Could any suggest a way to stop a 5 year old from biting people including other children and adults.

Julie - posted on 06/24/2011 ( 20 moms have responded )

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My daughter is struggling with her five year old boy who is biting and hurting other children he is only tiny however despite of every effort nothing seems to work and now their talking about expelling him from school he is only 5 for goodness sake any suggestions that does not include violence welcome

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Cherie - posted on 06/27/2011

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I have been a childcare provider for ten years now and have worked with many children who bite, including my own daughter. First I would give him something that is apropriate for him to bite like a small teething ring and let him keep it in his pocket or you can use a pacifier clip to hook it to his shirt. Then I shadow the child who is biting, I never move more that a few feet from them. When I see them getting upset or about to bite I quickly but gently put the teething ring near their mouth and say "bite this not your friend." I do not shove it in their mouth, I just make it available to them. Then I give them the words that they should use. Such as, "Please give me back my toy" or "Stop doing that I don't like it". Children who bite have learned that biting either makes the other child stop doing something or makes them drop a toy. He may need to chew on something to help him to calm down when he becomes angry, this is not unusual for many children. He needs help learning to use the correct words instead of using his teeth. This can be a long process and I don't know if his teachers are up for it but I have never had to remove a child from my child care for biting. Try this method and see if it helps. He is not a bad child he just needs to be taught a better way to handle conflict and frustration. Good luck!

Cherie

User - posted on 09/27/2013

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Th anks everyone for all your suggestions. I bought him a chew stick that is designed for biting and chewing issues which is clipped to a lanyard with a safety snap. However my daughter tells me the school won't let him use it as they say the other children will want one. So He uses it when he comes for a weekend or holiday with me (Gran) He is still chewing cloths at home however we have not had anymore biting of children this is now gone way past biting his now uses his fist or shouts he maybe small however his punch is very strong and he has hurt other pupils and teachers despite one to one supervision. They still refuse to test him for reason for this behaviour other than blaming either my daughter claiming its because she is unable to parent him better. she has tried everything they have suggested and more without any success despite this they still refuse to test for Autism, Asperger's, ADHD or ADD he is now 7 he will be 8 in January. I'm still trying to find out where we can have this done privately . all the negative comments have totally demoralised my daughter who now believes she is a bad mother and gets very upset she can't understand why they tested her sister and herself when they were far younger so she feels they just don't believe that she is trying which is not true she is getting more and more paranoid as though everyone is judging her in a negative way. If this goes on much longer they are going to make her ill.

Hannah - posted on 06/30/2011

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Yes, my husband bit my daughter back. I was shocked but she never did it again. Don't now of any other techniques but that worked for us.

Meg - posted on 06/28/2011

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My first thought is when is this behavior happening. THere is a reason for all behavior. There needs to be quick consequences for it. Also, finding out what is causing it and teaching other behaviors. It might be possible that he has other issues that need to be evaluated.

Guddi - posted on 06/28/2011

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hi,
try giving him more attention & include him in all the activity you do. sometimes kids tend to do something like this to get an attention.Give him rewards if he do something good or even try to do something good.See that helps.He should feel he is special without him being bad.

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Julie - posted on 09/25/2013

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Hi everyone thanks for all your suggestions unfortunately we have tried biting back love and light the biting poem consequences bite charts rescue remedy autistic chew stick which clips to him these are specially designed for biting and cheeing cloths common in austisim or aspergers star charts reward systems stars stickers he now as 1 to one both at school and at home and when he visits me. We pressent a united front so he can't play one off against the other the only thing that not been done despite family history is a full blood work up to test for adhd add or aspergers even though other people with vast experience tell us they believe he should be on Ritalin or similar does anyone know how we can ger this done privatley at what cost. However thank you for trying to
Help.
help

Julie - posted on 09/16/2013

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It seems so long since I posted this I think he was 5 he's now 7 and thing got worse until school involved professionals 2 years later they have constantly tried to blame my daughter because she is an easy target due to learning disabilities. We have tried everything we have asked them to test fir aspergerger syndrome, autisim, and ADHD ADD they refuse saying he's just a naughty boy who wants his own way. We have talked to him, shown him how it feels, star charts bribery smacks ( which he doe not react too. He seems to have no understanding of pain growls or makes other angry animal noises when he does that we have to grab him and hold him till he calms down. We have given them all the symptoms of any of these conditions even the family history both mum and dad have Adhd and 5 other members of the family now adults who all attended special needs school or were taken into residential schools. We just don't understand why they are refusing to test him his brother who died who was born with severe congenital problems he also made animal. sounds when people annoyed him however he had a Larangealoesophagus cleft grade 3 / 4 and did not speak he does not remember his brother he was only 3 months when he died. Now I'm trying to find out how much it will cost to go private in the UK. I worry about both my Grandson and daughter I don't want to lose my Grandson in the system just because the education system find it easier to blame my daughter than actually do test or refused to listen to concerns the thing is all his development is behind he is tiny underweight and is behind his peers by more than 2 years . We love him so much however we just don't know where to turn .

Danielle - posted on 09/13/2012

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my daughter is 4 an she is in the same boat she i noticed bites kids when she mad or just dont get her way iv tried the biting back an i dont work an also the time outs she seems like it dont bother her that i hurt her back or even sat her in timeout i am struggling to t get this to stop an she starting school im afraid she is gunna get kicked out

Marina - posted on 06/30/2011

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explain to him how much it hurts others , or download emotions fans from sparklebox , teaching him how people feel when they are bitten

Casey - posted on 06/30/2011

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Im not goin to say why I think hes bitting at 5 years old but I will tell you what I think may work. I did a few different things when my son was bitting. He got his botton smacked. Not hard mind you. I know the law when it comes to spanking. We bit him back. Just hard enough for him to feel that it hurts. That was at a younger age and prolly wouldnt be a good idea for a 5 yr old. and he got timeout and he got a lil older. The daycare I worked at had a poem that was sent home on what they called a bitting report. Here it is my son loved it.
Teeth are not for bitting they are for chewing and smiling.
I dont know why but it worked for my son. At his age you could try the reward system if he doesnt bite he gets a reward if he does he gets something taken away. When he doesnt have any toys he might think twice about bittin someone. I hope this work. Good Luck

Amber - posted on 06/29/2011

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I know you say no violence, but the only way I've seen extreme cases remedied was by biting back. Granted a lot of people think this is cruel, and I would agree because most parents take that to the extreme and bite too hard, but if you only do it enough to make them aware of the fact it hurts, and don't leave marks, then I'm for it if all other options have been exhausted.

Aside from that, talk to t he teachers about taking away ALL fun activities while he is at school. No P.E. class (if there is a fun game being played), no Snack at Snack Time, no Recess...etc. Make him sit and watch all the other kids have fun! And while he's at home, all his toys, movies, and video games need to be taken away and the punishment be reinforced. Make him read books instead, at least then he's still doing something educational. Your daughter will have to deal with the inconvenience of having to keep him occupied and his tantrums of being bored, but that's part of being a parent.

Kenya - posted on 06/28/2011

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I say use your belief system! Use love and light. Let him know that what he's doing is the exact opposite and also create consequences for his misbehaving. I sent my biter to the corner and put icky chile on my arm. He bit me once after that and never again. I told him "mommy" is chile, you don't want to bite her. At school age I explained germs and how biting would make him sick. Then that if he wants friends he has to treat them well. It takes time, patience and talking until your face is blue. But it's well worth it.

Kacie - posted on 06/28/2011

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I agree with Meg that there might be other issuse. IMO, 5 yrs old is a bit old to start biting. Ive only ever heard it happening with baby/early toddler ages.

Julie - posted on 06/27/2011

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dear Cherie and Genia thank you for your advice I will pass on this information it gives us something to try Genie do you know the auther of the book you suggested thank you
I just could not believe that a child so young was being labeled trouble unmanagable and the only thing they can think of is exclusion its just nonsenseAll children are different his development is behind about 15 months at the moment but he as improved I have not witnessed the biting because he does not do it when he is with me only at school he cannot cope with the sizr of class they have done some one to one he is great until the group goes over 4 then he get upset and lashes out. We are a family with several member who are either ADHD or aspergers or Autistic both his biological parent are both ADHD so I'm not surprised he is showing all the signs they now tell me they no longer test them until their 10 this is ridiculas that means he will start seniors at a great disadvantage if not that then we are quoted budgets.

Latasha - posted on 06/27/2011

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Everything I do as a mom has to do with what I believe is the right thing to do for my child. The foundation of my life is built on Christ. My children are a part of my life so I raise them according to that foundation. Faith is whatever we believe in. That being said,as a mom, I would pray over my child and command any bad spirits{such as rejection, anger, violence, rebellion} causing her to bite to come out of her{deliverance} and apply the blood of Jesus by verbal declaration and faith over her will, mind and emotions! This is my recommendation for moms with a personal relationship with Jesus Christ having authority over bad spirits.

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I think small children bite because they are overwhelmed. Once they bite the whole world stops and the attention is on them and the child who was bit. Thus stopping everything else that was going on. So if they are overwhelmed from being picked on, this stops the bullying. Or they can't get their point across because they are young and it's hard to articulate, then when they bit they have every one's attention. I think it's important to try to catch them when they are about to bite. This is probably unrealistic for the teacher to watch just your grandchild all the time, so maybe you can find out if someone can just sit in on class and observe. Maybe during playtime or whenever the biting seems to occur most. That way it can be stopped and addressed before any one is hurt and some one can understand why your grandson was so frustrated or upset. Also there is a book called "Teeth Are Not for Biting" maybe try that?

Julie - posted on 06/27/2011

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no both my daughter are Wiccan not Christian however this question as nothing to do with a belief system it would be predjudice toassume that a child was misbaving because they were not Christian I respect your beliefs and ask that you do the same
with love and light

Angelica - posted on 06/26/2011

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At 5 your child is old enough to communicate why they are doing this and understanding why its wrong. Discuss with the child why they're doing it and your expectations to stop and jointly discuss consequences for continued instances. If your child isnt able to understand this, you need to consult a behavior specialist.

Kacie - posted on 06/24/2011

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Ive never had a biter, so im not sure how to handle it but i'll try with some pointers as to what *I* think would work if i had one......

since he's in school, he could be learning it from other kids. it could be if he's tiny, that he's being bullied (yes at that age it happens, sadly). id ask the teacher what brings him to biting, if he/she can see the problem.

im against the whole "bite back" strategy. i dont understand that.

could be for attention? i know these days classrooms are just overfilled and the teacher isnt able to give enough attention to each child.

He's 5, he's old enough to be asked why, how, etc. start from there. Hope that helps!

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