Does your 4 year old not listen no matter what?

Jessica - posted on 02/17/2010 ( 2 moms have responded )

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My name is Jessica and I am 21. My son Cameron is my one and only. The problem I am having is that he just does not listen to me. He gets mad and aggravated and will even go to his room, say that he doesn't like me, and slam his door. But yet, if he's daddy is home, he listens right away. I don't like to spank him. I would rather time out....but daddy does the spanking, Nothing hard but enough to make him understand. And we talk about it with him so he really does understand why he can't do something. But it's like I have to start spanking him for him to listen and I really don't want to. Any advice?

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Tanya - posted on 02/17/2010

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I don't know what discipline you are enforcing you said you may have to start spanking but you said you would rather time out, but do you? I'm not sure also are you saying stuff like " wait untill your dad gets home" or " daddy is going to hear about this" since he can enforce punishment and get results, these things don't work if you are saying that, your child will learn that he can get away with things and not have to worry till daddy comes home. You can handle this and solve these problems and I believe it can be done without spanking. First set up a time out area (not his room) a corner somewhere will work. When he misbehaves you tell him that's not accetable don't do it again (in a very serious tone) if he continues you walk him to the time out tell him he was not listining and has to stay there for 4 mins that is when the timer goes off (set a timer!!!!!, so he isn't saying is it done yet) don't listen to him or correct him if he is yelling even if he says mean things ignore it.. If he don't stay you put him back and start timer over. After timer goes off you tell him his behavior (say what he did) was not acceptble and you want an apoligy and give him a hug then go on with the rest of your day. Children have to be reminded about things sometimes like when I tell my daughter she is 4 also to pick up her toys she wont do it so the next time I tell her I call her name and tell her look at me and then ask her to pick up and she will she has no reason to say she didn't hear me because she was looking right at me... There is no quick fix to make children listen all the time they are children and learning will take time. Good Luck

Amber - posted on 02/17/2010

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Dad's discipline is different than mom's and to your son, one is worse than the other, so the one that he finds more hurtful or threatening, is going to be his obvious one that he abides by.



You and your husband need to sit down and discuss this. Is he stuck on spanking? are you ok with that? if not,is he willing to work on a plan you each stick to together? If you don't agree with spanking, and he wants to keep it, you need to ask him to back you up and help you re-inforce your rules. Does your husband say " you must listen to your mother"? Has your son been taught to respect his parents and woman in general? Time for your husband to be more than just a firm hand, he needs to have proper words that instruct your son more clear. Your son is not capable of understading why you two don't agree on the same discipline strategy ( which is why he can't behave for more than one person at a time), but he is capable of making each of the strategies work for him.



If you and your husband do not agree on one method of discipline, your son is going to continue to manipulate you, and that's not good.



I hope that helps :)

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