Hey ppl , im wanting to know how does one know when they are done having kids??

Libby - posted on 03/12/2010 ( 39 moms have responded )

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I am just curious about how people know when they are done having kids. I have heard a few ppl say that u will just "know" . Im asking because yes i have 2 beautiful kids already bt i keep gettin clucky when i see littl new borns and esp if i hold one, So im wanting to know how do i know if this is just because i only just like babies or if its because maybe im not "done" yet?? ALL answera would b very helpful and very much appreciated.



P.S im almost 27 ,and b4 i was a mum i only planned to have 2,bt now im nt as sure, sometimes i think maybe i should just leave it up to nature and maybe whn im nt meant to have anymore i wont?? im soo puzzled. I have also told myself that i will stop at 30 bt can i really guarantee i wont get clucky ever agian? no bt surely ill b finished at some point right?? , please answers frm anyone who has kids and who is "done" or knows how i will know pls tell me : (

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Kristi - posted on 03/18/2010

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well first if you are religious at all use that to help you find the answers you are looking for ..... for me i had always wanted at least 3 kids i did how ever get my third by marrage but it still wasnt exactally what i wanted ... how ever between all the baby hungy moments and the other factors in my life i had to honestly sit down with my self and my husband it took a seriously long time to figure out if i was done or not there is still a part of me that feels like i am missing that boy that i hoped for for so long when we finally decided that we were done ( no knowing what so ever ) i cried alot when my youngest daughter turned 5 and realized that i would never have a baby again ...even now a year later after my decision i still go gaga over baby boys not as much over girls .. i dont think you just know you have to make choices reguarding your life include all the people who matter God your husband and possibly even your children me i cant handle another even tho i "think" that i want one .

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Anne - posted on 03/18/2010

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Hi I have six children ages from 18yrs down to 4yrs four beautiful girls and two gorgeous boys we are done as financially and emotionally Because the last pregnancy was so hard for me my husband and in said that's it no more, it is hard as i do still get broody as i love kids and babies and hopefully that will never change everyone is different i love my kids so much but i have started childminding to ease the broody feeling and it's great i have babies to mind no night feeds,no sore breasts and i just hand them back yo their mums, i am definately not having anymore as i got my tubes fixed. Good luck with whatever you decide it is a hard decision and one that requires alot of thought for both of you

Michelle - posted on 03/18/2010

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I have to say if you are thinking you arent done than maybe you want one more... I have had 4 kids... My first two (boys) were born when I was very young (18 and 21) I thought I was dont at this point... God obviously wanted me to have more and 7 years later I became pregnant again... This pregnancy was extremely hard for me, but we found out there was something wrong with this little bundle... Our daughter was born and passed away shortly after... That night my hubby and I looked at eachother and said we could not end childbearing on a bad note... A year later we became pregnant again... Allison is our little 2 year old miracle baby :) She is our everything and her big brothers love her to death!!! The way I look at it is leave it in God's hands and he will do what he thinks is right!!! I am now 33 and my hubby is 42... We have decided we are done... There are days I would love another little baby, but that goes away quickly when I look at what we have all been through... I know my story is a little bit different that some, but none the less... You will know when you are done... Good luck in your journey for answers!

[deleted account]

I thought i was done but id love another child but because i don't want to go through a pregnancy and delivery again after my last child's pregnancy which was my second one..because it was an awful experience that but her life and mine at risk but thanfully we were okay and she has been a joy since the moment of her bith to this day at 14mths.. but if you were able to just get a beautiful healthy baby handed to you with out 40weeks of waiting and delivery id have another in the morning lol.

Jaime - posted on 03/17/2010

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Its hard to beleive but yes u will know. I have 3 kids and I would love to have one more then I look at my kids and think am I being selfish to have one more, money is already tite how could I do that to them. So even thou I love babies i will be glad to have no more 2 a.m. feedings, dipares, stained up cloth from baby spit. Just 3 happy health kids who I love and will enjoy watching grow up and because I'm not having any more I can enjoy others babies and send them home when I had my fill. So yes u will know for every woman it different but it a choose. Can u look at your family and say "we r done" or is there still a empty spot in that family pic?

Susannah - posted on 03/17/2010

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I knew I was done when I ran out of room in my tarago and we started talking about house extensions...lol. We would have loved more but I guess everyone has to stop somewhere and 6 was our stopping point. I do still get clucky but with my youngest being 9 and eldest 18 I am just going to wait for the grandkids to arrive in a few more years.

I think you have to listen to your head because your heart will probably tell you never to stop.

Melissa - posted on 03/17/2010

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Well, I know what yer feeling, i am at that point now! something kinda funny for me! I had 3 girls and we ( our family) would go out and every time it was time to hold hands to cross a street or move to another isle or go to rest room i would grab their hands, But felt as though i was missing a kid and a panacked feeling would run through me, I can't explain it, cause i was already holding hands with the little one's and my oldest was 7 1/2 years older so she didn't NEED to hold hands by then! when i had my son 2 years later I stopped doing that! Weird HUU?? I also love babies and would love to hear one more time were expecting, but I will be turning 35 in july and my oldet is now 15. my youngest is 3. I worry i am not being fair to them but hubby not oppossed, about to send oldest to college in 3 years and then in 7-10 years she may be a mother and i would be un available to help her with mother hood if i am still raising one at home.I don't want to miss anything for her! So, we will have to decide what is best for the family now! LOL! p.s. my younger girls are both in the 1st grade! We did not space them this way that was god's plans for us! LOL! Good luck!

Jeannine - posted on 03/16/2010

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When I had two perfect, gorgeous children, I wasn't sure- I was happy with two, but not convinced either way that I wanted more or that I was done. Then we had number three-equally perfect and gorgeous, and I can't imagine my life without him, but after him, I knew I was done-we felt, together, done. We still feel that way 4 years later.

Sarah - posted on 03/16/2010

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hi ,i have two boys and my brother and i feel in my self that at this minute i have finished but i think you get that feeling in yourself and only you will know but if you are still gettting clucky round babies it sounds like your not ready hun ,i personally dont get clucky round newborns now not even girls which i always did before but i think you will know in you xx

Jennifer - posted on 03/15/2010

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I have three children... The third one wasn't planned, a result of too much wine one night with the hubby. It seemed I had everything under control with two, and I was told by my friends with three children that the dynamic totally changes. I thought "whatever"! They ended up true. I am not sure if it is just myself and my friends, and if you have a supportive partner, do what you feel is right. I still get "clucky" when I see newborns. I think any woman who loves children and babies would. By the way, I am 36, and my youngest just turned two, and at exactly 30 I had my second....I thought the same way you did...done at 30. You just never know how things will turn out!! Best of luck, Jenn

Sue - posted on 03/15/2010

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I've had 4 children. Thought I only wanted 2 until they went to school, then wanted more. Had another little boy and still wanted more. Had another little girl and when I was pregnant knew I didn't want anymore. I don't get clucky when I hold new borns anymore. You just don't get the feeling of wanting another one.

Nanette - posted on 03/15/2010

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Seven years ago I was SO SURE that I didnt want anymore children that right after the birth of our youngest (and 5th) child I had my tubes tied and burned.Well needless to say I regret that decision beyond measure. My youngest is 7 as I mentioned and I have really been longing to have another baby for about 2 years now, but I cursed my own body by having that surgery . So now I live with regret because of it. Hope this peek into my world helps a little. :0) God Bless

Amber - posted on 03/15/2010

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I have three girls and Im done. My husband and I cant afford anymore. After the birth of my third i decided to get a tubal ligation. I do not regret the decision. I think if you are still thinking about having more, you probably in your heart of hearts want more. But you need to make whatever decision is best for you.

Mahala - posted on 03/15/2010

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i have had 8 of my own & if it wasnt 4 medical reasons i would have had more. Unfortunatly i had 2 have a hystorectomy & but now I am glad because i am happy with the beautiful children i have. I dont think anyone really knows when they r ready not 2 have anymore. Maybe u should just see what happens i believe if its meant 2 be its meant 2 be. GOOD LUCK ANYWAY

[deleted account]

well if your not sure if your done you probably arent lol and i think some people never are done really it just becomes impractical to have anymore.

Jessica - posted on 03/15/2010

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I was 26 had my 3rd child. Thought we were done as my husband has 2 children from a previous marriage and I had 2. Then we had one together and thought we cant afford any more!!! 5 kids is a lot to raise! Was SO sure I didn't want any more so I got fixed. NOW 2 years later this mommy wants another one and I CANT!!!!! I dont know if it's simply the fact I cant have babies anymore or that I never go to have a son. Have 2 stepsons 8 & 9 but that is NOT the same! But I thought I knew for SURE!!!! My doc would ask every visit "are we still doing the tubal" And I asked why he kept asking, said he wanted me to be sure....guess being pregnant is not the time to decide if you might want kids in the future. Situations change and you never know what the future holds. I regret it so much and would never want anyone to go thru what I am!!!!!!!!!! Good Luck MaMa!!!

Christina - posted on 03/14/2010

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i have 3 boys and one step daughter,,,, i've been saying i'm done for the last 2 years,, but my husband and i would really like to have another, but financial aspects are a huge part of it,, we already have four and i've been raising my little brother since he was ten,,,so i say to you,, if you have the financial part covered by all means grow your family bigger,,, it can be crazy with more than two kids,, but when their all getting along it's such a beautiful thing.....

Melody - posted on 03/14/2010

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Watch a friend/family members kids for a night or weekend, they gan have some alone time and you can see if you could or would want to handle more!

Carnetta - posted on 03/14/2010

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I know exactly how u feel. I have 9 kids already (yes i gave birth to them all, no multiple births) and i said NO MORE after 6. When i had the last one a year and a half ago i knew i wanted another one but the cost of another one would really strain us. So i decided to go on the Mirena. That way i have 5 years to decide if i REALLY want more, or if this is THE END. My sister just had a baby 2 months ago and it made me want another one. She was over today and holding my niece i wanted another one, till she started crying. My mind is still not made up.

Katherine - posted on 03/14/2010

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Elizabeth, i completely understand about wanting another baby, i have 2 15yrs and 7yrs, and have thought about having another, but i really am done, but i still miss the pregnant days and holding a little baby and kissing the little head, BUT, i do not miss getting up all hours of the night and smelly dirty diapers, so when a friend or relative has a baby i go see it and love it and spend time with it, but then i go home and know i will sleep through the night, now i love my children more than life itself, but am so proud they sleep through the night, can potty by themselves, and clean themselves and clean up after themselves and help me too, i think we will always get "clucky" but how long does it last? for me its just an hour or two maybe on occasion a day or two, not long enough to have another baby. whatever you decide it has to be for the right reasons.

Shelia - posted on 03/14/2010

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I have 3 kids and I am done. In my heart I would love to have more. But financially and even space wise, there is no way we can. So unless we won the Big Jackpot and would no longer have to worry about money and bought a larger home, we will not have anymore children. I am 38 so the odds of me winning the lottery soon is pretty slim. So I will have to spoil the 3 I got with all the love I have. I believe you have to look at the big picture everytime you plan on having a child. You have to think about the whole family, because it is not just what I want but is is right for the whole family? Well, at least that is what I think. Good luck on whatever you choose.

Grace - posted on 03/14/2010

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We're all different and I think the best answer lies on you. What do you think? Some women get turned off having more kids because of the many challenges, stresses, financial burden, unsupportive partners etc... Don't be afraid to be honest with yourself. Evaluate your current situation and then maybe try to anticipate what your future could be like. I suggest making a list or inventory of what your life is now and what you want it to be. Does that include having more kids or do you have other goals you still want to achieve in life.

If you only feel you want to have more kids because you like seeing and cuddling babies then that is not a good reason. If you want to be around babies, I would suggest volunteering at a local pediatric clinic/hospital, offer to help childcare centres or work in one, better yet your still young maybe pursue a profession where you can be around babies a lot.

How does your partner feel about all this? Don't forget to include him in your decision making since having and not having a child is a mutual decision, that is if you are in a relationship. How stable is your relationship or do you foresee your partner not being there to help you raise another child?

If you don't want another child because you cannot afford having another one and you get permanently fixed. What if you win the biggest lottery or you become a multi millionaire in a few years time and suddenly wished you did not make a hasty decision. There are alternatives available where you do not have to permanently get fixed. Things may be different in the future and you may also feel differently. To play it safe and avoid regrets later on, I would recommend going to your doctor and getting medical advice. There are a lot of what if's in life, still we make our choices, you're still young, why rush?

Theresa - posted on 03/14/2010

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when you feel you are done. I have a friend that is 45 and just had a baby 7 months ago. I also have a friend that is 40 and had a baby almost a yr ago. So if you feel you are done, then you are done, but you will never know if the urge for another child will come in your later life.

Mary - posted on 03/14/2010

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Gosh you are so young. You probably don't know. For me, the thought of being PG, the process of pregnancy and birth no longer became something I desired. Now don't get me wrong, my friend just had a baby and I got all teary-eyed and I love babies but I don't want to be PG ever again. That's how I knew.

Libby - posted on 03/13/2010

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Hmm thank you ALL of ur for ur feed back again,it has been a really big help, my partner is also very much involved and is deeply loved by the kids and mysellf, he too wouldnt mind another baby bt we only really seem to want another baby when we see littl ones, and when both our kids are actually behaving lol its very easy to slip into the "naww" i wouldnt mind another BUT i have finally decided that i wont have anymore children. I know that i will get clucky frm time to time bt what mum doesnt?? . I have found a way in which i can have as many children as i feel if i wish lol bt without any more expense or stress etc. which is by buying games such as my littl baby girl on ds and they r plenty of games online too where u can look after a baby ,and hey those ones u can turn off! lol or even mute lol, and i wont have to worry about not being able to feed another mouth etc i wont have to worry about packing on any more weight etc. And im on the mirena so after i get it out i can just get another one lol. What do u guys think of this idea?? about "solving" my clucky ness at times lol , all amswers again will b read .

Sue - posted on 03/13/2010

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Hi ya, I am definatly finished lol and just know it : D
I have 2 boys my first at nearly 20 second 27 and like yourself always thought I do want more, I dont want more, I do etc etc then at 34 we had our gorgous girl. Financially we have been really hard up since , 3 is a very big difference from 2 going out in the car and all fitting in etc etc.lol..but I do worship all our children and am so glad we had 3. I wouldn't change anything for the world.
Yet I know I am done now,Time has just progressed and worked out. My eldest is now at Uni so the other 2 have their own bedrooms now (bigger house with 3 ideally lol) I found it very tiring getting up at night with my daughter - maybe being a bit older again. And I think you just suddenly become selfish in a nice way. I want a bit of me time now.
I hope this helps a bit and that things go well for you, no doubt time will tell your future - Ses : D

Rona - posted on 03/13/2010

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I'm almost 29, have had 2 boys and DESPERATELY want another baby.... I want as many kids as I can possibly have. I think it is just a natural instinct when you enjoy being a mom. However, my ex-sister inlaw had 2 girls before she was my age and can't have anymore.... she wants them in the worst way. So she began babysitting and has even considered starting a daycare center. She says if she can't give birth then she would love to at LEAST raise them, ha ha! Hope this helps.

It also helps when DAD gives HIS opinion. My children's father LOVES kids.... all kids.... he wants another baby too. He and I have such a wonderful relationship and communicate excellently. We have discussed this many times, praying about when would be the best time and how it would affect us and our family.

Hope this helps! Good luck with that "biological clock".

Hazel - posted on 03/13/2010

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hi i have 3 boys and expecting my 4yh i always said i want 4 and thats what i'm doing after this one my husband will b having the chop

Libby - posted on 03/12/2010

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Hmm well thanks to ALL of you for your feed back and ur opinions. You have all been very helpful ,as for my decision i have not yet decided altho my partner and i have decided that if we do it wont be until my mirena is due to come out which is not until may 13th 2013, so thats 3 years away and alot can happen in 3 years so who knows, what will happen in the mean time, altho even tho as Alicia Peacher commented she also was on an iud too and a littl suprise happened, so i dnt knw sometimes i think to myself maybe ill just leave it up to nature if im really meant to have any more than i will wont i? EVEN when i have an iud?? , hmm such a tricky dcision. If babies werent soo adorable and cute and make my heart melt when i saw them that it would b soo much easier bt its nt. As my mum told me a while ago i have also been a mother even as a kid, i always used to mother something lol. So yeah thank you EVERYBODY for all ut opinions this is one great joy of being a mum, i love that i can talk to alot of other mums about things like this and i know that they can help me , well to a certain extent lol, thanks again. I will let u all know what i decide when i finally do lol.

Rebecca - posted on 03/12/2010

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it's a choice. i chose to be sterilised after my 2nd so i know i won't have any more... however, i was holding my newborn nephew in jan, and my goodness, i flashed back to the good memories of having my little babas --- however, it was def not all good, it is hard work and each new one brings more work. yes it brings more love and joy and beauty also .... but i really think it is a question of how many do you think you can handle -- financially, time wise, energy wise, etc.

do you ever feel like you wanna run away screaming with your kids now? do you think "i would just love to have a lie in" or "i wish i could just get some peace and quiet" ??? or do you ever feel that you are sick to death of cleaning up after them? if so, how often?

that side of things needs to weigh in with you, not just the precious little bundle AW sweet side.

Tina - posted on 03/12/2010

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Honestly there is no way to know, the thing is this, is having a lot of kids a part of your biological plan, do you love having them? Oh my i know they are so gorgeous, a breath of freshness, but lord have mercy they are a handful, i went once and ended up with Two, and trust me, i sometimes feel mentally and physically challenged. Yes its true. But i believe stop having kids depends solely on You!

Amy - posted on 03/12/2010

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I have 3 children and I said no more. I had 3 c-sections and said I don't believe I can do this any more for the recovery is difficult. But honestly, it depends on alot of things: financial stability, family stability, time, self image, personal relations....etc. So I said by the time I hit 30 I wanted to have all my children. I started @ 25 and had my last by 30. So how do u feel. Good luck..

Crystal - posted on 03/12/2010

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I'm with Lisa E. I'm done with my 2. Financially we can't afford anymore either, honestly in this economy I don't see how people can. :) Anyhow, I knew I was done not so much because I didn't want more, but because my body probably couldn't handle another pregnancy. When I was pregnant with my second child, my daughter, I was diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis. I was put on a steroid to help with the inflammation and took up to 800 mg of ibuprofen a day to cope. I couldn't get on any stronger meds until after she was born. So without knowing how long it would take for my medications to allow me more mobility after my daughter was born, I knew we couldn't have any more. But, I'm ok with that... my two kids are a blessing.. I have a boy and a girl. What more would I need? :)

Alicia - posted on 03/12/2010

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I was using the Iud when my little surprised happened!! I just had the first one replaced, which that one worked great, but a month after the new one was put in I was pregnant. I almost got a new one after this baby, but after talking to doctors it was the same price for my husband to get fixed and more permanent. So I think if you are really done it is better that one or the other get fixed, because no birth control is 100 percent!

Tiffiny - posted on 03/12/2010

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i had 2 little grls and was sure i was done, i had a doctors app. to get permanent birth control i missed my app and found out a week later that i was exspecting again, i had another grl this past sept. after she was born i got and iud so that there is no more surprises. i think u just know when ur done and sometimes life gives u gifts u did not know u wanted until its there. do u have enough space for another baby and r u financialy stable to bring another person into ur family just examing everything and youll figure out if u want another baby.

Alicia - posted on 03/12/2010

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I thought I was done after i had my third. But thanks to the laws of the state I lived in at the time I was unable to get fixed, they said I was too young to be fixed cuz I might regret it. So after my divorce and meeting my new husband, who has two from his previous marriage, we said no more. Together we had 5 kids, but before either one of us made it in to get fixed and thinking we did not have to worry because my birth control worked for 6 years, we had an oops and now we have 6 kids! So because we have so many and they cost ALOT of money, he got fixed. I also see pregnant women and newborns and it crosses my mind. But I know we will never have another. I just think its hard as a mother to know you will never have another one, but I am also glad for the ones I have and just look to the future, cuz someday they will have children and hopefully they will live close enough so I can enjoy my grandchildren.

Keisha - posted on 03/12/2010

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I was done and I told EVERYBODY I was done and I wasn't having anymore children just after I had my second! However....my mind was changed quickly a few weeks ago when my husband and I realized that our youngest will soon get to the point where he wont want us kissing and hugging all over him all the time...then the thoughts and conversation started. That bell went off in both of our heads so quickly and now we want to try for one more. Its funny because I was sooooo very adamant about being finished with having kids and only wanting two and whatnot. Everyone around us laughs when we tell them we're trying for a third because we were so serious about being done..just even a couple months ago...LOL! We just had an epiphany one day...the older we get the more we'll appreciate having a larger family. However, I can safety say that 3 will be enough for us though...LOL!

Anyway, I would think that no one really knows because with a woman, all it takes is seeing or holding a cute baby or just anything to get you back into the awww mode..."I wonder what it would be like if..." I would say that financial, emotional, health, time or career factors would play apart in coming to the realization of whether or not you should be done. However those factors can be outweighed by desire...know what I mean?

Lisamarie81m - posted on 03/12/2010

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Well I have two boys and I am done having kids. Financially we cant afford any more and emotionally. I love my boys and I love babies and I get sad when I see pregnant women. But I know 2 is enough for us. My husband got "fixed" after our second baby. So even though I still think about it I just know that for us 2 is enough. I might think I want another but then I remind myself it is alot of work and I am not up for all that.



I think it is a feeling and you just know. If you are really questioning it then maybe you are not done. What happens happens either way you need to be happy with the choice you make.

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