behavoir in the suppermarket?

Rachel - posted on 10/19/2011 ( 16 moms have responded )

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I was wondering at what age should kids be exspected to keep their hands to themselfs in the grocery store. Like not pointing at everything and asking if they can have it. Putting things in the cart that i don't intend on buying. Paceing up and down the asiles and not listning when i say no to not getting something.

I ask this because sometimes i really wonder if my step kiddo's parents ever tought him how to behave in public. He's ten years old and i know his granparents teach him manners but for about the last year hubby has been taking him grocery shopping with him cause he's pretty strong and can help unload the car and bring stuff in. Plus it makes him feel wanted and helpful when he goes grocery shopping with us.

When i had the aboved mentioned exsperience, with him at the grocery store i asked hubby if he was always like that and he said yes.

My concern is i just got my almost 3 year old to stop those behavors. I think he's setting a back example for his little brother but hubby and a friend of mine say that its normal behavoir for a ten year old and it dosen't ever really stop.

Am i over reacting to exspect him to behave at least as much as my 3 year old or is the age difference like apples and oranges and i can't compare?

i just can't belive that this has been going on for a year and i didn't know about it.

thanks for any advice in advance. i love this place

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Di - posted on 10/20/2011

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10 years old is old enough to behave. Maybe give him some responsibilities and let him choose one treat at the end. As for constantly asking for stuff- just keep saying no. Good luck!

Jodi - posted on 10/23/2011

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@ Sylvia, you'd be surprised how NOT on the same page I am with my ex, but anyway. The point is, at the age of 10, this sort of behaviour isn't acceptable to me at all. I can understand that it could be an issue with a special needs child, but your average child? At 10, they should well and truly understand that this sort of behaviour is not okay.

Sherri - posted on 10/23/2011

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Although I think it is okay to occasionally ask for something. If I say no that is simply the end of it and we move on.

They most definitely would never pitch a fit,
wander They never touch the shelves without permission, put anything in the cart without permission. Etc.

I have to say I wouldn't put up with that at 3 never mind 10.

Tammy - posted on 10/22/2011

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My 3 year old is well behaved at the supermarket and most other stores, that is unless she's really tired and wants to just leave. When she sees something she likes, I let her hold it when we are in the store and she tells me when she is done and we put it back. Recently, I bought her a child size shopping cart, that we take with us to the supermarket and she just loves to walk next to me and have things in her cart. It keeps her busy and anything that doesn't belong in the cart (doesn't happen too often), when it's time to check out, I just quietly tell the sales clerk to not include it.

Nicola - posted on 10/21/2011

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I've expected my kids to have good behaviour no matter where they are forever they are now 10 and 6 and helpful in the super market they are aloud to choose some things fot themselves like what cereal but know the types they aren't aloud at all(froot loops eww). i think giving them some responsibility definatly helps them behave and stay interested even if its just being the runner who puts the stuff in the trolley.

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Donna - posted on 11/10/2011

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Kids are always exploring. You just need to explain to them what is acceptable and what is not. The world is a learning experience.

[deleted account]

Ditto Sylvia.... they don't 'sneak' stuff into the cart. More like they just stick it in there hoping I'll say yes. We're quite casual though and they know where the line is and don't cross it. ;)

Rachel - posted on 10/21/2011

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its all good you guys. i was surprizes too at the responses. maybe i just exspect too much outta my kids but i was outright embarassed and felt like i had failed him in some way. He only see's his bio mom 4 hrs a week if she even bothers to come get him and she dosn't take him to the grocery store. she just puts him on video games and goes back to bed to sleep off her hangover. so thats the situation.
But i thought within the last 3 years i had failed him. He should know thats not appropriate from the way things are strucktured when i take him other places and what i exspect from him at home.
i do appricate all the suggestions on how to help him be a part of the trip (help makeing the lists sending him down the aseile to grab an item, i can't send him across the store to get stuff he will follow people around and nag them about a video game he just got and wont leave them alone even when they tell him to bug off so he need to be within eye sight)

i guess he dose kind of have two household tho, he spends alot of time at the grandparents house but they call us and ask what our rules are and enforce those. So all and all he gets pretty consistant rules. Its just this hasn't been adressed before. But i do agree that split households are no excuse for them not to behave when they are with me.

Thank you all for your help and suggestions. Alot of you have said this is normal but im relived to hear that a few of you say its unacceptable.

i'm glad i joined this group, i've gotten alot of help from you guys.

Sylvia - posted on 10/21/2011

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I think that's great, Jodi. Seriously. I'm going to guess that you and your co-parents do a good job of cooperating and collaborating so that rules and expectations are similar and the kids' best interests are put first. That's how it should be.

Unfortunately for many, many kids in blended or two-household (for lack of a better term) families, that's not the case. My father always wanted to be the "fun" parent and would never enforce rules, leaving that almost 100% to my mom (although he was also the one who spanked us if we p*ssed him off just a little bit too much -- he was what's known as a "permissive-punitive" parent); after they split up, as a result of his affair with a grad student (later wife #4), he not only spent his time with us trying to buy our affection by letting us do/have whatever we wanted but pretty much refused to talk to my mom about anything at all whatsoever, and when he did he sometimes threw things, so you can imagine how much cooperative co-parenting went on in our family :P My 9-year-old DD has a friend at school whose parents share custody (she lives with dad, but spends one night/week and alternate weekends with mum), and this poor kid has two completely different sets of house rules, plus her parents not only can't be in the same room without arguing but also, and not just once in a while, will trash-talk each other to random people -- the last time I spoke to the dad he was telling me how *he* wanted to send their DD to a private Montessori school, but they couldn't because his ex "hasn't gotten around to getting a real job so we could be a two-income family". SO INAPPROPRIATE! I mean, you can say stuff like that to a friend, but I'm not this guy's friend, I'm his daughter's friend's mum -- I have to be able to get along with both her parents, I'm not going to take sides unless one of them is being abusive or something.

That's probably an extreme case -- I'm just saying, most divorced/separated parents I've known in my life have not had a 100% successful track record at collaborative co-parenting. And for a lot of kids, just moving from home to home all the time can be very stressful, even when the parents do work together well.

Sorry for the thread hijack, Rachel...

Jodi - posted on 10/20/2011

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"This kind of stuff can be harder for kids who have several parents in two different households"

Maybe for some, but I have kids with several parents from two different households too, and it isn't an issue either. We are a blended family, and I've never had issues with any of them - bio OR step children.

Sylvia - posted on 10/20/2011

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Jodi, my DD has never pitched a supermarket fit over not getting something she wanted, either (which is not to say she's never had a public meltdown, because she totally has!). She's 9 now and definitely knows to take "no" for an answer -- she will sometimes sneak something into the cart, but she doesn't do it in the expectation of success, more as a joke.

This kind of stuff can be harder for kids who have several parents in two different households (I know this from my own childhood experience as well as from observing some of DD's friends...), because it's not always easy for them to keep track of the different expectations and they are naturally going to test the boundaries.

Jodi - posted on 10/20/2011

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I must just have unusual kids, by the sounds of all the other posts. I would have said that it isn't uncommon for a child that age to ask, but upon getting a no as the answer, that's where it would end. I have NEVER had a child that age sneak anything into the cart without my knowledge, and by that age they know better than to continue to nag me about it because it simply doesn't work :\

Kim - posted on 10/19/2011

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I think that asking/begging for things at the grocery store (and any other store for that matter) is a common behavior for kids, and even placing items in the cart is an issue we've nearly all experienced. How many of us have had to deal with all-out tantrums in the middle of the supermarket because our child wants something and we said 'no!'? I think most of us would raise our hands. Just like any other undesirable behavior, it can be 'unlearned' through teaching that it is not acceptable and following through every time it happens. Every kid is different, and it may take what seems like a very long time to correct the behavior, but it is possible! I make a list with my kiddo, then give it to her to 'be in charge of'- this takes her mind off of 'me, me, me' (natural mindset for children) and directs/focuses her energy on her task. But I really think it should be a 'united effort' with your hubby- consistency in setting the rules for behavior is important too. Be consistent, but be patient if he doesn't change overnight. Hope this helps :)

[deleted account]

My girls (turning 10 in December) always ask for stuff they want. Sometimes they even try to stick something in the cart. They are smart enough and behaved enough to know that if I say no (which I don't always do, but do frequently)... they put it back. My 3.5 year old son is only out of the cart if I'm only picking up one or two items and not USING a cart.

It's just all part of the fun of shopping by yourself w/ 3 kids..... :)

Sylvia - posted on 10/19/2011

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Supermarkets are carefully designed to tempt and trick you into buying stuff you don't need. A supermarket is like a vast smorgasbord of overstimulation for kids.



Ten years old is plenty old enough help make the shopping list, be in charge of checking stuff off the list, and be sent on errands to other parts of the store to save time. Having some responsibility might just make the difference between bored-hungry-overstimulated-and-hyper and engaged-enough-in-doing-something-useful-to-successfully-ignore-the-Froot-Loops ;)

Amy - posted on 10/19/2011

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I think it's pretty normal for any child to ask for items that mom and dad don't typically buy at a grocery store. My 5 year old asks for stuff I usually just tell him no or he gets to get one item that I wouldn't normally buy. He doesn't put stuff in the cart though without my knowledge and he's not allowed to wander up and down aisles. I do agree that there needs to be rules while in the grocery store so maybe it's he has to keep a hand on the cart at all times or he can't be more then 5 steps away from the cart. You could also have him help find items in the aisle that you're in that you need to buy, that might help keep him busy.

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