Faith/Christian

Mary - posted on 06/04/2013 ( 16 moms have responded )

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I don't know what I am doing or not doing. I pray, I go to church, I have fasted, I try to live life as a Cristian, but it's not enough! There is not one day of my life where I don't have complaints from my daughter's teacher. She sends (what reads to me & others) hate notes about her. Her report cards are more like reading a criminal record. She has poisoned my daughter to believe she is not worth anything, not important, she is not smart or special and has no reason why to be in this world. My daughter is 7 years old. Because she talks in class, finishes her work first then "goes off being disrespectful interrupting others"...to say the least. I cannot find anyone other than her teacher to agree with her comments, everyone tells me "take her to the board." She does not have adhd or anything like that either, thank God. I don't know how much more difficult it would be if she did. I struggle financially as well (Who doesn't these days right?), but just a week ago my car broke down and my brother (who just made a loan to buy his own car), had to lend me $4,200.00 for a new transmission/labor, etc. I don't know what else to do. We recently moved, I know absolutely no one there, nor does my daughter. Granted school finished yesterday, I still have all this venom in my child's emotions that I now have to figure how to get out of her. I don't know what to do about her teacher, I am not willing to just shut up and let her defame my daughter because she does not like her. The advice I get is have another kid, get a man, you won't have problems. (I posted something similar to this earlier this week). What I am trying to get at is that why am I always suffering, a child of God is to live a rich/happy life. That doesn't mean you won't have trials, etc., it's just that's all I have been having the past 8 years of my life. I can't take it, sometimes I go to bed asking God not to wake me up. How selfish is that? I look at my daughter and she is the only thing that keeps me going. I just need some advise.

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Lakota - posted on 06/06/2013

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I think you must report this teacher. That being said, as a Christian, you will have problems and trials, just like people who aren't Christian. Try to stop looking at everything bad in your life as suffering. For example, you said your car broke down. That sucks. But, you had the blessing of your brother who could lend you $4,200 to get it fixed. Many of us don't have that. You will meet people and so will your daughter. Don't have another kid, don't worry about getting a man just yet - in this upset state of mind, you may settle for the first one that comes along. You will always have problems. But, don't get too upset when they don't go away, ask God to give you the wisdom and the strength to figure it out. You aren't going to be able to help your daughter with her emotions, when you don't have a grip on yours. There is a reason women have kids and men can't. We are stronger. Keep your head up.

Amber - posted on 06/16/2013

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You sound really stressed. I recommend going to your church family and seeking counseling for both you and your daughter. Not only will it help you deal with stressful times it will give your child tools to cope in the future. Also someone in your congregational body may have knowledge about the school system and will be able to help you figure out the best path for reporting and handling the situation at the school. Chances are good you are not the first parent to feel this way. Also when using your church resources there is usually no cost involved so it will really help you process your life without adding more to the already overwhelming feelings you probably deal with daily. Good luck, God speed and prayers are being sent your way to help guide you through your difficult moments.

[deleted account]

That was me in school. Honestly - I was too smart. The TEACHER needs to give your child additional work to keep her busy. Is your young child suppose to sit there bored?? No, it is up to the teacher to find her other things to do. My son is given books to read, other worksheets to do, etc as to not disrupt the class. This is poor teaching. I was given a lot of extra work to do in school - and as a result I was way ahead of the other students - to my own advantage!!

Maureen - posted on 06/20/2013

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Mary, It sounds like you can use some help through these hard times. Do you have a home church where you can find a pastor or counselor to talk to? If not, seek one out. Many cities also have free counseling centers. The school office should be able to give you a name of one in your area if it's not in the phone book.
As to your daughter's school situation: Definitely make an appointment to talk to the principal. You want him/her to place your child carefully next year when she/he is making class assignments so she has a more positive year next year. If you think you'll be too emotional, see if your pastor or someone from your church will come to the appointment with you.
When you say she finished her work quickly and then bothers other kids it sounds like she could be a very bright girl who needs to be in a class that will engage and challenge her more. Ask your principal if your daughter should be tested to see if she's above grade level. Maybe her old school before you moved was way ahead of this one and your daughter was bored with work that was too easy. A lot of really smart kids get in trouble in school (or annoy teachers) because they are bored.

Cecilia - posted on 06/10/2013

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Ok, I sort of went through a similar situation so I will simply tell you the steps you need to take to report her. First you need to know what you want to happen. Then call the principal and report to him/her. Ask what steps they plan on taking. If you are not satisfied with them, go to the school District board. They have meetings even in the summer. Find out when they are and go. That is where my journey ended but there is another step if you need it. That is going to the Board of Education. Each step tell them you are willing to go to the next step.

The way you address the issue is to basically tell them this teacher has bullied your child. That is the basis of it. She has lowered herself esteem. Is is not acceptable. All schools have an anti-bulling policy. If they do not wish to follow it, feel free to call the local news and let them know. They would love to jump on the case with you.

As for helping your daughter, simply explain to her there are some bad and mean people out there. They try to make themselves feel better by making others feel bad. Read her the story about bucket dippers http://strengths.gallup.com/114082/Theor... There is a book with cute pictures but the story alone is enough to make others understand bullying a lil better.

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Chanel - posted on 10/03/2013

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Well my sister I understand how the hardships in this life continuously tip our boat. Being a Christian means to live the of Christ or Christ like. While we live this thing the hardships are there to mature our faith and to remove our old nature to be more like Christ. But does that mean every corner I turn is confusion and mayhem, no but expect good times with the bad they are all seasons of life. God is allowing these things believe it or not to do 1 thing, draw you closer to him. He desires intimacy with His children. Spending Sundays at church worshipping and feed the Word of Life thru His sermons, bible study, personal bible devotion time, and prayer. When we lack in these area as soon as the enemy attacks we are ready to throw in the towel, but remember satan is also still only a servant and has his boundaries! So sis meditate in prayer with God and ask Him what is He seeking from you. A lot of times we pray give our request and close with amen. Prayer is a 2 sided conversation with God after we tell Him what's on our heart stop, listen and hear wht He has to say you will be surprised. Praying 4 u love your sis in Christ Jesus

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 10/03/2013

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Mary, I answered on your other post. YOu need to investigate, and get both sides of the story, and then make the appropriate decision on how to handle the situation.

[deleted account]

Not confronting the principal and/or teacher - is going to continue to make it worse for your child. If they know they have a parent that takes no bull - they will back off of your child. Trust me on this one. You doing nothing - is allowing this to continue.

Stand up for your child. Every school has a bully policy that is for the students and the teachers. DO SOMETHING!! Show your child she is worth all your efforts to ensure she has a good experience in school!!!! Doing nothing, shows her she is not worth it!!!

Mary - posted on 09/27/2013

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With your experience of being a former teacher and now mommy, I would like to get your input on the following issues I am presenting with: I have a 7 y/o little girl. She currently attends 2nd grade. While schools years for me have been nothing but pure hell, bullying, and an emotional roller coaster--I have learned there are good/bad teachers, and on a daily basis I try to balance that out. There is prejudice with students/parents, again I try to balance that out. So for a long story, short. My child has been labeled from bully to monster to thief, you name it. While I have proof and with discussion with other students and parents it was one of those situations that unfortunately the homeroom teacher just did not like my child or me for the fact that I always stand by my daughters side. In the end her report card, read as a criminal record. She is very smart and a good kid...in the end, we have moved towns and therefore have a new school this year. I was already warned that she would be labeled with whatever information the former school/teacher posted on her report card. I was told to prepare myself. Well school started and now after over a month, she was sent to the office twice in one day: Here are the scenarios I was given. I even recorded my daughter after asking her what happened several times (of course her not knowing), to capture the distress all of this is causing her and how it is affecting her emotionally. 1st scenario: In line for lunch, a classmate was in front of her. He dropped his "lunch card" and the rule is that you have to go to the back of the line. So my daughter moved one step forward. The classmate after picking up his card, pushed her and caused her to bump into the person that was behind her. She immediately looked at him and said "sorry." The boy said it's ok. Then the classmate again pushed her. She reported it to the "lunch teacher" and was sent to the office. The boy causing the incident, which she reported, was not sent to the office or questioned. He of course said "she did it and is lying." 2nd scenario during recess. A female classmate, while they were in line waiting for jump rope, budged in front of my daughter. My daughter said hey the rule is not to do that. The girl said I don't care. When my daughter said she would report it to the teacher, the girl got in her ear and yelled (NOOOOO). Then after my daughter went to report it to the teacher after she yelled, the girl said my daughter was lying. IN the end she was written up 3 times "behavior reports" and was told by the principal, teacher and lunch teacher: I BELIEVE THE OTHER KIDS BECAUSE THEY HAVE BEEN HERE LONGER THAN YOU AND YOU ARE A NEW STUDENT. Now clearly, isn't there something wrong with this? She is distraught about the whole situation. Going back to the things she remembers from the school before. What do I do? I will make it worse if I confront the teacher/principal about why they would say something like that, immediately unjustifiably accuse her of something, and the other students were not reprimanded for anything. This is what is bothering me. HELP ME PLEASE, I don't want to create more issues. While I have not read the report (she forgot it on her desk as her backpack is in her locker), I can only imagine what it would say. THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!

Julie - posted on 06/24/2013

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Sorry to hear about the poor relationship between your daughter and teacher. I would start with asking to have your daughter switch to a different class room. Principals are usually cooperative when you show the personality conflict of interest.
I had to learn the hard way with my son. I thought, he should learn to "be taught" by all kinds of teachers. That's the real world right? Not always gonna get along, or love the style of teaching but it would help him become more adaptable. I was wrong. A teacher is everything to a child. I will give you a quote a mother told me once, "Closed mouth's don't get fed!" You must speak up for your child, be her advocate and keep her best interest (as I am sure you do) in mind
Now, as far as your questions to 'why you are always suffering" Start an "Attitude of Gratitude" journal TODAY! Write three things you are thankful for every day, and keep it going, eventually you look at it, read and realize, you are NOT SUFFERING, because you are following a positive light :)

Angelene - posted on 06/23/2013

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As a Christian I take life's hurdles as a challenge of faith. The harder the problem the stronger faith becomes. You will always get thru each day no matter how hard they seem. I'm a single mum of seven ( although 4 don't live at home for different reasons) my 6 yo is also quick at finishing her class work & she is allowed to read once done. Maybe you could ask the teacher if she could something she likes once finished like reading or drawing if that's what's shes I'm to. Praying for you

Mary - posted on 06/12/2013

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Cecilia, thank you so much for your helpful tips! I will deff. be making notes of these as I go forward with this process. I will look into this book, I recall something of bucket dippers when she was in kindergarten. This blog is amazing, I am so thankful for all the comments and encouraging words I have received as I go through these though times.

[deleted account]

Hey Mary

I like what Lakota said about looking at your life with new eyes and see that you DO have good things in it. There's always somebody else worse off than you.

But that's not to undermine your feelings at the moment. If you've just moved and you don't know anybody, that's really tough. What are you trying to do to get to know people? Sounds like you're a believer, so have you tried a few local churches to see if you like the vibe in any of them, and if you can join groups involved in church activities? Or if you have any other interests that you want to pursue - it doesn't always have to cost a lot. Eg volunteering somewhere - that can be a way to meet other newcomers.

I don't think it is helping to be wondering WHY you are having all these problems - don't worry about why, just think about how you are going to overcome them. I mean - your car broke down because there was something wrong with it, not because God wanted to punish you!

Lakota - posted on 06/06/2013

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Mary, you are welcome. I am glad that school is over and she is out of that environment. I am a single mom of two boys. My youngest had an issue with one of his teachers in the 3rd grade. I was patient with the teacher, tried to see her side, and was respectful. There was no change, so, I had it stopped immediately. I did a surprise visit to her classroom, confronted her, and then had a meeting with the principal. Protect your daughter. I understand where you are coming from with the frustration, stress, sadness, etc. I have been through many trials of my own. You aren't alone. You are mommy, but, sometimes stress can get the better of us too. Open up and seek help for yourself too. God bless.

Mary - posted on 06/06/2013

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Lakota, thank you! True blessing/encouragement your post. I will continue to pray and ask for God's direction. I hadn't realized (I guess fully) how my emotions may be impacting my daughter! Thank you again so much! I do plan on reporting her teacher. I waited for school to be over so that my daughter would not suffer more than what she already had during this past school year. With that being said as we moved, she won't go to that school district next year but her "criminal record" will follow whatever school she attends. Besides her talking to people from church about how she is a valuable princess, especially in the eyes of God, I am seriously considering a christian counseling for the summer so that we can get this negativity out of her asap. I am her mommy but I can only try so much by encouraging her and praying with her/for her. I really think someone else with experience in the field can help me get back what her teacher has taken from her. Blessings your way!

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