and has gone down. as of right now the 7 yr old and 3 yr old r playing in the bathroom. the 7 yr old walks out but i have to pick up the 3 yr old kicjing screaming and telling me im a bad mom. i have tried everything from time outs to taking things away and nothing works. im 27 now but was 19 when my oldest was born and my husband and i have done it all on our own. no advice nor support from family. help i feel like im failing my children.

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Debbie - posted on 10/08/2013

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Hi Nancy,
I have raised three children and have a son with 4 boys and 1 girl. It can be a very difficult thing to be a mother who really wants to raise responsible children these days. It seems no one wants to take responsibility for anything. I raise my hat to you for your efforts. I found boys to be much easier than girls in relation to emotional distress. Boys are more like young bucks with new velvet on their newly acquired antlers who have to fight and wrestle with the other bucks and trees to get the velvet off as soon as possible! Helping them learn to respect women is one of the most important things you can help them learn as well as taking responsible actions and being accountable. Stand your ground with them. If you ask them to do something, make sure you follow through with it even when you are called the worst mom in the world. Sometimes our homes can feel like a combat zone when all we want is love at home, but raising righteous and loving siblings as well as responsible community builders takes time and conscientious effort. I have found a belief in God and a prayerful effort makes up for our lack of understanding and gives relief both to those with stewardship and to the stewards. I also found a book that gave me profound help and real solutions as a struggling young mother. It was a token system that I have never seen used the way it was used In this book. It was simple, and made for mom's success, but the children respond so well that they wouldn't let me quit using it. There is a reward list, but it is counterintuitive. They have to use tokens they earn for good behavior to choose something from the list. This could be anything, but not necessarily toys or purchased items. More things like, Mom will pick up my toys, mom will make my bed, Stay up 30 minutes later on a school night. The author of this amazing book is quick to state, we do these things anyway, lets let the children pay us to do it happily and cheerfully. They work happily and cheerfully to earn the tokens doing whatever we ask them to do the first time they are asked. It was a life altering experience for both me and my children. My once defiant 10-year-old, who threw temper tantrums put her arms around me and thanked me for the happy face tokens and told me she felt much happier. She was doing all the work. She told me, I was the best mom in the whole world where before all we did was fight. I didn't solve all the problems, but in my opinion, solved 85% of them and I got what I wanted: Happy children who loved me and each other who developed a love for God, education, and service to others. I guess I forgot to tell you the name of the book. It is The Happy face token system or From Combat Zone to Love at Home. There are lots of good reviews about it. I think it has been around awhile, but it's worth the investigation. It's really good for difficult children and single mothers really love it. Good luck.

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