does anyone have expierence w/ reuniting w/ long lost family

Lisamarie81m - posted on 12/05/2009 ( 7 moms have responded )

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My Husband never knew his mom she left him when he was 5 or younger. Yesturday His oldest half brother contacted him through facebook, they talked on the phone for over an hour last night. Today his mom called and left a message. I know that my husband is not ready for all this, he is overwhelmed. He has had a bad childhood, rough upbrining, and family is something he jsut doenst trust.

I would like to hear if anyone else has reunited with family and how did it go? what happened and how did you feel about it?

7 Comments

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Melanie - posted on 01/12/2010

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I can't imagine what your husband is going through, but I can guess there are a lot of conflicting feelings. While I am not suggesting he play happy families with his mum and half brother, it should be remembered that every situation has at least two sides.



If you can (and if he is unable to) tell them that at the moment he is feeling a little overwhelmed and needs time to process what is occurring. However, no matter what he decides, encourage him to at least listen to his mothers side of the story. It may help him process some of the feelings he is going through. He may find what he has been told and thinks is right - she is not a woman he wants to associate with. Conversely, she may end up being a victim of some kind as well, of course this still doesn't guarantee she is someone he will want to associate with.



In the short term, support him, love him and know all those feelings he has regarding his mum leaving have bubbled to the surface and he may be feeling very vulnerable at the moment.

Alicia - posted on 01/12/2010

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I never knew my real dad until last year in october. One day for some reason i wanted to look him up. I found him on facebook. I have talked to him everyday since. I had a not so great life when i was younger too. Watching my mother be abused by a man whom i thought was my dad. And too much other bad stuff to mention. I was overcome with alot of feelings as he accepted my request. Then he sent me a message so sweet. I was extremely causious because i was scared to get hurt. But im so glad that i did look him up. Im sure every experience is different. I hope your husband the best and i just say to you to support him in whatever he decides to do as far as they go. My husband was not as supportive at first and it made me feel guilty to want to know my dad. Hope all goes well for your family.

Stacy - posted on 12/06/2009

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To get to his sibbling is one thing, but to ask him to open his heart, or even his door to women that walked out him, can be extreamly painful. There are those in our lives we are glade to know, and those we wish we never met. His siblings never done anything wrong, but on the hand, they are the ones she kept.
The only thing you can really do, is to let him know you love him, and will suport what ever he decides. Don't presure him either way. Reinsure him that no matter what, you are his family now, and your not going where. He has his own family now, and nothing his mother does will change that.

Michelle - posted on 12/06/2009

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This is hard to go through and i understand what he is feeling! I was adopted when i was 8 and havent seen my mother since then and she called me up 2 years ago out of the blue! I talked with her on the phone but she is still not the kind of person i want to asociate with but it was noce to have some closure! Every once in awhile she calls and i humor her a bit if i answer the phone but after getting my closure and the reasurance that i am better off i slowly learned how to cope with it! He just needs to know that he has ur support no matter what and that u r there to talk to him and that he should put himself and his family first when it comes to making any decissions! My bio mom right away said that she heard she had some grandkids(my kids) and although this may sound harsh to some of u especially not knowing the situation i simply told her that she has no grandkids cause u have to b a mom b 4 u can b a grandma! Good luck in getting through this hard time but i am sure u will make it though fine!

Erin - posted on 12/05/2009

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i have 2 half sisters, 1 from my mom and 1 from my dad. i found out about them when i was 16 and met both of them when i was 18. it was strange at first, but my mothers daughter is now apart of the family, were not close like sisters but we are in contact with each other. my dads daughter on the other hand, i have not heard from her in 9 years now, i feel bad for my dad seeing how everything worked out so well for my mom. it just seems like once her initial curiosity wore off she had no reason to stick around.

Michelle - posted on 12/05/2009

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My husband grew up not knowing if his dad was really his dad or not. o make matters worse his dad lived in Virginia and he lived in California. He reunited with his dad two and a half years ago and they finally got a paternity test to find out for sure. The results were 99.999% that they were related. My husbands dad welcomed him into the family and his older sister and one younger sister did, but his younger brother and two of his younger sisters have not. Neither has his step-mother. It has been very hard on my husband. He wants so much to be a part of his family but they aren't willing to give it a try. To make matters worse my husband and his father are too much a like.

Saundra - posted on 12/05/2009

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Hello Lisa, I just reunited with my sister for the first time in my life this year! Unfortunately it was after my dad past in January. She is my father's daughter and I've wanted to meet her all of my life. My dad always tried to search for her but could never get in contact with her. When he past away her mother got a letter from the army. Thats when we our family finally got to have contact with her.



Even though my sister and I are in our 20s damned there 30. It was so special when I got to meet her for the first time. Even just hearing her voice for the first time over the phone was so exciting. That was one of the most grateful times in my life. Sure I was very nervous and loss for words when I met her but at the same time it was very special and exciting when she walked in the door at my family's house. All my family talked about was how much we were alike and everyone could tell that we were a part of my dad, may he rest in peace, it was great though Lisa!



I hope that I helped out a little!

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