Embarrassed by husband's interaction with my sons teacher

Jennifer - posted on 11/08/2012 ( 4 moms have responded )

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I have a great re-pore with my sons grade 2 teacher. I find her to be very compassionate, concerned in a good way about my son and always interacting with me about finding new ways to help my son.



A bit of background: My son was diagnosed with ADD at 3 1/2. He is currently on the waiting list to be reassessed because it looks like there more to it than that...extreme learning disabilities (is at an early SK level for reading and writing), some OCD tendencies, high anxiety etc.



Anyway...parent/teacher interview was tonight and my husband was to go to meet with her. My hope was that he liked her as much as my son and I do. Well needless to say it did not go well...she was a half an hour behind and after she said to him she didn't know he was coming because he didn't fill out the send back form (which we did not get), my husband basically said "don't waste my time"and left. :(



She called back tonight to talk to him (a great thing for a teacher as far as I was concerned). She was telling him that our son is becoming basically non functioning at school. Cannot even put his book on his desk without getting stressed out and crying etc. My husband got his back up again and (I feel) rudely asked her why that's the case when he's not like that anywhere else. It was in his tone. At that point, she started (from what he said) starting giving him "life lessons" on how to talk to people and raise children. He then hung up on her!!!!



I am so embarrassed and feel that this teacher loves our son and wants what's best for him and is working hard at it. I feel that she is our biggest asset at the school to bring about help and positive change for our son and that he may have messed that up with his attitude.



HELP MOMMA COMMUNITY!!! I don't know what to do. Do I email her and apologize for my husband...tell her to always go through me??? I am so mad at him right now. I'm truly at a loss.

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Sarah - posted on 11/11/2012

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Even though there is obviously something going on with your son, and you've had a diagnosis for a few years, it's never easy for a man to hear that his son is not doing well. His reactions were overly defensive, but understandable, I think. But, even though I can understand why he acted how he did, that doesn't make it ok for him to basically throw a tantrum because someone (the teacher) told him something he didn't want to hear (twice). It sounds like your husband is feeling like his own manhood is under attack because of how things are going with your son.



I would definitely talk to the teacher and try to steer her your way as far as communication goes. I would also consider having dad spend more time with son in situations similar to school, or even volunteer in the classroom, so he can see for himself what troubles son is having. A lot of times, if men can't see it for themselves, they think it's not real.



Also, Man's desire is always to fix it. And, this is a situation which he can't just fix. And, that is much harder for the male species to deal with. We ladies are happy knowing we are doing the best we can in a hard situation. Men- Not so much!!



Remember, too, that his manhood is at stake again when his woman doesn't like the way he is acting and lets him have it because of it. I think it would be great if you could make a time for you to both talk to the teacher together. This would give him a chance to see how you deal with the teacher, and to actually hear everything she has to say about what is going on with your son while he is in her care. And, then, I say put all that momma bear protective energy into getting your son's re-evaluation done as soon as possible, because he needs more or different resources than what he is getting, and your energy will be spent better trying to get them for him than trying to change your husband's personality, imo.



Maybe have dad call to try and get the evaluation scheduled. There's a problem he could fix! He needs to be your partner in helping with your son's situation. If he feels there is nothing he can DO, he will just continue to lash out in his frustration over not being able to help/fix the situation...



(Apologies for being incredibly wordy and for the obvious man/woman stereotypes, of course they are meant as generalizations and might not be perfectly applicable, but it's just what came to my mind reading your post.)

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Jennifer - posted on 11/09/2012

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Thank you ladies. And yes Jakki....lately he does. I will send her an email this morning.



I did try to have a calm conversation last night but he's stubborn and it's his way or the highway kind of thinking. I'm actually getting very tired of this. We've been married for 13 years and not sure how much more of this I can take to be honest. I shouldn't have to be embarrassed by my husbands actions...you know what I mean?

Amy - posted on 11/09/2012

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I think the conversation that the teacher had should of been done in person. Your husband was already put off because of miscommunication and then to have to hear this information over the phone probably didn't help. I would send an e-mail apologizing for your husbands behavior and let her know it would be best if she goes through you in the future. Give your husband time to calm down and the come up with a game plan together on how you both can be the best advocates for your son, you're going to have many years of this so it's best to find a way to work as a team.

[deleted account]

Oh... sounds like your husband has a short fuse and is easily sent off into a rage. I think I'd do just what you said - send her an email and say "talk to me next time".



But maybe you should also have a calm conversation with him about what happened and ask him to be more constructive next time.

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