Getting girls that go to school to listen...

Jennifer - posted on 01/21/2010 ( 5 moms have responded )

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My 5 and 4 year old daughters don't really like to listen. They go with their father on the weekends and when they come back to me they don't really listen. I ask them to clean their rooms and they keep telling me they don't have to. I've tried so many different things and nothing has worked. If u know what I could do please let me know.

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Stacy - posted on 01/21/2010

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My daughter was just like that. I made a chart, I have 4 kids, so they each get a certain chore, and their rooms to clean. I put an their initials in front of the chore if they did it that day, and at the end of each week, they get a reward for doing their chore, if they have 7 initials. I have them do the same chore for one week, so they don't get confuesed. They now tell me who has what chore. Another idea is where you have 2 girls, get 14 fake flowers, color of their choice, only one color for each girl, and a couple vases. Everyday they they do their chore, let them put a floor in their pot. When they have all 7 give them a reward. Maybe even pick a couple extra floors of a different color for what I call "caught being good" rewards. If my kids get smiley faces they get a little extra something at the end of the week. Smiley faces are their "caught being good" things, such as playing nicely with others, being helpfull, ect.... Hope this helps, good luck!

Kellie - posted on 01/21/2010

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This is one of those pitfalls with divorced parents. My folks divorced when I was twelve. I lived with my dad and spent every other weekend with my mom. At her house there were no chores and all we did was eat, watch movies, shop, and play. She didn't see for so long that all she wanted to do was spend "quality" time with me. She didn't have rules, discipline and she rarely said no. Going home was a drag because at home I had dishes, laundry, cooking, cleaning and school. It was only natural that I would rebel. What you don't want to do is frustrate their relationship with their father. If all he wants to do is play with them it's a consequence of being divorced. However, you do want the girls to understand that you love them too and you want to have fun as well but because they are with you most of the time they need to pitch in and help out. Discpline is not only about punishment it is also about curbing behavior. We parents have to discipline over and over. We can't do things one time and expect it to work. If I have to put my daughter in time out twenty times in a day, I will. Eventually she gets the point and things are back on track until the next episode. I suspect you may be feeling guilty about things and so instead of enforcing the rules, you let the girls manipulate you and possibly even play the dad card. Since you are right to expect the girls to do chores you shouldn't let it get to you. In fact, I appreciate my father taking a no tolerance policy with me. It taught me self-control and discipline. Good luck!

Dawn - posted on 01/21/2010

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I have to ask.... have you spoke with their father to see what the routine is around his house? I would be more inclined to think that their behavior may have something to do with the fact that you and their father don't go by the same rules in your seperate homes with the girls. If the two of you are on good terms maybe you can sit down and come up with rules and consequences that you both can agree on. After the two of you have worked this out then sit down with the kids and explain the rules and consequences to them, making sure they understand that the rules apply in both homes. It might be in your best interest to have these rules written out and pinned up in both homes this way everyone stays on board.

Rebekah - posted on 01/21/2010

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Find out what their currency is. If they like to watch movies or play with certain toys, take them away if they don't listen. Put an award at the end of the week. If they do as they are told for 1 week you'll take them to the zoo or the mall get them a toy they've been wanting.

My child tried to pull this one and when she didn't get the privileges she desired, she learned real quick she had to do what mommy says.

On the same note: Follow through!!!! Do not threaten. If you tell them you'll take something away if they don't do it, then they don't do it, and you don't take it away, they'll learn that what mommy says, doesn't matter. Always follow through on what you say you're gonna do.

Racheal - posted on 01/21/2010

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Have you tried a cute little chore chart, with everything written down and certain treats if they get a certain number of stars; plus, detriments (such as toys being put up, etc) if they get, as I call it "a frowny face", on their chore chart. I got a chore chart from the board dudes (?) it's got plenty of room to write down chores and attitudes my daughter needs daily, plus it comes with a ton of star magnets. Good luck

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