Does anyone have a solution to a temper tantram in 8 and 1/2 year old boy?

[deleted account] ( 7 moms have responded )

My eight and half year old boy has a terrible temper. He seems to only do it when my husband is not around ,he is a angel when his father is around. On these outbursts he kicks walls, slam doors,throw down chairs and hits his older sisters.Any ideas?

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Albe - posted on 09/07/2009

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The truth might be hard to hear, but your husband clearly has more authority over your son. You should show him who is the "boss". He is taking you for a ride!! Try to ignore him or punish him by not let him watch TV or something similar.

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Jennifer - posted on 09/09/2009

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i drove my to the bad boys school and told him that was where he was going to be staying if he did not learn to behave,scared him, he is 11 now and that threat still works, good luck

Jennifer - posted on 09/08/2009

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it must be the age because my son is the same way and he is 8 too, but he minds me but not his dad and he only does that stuff when he gets mad like your son what I do is tell him no video games for the rest of the day and I add another day for each time after the first time I tell him, when he acts up and make him go to his room and sit no t.v nothing

Jennifer - posted on 09/07/2009

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I agree with Albe to an extent. Sounds to me that your son respects your husband more than you. This usually occurs when one of the parents is strict while the other is more relaxed with the rules and acceptable behavior.
You will need to talk with your husband about this behavior your son is exhibiting while he is not home. Come up with a game plan together on how to handle this. Once you do this you both need to take the same action when your son has his episodes. Whatever you both decide, you need to be consistent with the punishment every time no matter what.
Some things that might help are removing your son from the situation and have him sit in a safe zone. This could be a corner in your site, a place with nothing that will be destroyed and you son can not hurt himself. Have him sit there quietly until he can calm down and explain to you what his problem is. Once you are convinced that he is acting better then he can get out of the corner.
Another option is having anyone who is around your son, at the time of his tantrums, to leave the area. Then ignore him. Walk away and find something to do where he can't see you. Doing this will show him that he can have a fit but he isn't getting any reaction from you.
Of course these both depend on your son and how he is going to handle the situation. If you decide on either of these or some other way that you and your husband have both decided on, you will have to be consistent. No giving in! Giving in only tells your son that it is okay to continue his bad behavior.
Good luck and don't give up.

Tracy - posted on 09/07/2009

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What ever you do, don't try to appease him by giving him what he wants. You would be rewarding that behavior. Make sure he knows it is not acceptable. Try to stay calm. I would recomend time out to give him time to calm down, then try talking about his feelings if he will. Tell him you can see he is unhappy about something but he can not behave that way. Hopefully eventually he will realize the tantrum won't get him anywhere and maybe he will try a different method of getting what he wants, like being nice? Be sure you both are leading by example as well. If either of you lose your temper and act out physically, that will be the only way he knows to react himself. Try to stay calm. I know it can be very difficult, but it is important to teach him by example as well.

Melissa - posted on 09/06/2009

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I would start with finding out with what is so different between when his dad is around and when he is not. maybe he is trying to get your attention. i have found that with terrible tempers that time out is effective weather it be in his bedroom or on the couch or in the corner. and then talking about what made him so angry has helped because when my step son is that made he blurts out the things that upset him. AND when that happens to me, i ask him if he would like me to ....(whatever the action that i am trying to change is) to him because i am mad. it seems to be cutting down on the temper and starting on the attitude. that and i have taken things away..... like the dresser.... you want to act like a baby........ i can treat you like one....i will pick out your clothes and you have no choice. hope this gives you creative ideas for handling your temper tantrums.

[deleted account]

Dad needs to be on board and support you always. If your husband isn't respecting your requests or going against discipline you set forth, your son isn't going to respect you. Work on alternate methods of dealing with anger and frustration. If a tantrum starts, send him to another room where he won't hurt anyone and give him time to "cool off". The worst thing to do is get confrontational, this will escalate his temper. Tantrums seem hard, but at this age, they are trying to learn what to do about their feelings. Be pro-active, walk through more acceptable responses to anger and frustration (yell into a pillow, throw a football, tear paper, go jogging, etc) Your help will make it easier for him as he gets older and he will be more pleasant to be around.

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