Getting siblings to stop agrueing!

Julie - posted on 11/09/2009 ( 19 moms have responded )

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My son (9) and my daughter (7) constantly argue. From who gets to sit where for dinner to who brushes their teeth first. Everything is an arguement. Desiding what to cook for dinner turns into an arguement. Who gets to open the door turns into a bicker fest! They both can't agree on the same thing. Or even come to a compramise. What am I to do?

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Pam - posted on 11/12/2009

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When you find out, please let me know. Good luck with that, lol.



For now I tell tmy kids (7 and 9) to bring it to another room. I listen in though. But if I hear nasty words or if either make threats of bodily harm, I step in. Disagreements are part of life. I feel that if they learn how to fight fair, they are free to stand up for their beliefs. In the end, they have to learn to work things out for themselves. They'll be adults some day. I also give them a time limit to settle the matter during time snsitive decisions. Once the egg timer goes off, they have to present one idea or I choose. I deliberately cook peas (which they hate) when they can't choose a veggie. I pick Barney DVDs when they can't agree on the family night movie (I fall asleep no matter what's on, lol). Get my drift?



But when they can't compromise over "he said-she said" stuff, we play court. They even bring witnesses sometimes. It's too funny. Myself or another adult is the judge. If an offense has been committed I allow the wronged party to choose a sentence. For example I'll ask if TV privileges should be take away or no outside for a week. Then they must decide to have mercy or stick it to their sib. I'm always amazed with how compassionate they can truly be toward each other. And in the end we usually have a good laugh.

THERESA - posted on 11/09/2009

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I have a 5yr and 13yr old and they are always at it, but what we done is made them both spend all there time together. I mean all there time, they slept in the same room, they ate together, they watch tv together. Where ever they went they went together. It worked, now when they start up they send themself to there own space. Try it!

Laurie - posted on 11/09/2009

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>>>>>>>>>> I TOTALLY know what you are goinmg through, my two girls that are still at home are 5 and 8, and i go through the same thing and have been in earch of remedies for 18 momnths now.....the only two things that i have found that work (at least temporarily for now....which is a nice break lol) is YOU make the decisions and be the bad guy.....3 or 4 days a week YOU make ALL their decisions such as...delegate one to set the table, whie the other gets the drinks.  Or tell one to brush their teeth first and the other to do an unfinished chore....you delegate which one opens the door from coming in for the day, and the other organize the shoe rack, make sure you reverse it each day otherwise then they will gang up on you about which one you like the most lol.



by the time the last two or three days of  the week come where you allow them to work it out....you might be pleasantly surprised on how they work together.



>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Then again...on the weeks that doesnt work...lol...i do find many....the only  thing left to do is tell them if they cant get allong you want them to separate and stay away from eachother.



 



Thge first couple of times you do this...you will have to follow their lead as to how long they can go without the others company..lol



THis is whats most effective in my house right now....they get so used to each others company that they will come to you BEGGING to be able to play with their sibling..it may take hours or days, but they find appreciation for eachother :>)



 



It took three weeks of constantly seperating my kids for 10hours to 2 days at a time, for them to finally appreciate eachothers company



 



.......its the only thing working here...i thought i would pass this on lol...let me know how it goes lol



 



 



 



 



 



 



 



 



 



 



 



Quoting Julie:

Getting siblings to stop agrueing!

My son (9) and my daughter (7) constantly argue. From who gets to sit where for dinner to who brushes their teeth first. Everything is an arguement. Desiding what to cook for dinner turns into an arguement. Who gets to open the door turns into a bicker fest! They both can't agree on the same thing. Or even come to a compramise. What am I to do?





 

19 Comments

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Cori - posted on 11/16/2009

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I have also tried the serperation technique. It is so funny...they will sit in their doorways and talk to eachother and the minute you let them loose...fighting again! I think it is just something that they go through like the terrible twos!

Stacy - posted on 11/16/2009

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At my house we let the kids rotate on where they sit. One night my daughter will be next to me, the next night one of the boys will be. this way they get in the routine, and they all get to sit by mom and dad. As for the rest good luck! maybe try watching them, and them take turns with everything. Once they relize they will be getting a turn, it might help.. It has here, and I got 4 kids.

APRIL - posted on 11/16/2009

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SITTING ON THE WALL HOLDING HANDS OR HUGGING DRIVES ANY CHILD CRAZY AND MAKES THEM THINK BEFORE THEY ARGUE!

Chris - posted on 11/14/2009

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it can be a real headache, I completely understand. try designating each day as their day. meaning one day your son gets to help make dinner and say sit where ever he wants and then the next day is your daughters turn to do the same thing. try making other situations into a game, like who can clean their room first without throwing a fit can pick out a movie to watch or a game to play or book to read first and the other one goes next. hope some of this helps

Amanda - posted on 11/14/2009

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My 12 year old son and 8 year old daughter argue all the time too. Honestly, I ignore it. If I interfer, they tell me they are supposed to argue! They love each other to pieces so hopefully someday they'll get it out of their system.

Tracie - posted on 11/14/2009

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OMG you just walked into my house and saw what my kids do only they fight also about who will change, feed walk with or play with the new baby

Belinda - posted on 11/14/2009

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Hi Julie,
It is good to no that i am not the only one, my daughter is 5 and my son is 8.
They fight constantly over the littlest things, it is driving me mad.
Sorry i dont have the answer for you, i have tried so many things nothing has worked for me.
If you find the answer please let me no

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been there done that!!!! still going through that with 15 and 13 boy and girl. its just a way of life now!!! they are racing who gets to sit in the front of the car every monring. i find if you ingore it they settle it themselves. the more we feed into it the more they carry on. when things get too much i show them the bedroom door and say have a great night sleep love u. it works for about 3-5 days then starts up again.the key is to remain calm and say leave the room i dont want this behavior. come back when you can be calm and share. it really works for me. the best thing is no guilty feeling because you dont take sides or yell. i find when you talk very quitely to them they calm down to try and hear what your saying and realize for themselves that they are going over the top. on a final note they are perfectly normal siblings. It happens in all families so dont think it only you. trust me lol!!!

Marsha - posted on 11/12/2009

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I think all kids are preprogrammed to argue with their siblings. My son is 9 and daughter is 5, and they were fighting about what movie to watch the other night for our "movie night", and they kept going back and forth, and finally I said, well since you can't agree, I will pick it, and one of them usually says fine we can watch what the other wants. If they are fighting at home about nothing, I stop them and make them hug for 1 minute. If they are in public, and they won't stop, I make them hold hands the entire time. If they are being mean to each other, I make them say one good thing about the other, and if they can't they have to be together until they can come up with something. Now if they start to fight, I give them the look and they stop before I have to open my mouth! Good Luck!

Eleanor - posted on 11/12/2009

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unfortunately you are not alone. the vast majority of siblings argue about things and a lot argue about almost everything. one way to reduce the number of arguments is to plan a rota for things like teethbrushing, chores, who sits where in the car etc. also plan a menu for mealtimes and stick to it - this saves arguments and also saves money cos it is easier to budget for a fixed menu. for things that can't be put on a rota and just general everyday arguments i use timeouts - if they cant be in the same room without arguing they get sent to their bedrooms. hope this helps

Marie - posted on 11/11/2009

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This is too familiar. I want to know what to do too, Julie. My daughter is 9 and son 7 so I"m almost in an identical situation as you. So good to know I'm not the only one. It's unbelievable that they can literally fight about everything. I try to even joke about it. I've tried several things but doesn't seem to matter. Once one thing is fixed another comes up. Maybe they will always be like this?

Carol - posted on 11/11/2009

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I just remembered a great one that my mom used on me. I have a twin, so we've been best friends and worst enemies since conception. There were four of us kids all together and we'd fight constantly. It drove my poor mom crazy. Finally she couldn't take it any more and handed us copies of the alphabet in sign language. We were allowed to scream at each other all we wanted as long as it was in sign language. We learned fast and to this day I know the alphabet at least in sign language.

Sharon - posted on 11/11/2009

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i agree with the comment above , try and get them to sort out their own differances,

but if you must get involved.....

count to 10 and if that doesn't work count to 10 again...my mum tells me this all the time. unfortunetly siblings fight, having three already and another on the way i know!

i use to react all the time, and it only really stressed me out to a point of depression. what i learned to do is not let it get the better of me,make them realise that they are only punishing themselves because if they continue their favourite toy/game/tv will be taken from them and not returned untill they deserve it. let the know that bad behaviour is not exceptable, only good behaviour is rewarded. do reward good behavior. it does work,

their not bad kids, their good kids, remind them of this.



i've tried the naughty step and time out and lots of things and i find this the best for me, i'm a better more patient mum for it,



we also started to send our kids to jujitsu (martial arts) last year, this is great, they learn disoplin, and how to work togrther,they share an interest and it has really brought them closer. they don't hurt each other or anyone else(which was a fear of mine at the start) it is a rule. its great.

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... is impossible (according to anyone I know of any generation going).

One strategy is to just ignore or distance yourself from as many of the conflicts as you possibly can. Once they see that you are not getting involved or affected by their behaviour then they will at least cut down on the plaintive, whining 'Mom!' even if they don't stop fighting (at least that's what many people say works).

Jodie - posted on 11/11/2009

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hi julie give them a reward chart if they dont argue give them a sticker or a tick say they are good and not fight at the end of the day take them to the park ///the thing is sit them down tell them your gonna do a reward list and ask them what they would like at the end of the day some thing little more time on the computer for example or you can do it weekly maybe they might like a cd or to the movies or nailpolish but it must be something you will DO ..but set the amount of ticks per day say5 and the better they get the less stars for the day ,but still the reward at the end of the week''if they miss behave dont take them off them it just means they miss out of a tick/star,,,and try the time out room i have a chair in my laundry for the 12yr.. 5min in shoosh no talken if they talk then the time starts again...i have another chair in the bathroom for the 7 yr ,,the hall way for the5yr,,,see how ya go get back to me if ya need to

Carol - posted on 11/10/2009

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AAUUUGGHHH!! I know exactly what you're going through. My sons, 9 and 6, argue a lot. I swear, they save it up while they're at school. I had homeschooled for the last 2 1/2 years and they got along fairly well. Once they hit public school this year it's as if they saved 6 hours worth of fighting just for the car ride home. The first couple of weeks I fantasized of kicking them out of the car! I settled on a bit more tame punishment of taking away privileges when they got home. They' ve gotten better and I'm not visibly insane yet. If the fighting is too bad, we play games to get chores done. A favoite is King - each of us get a turn to be King (I'm Queen) and we order the others to do part of a chore for 2 minutes. The loyal subjects cannot complain. After 2 minutes we switch rulers. We also pick names out of a hat for decisions like dinner, everybody eventually gets their turn before we put all the names in again.
Another great solution is when your husband gets home make him realize that you're about to go crazy and run out the door for a few hours. We each take a few nights off a month to ourselves (a couple hours, not overnight of course). It doesn't help your kids but keeps you from losing it. Good luck.

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