homework hell lol

Tina - posted on 02/03/2010 ( 23 moms have responded )

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homework is the worst part of my day! well ..its rite there w/ dinnertime actually! my 3rd grader writes like a preschooler, we make him rewrite things constantly and even make him write in repeat ,(i will write neatly.) he just doesnt care! im at wits end! we fight on a constant about haveing 2 do it, everything attached w/ it !!my hubby and i actually alternate nights cuz its so much stress help any ideas!

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Kelly - posted on 02/17/2010

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My son is in sixth grade now and homework time has always been terrible. To read in third grade we used to have to lay on his bed sideways and let him bounce his feet around over the edge while we read just to get him to stay still. To do homework that he had to write, he would be spinning around on the floor crying under the table. It was awful. I didn't concentrate much on the writing neatly. I was just happy that he was able to get his work done. Now that he's in the sixth grade, things are getting better. He actually likes to read now. I still read one page and he reads the next, but it is actually enjoyable. He is now able to sit and do his work. He still is very easily distracted, but he can sit and do his work and wants to do well in school. Now it is easier to concentrate on his handwriting. One of his counselors told me before that its a good thing that they have computers now, because he's never going to have great writing. If he tries he can write neatly. I guess you have to pick your battles. How important is it right now that he writes neatly vs. getting his work completed with as less stress as possible.

Becky - posted on 02/23/2010

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In addition to what many other posters have said, try focusing on ONLY one negative aspect that needs attention per week. Kids need our encouragement more then our critiques! Remember, you can't fix everything at once, so focus on one big issue to work on. I have had to do this with my kiddies also, and man!, was the 1st few days quiet at the homework table! This can also make family-life much more enjoyable.

I also ONLY make them rewrite sloppy words after the paper is complete. The kids can focus on getting the correct answer before I nit-pick the prettiness of their work.

With these 2 changes in my home, homework time has become more manageable. Good luck to you!

Amber - posted on 02/17/2010

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Homework is a tough situation-- I say at his age, if he;s trying, that should be good enough. Making him write things over and over again is a double whammy for him. Not only is he feeling like he can't do anything " write" , he's probably forgetting exactly what else he's supposed to be doing with his actual homework assignment. Ask him to be honest, what part of the day would you rather do your homeowork during? Maybe he's so tired from school , he just needs 30 min to wind down, and then he can focus on doing work? Come up with some agreenment so he's not made to interupt his personal time with homework either. Its a chance to bond and get to know your son's strengths, not point out his weaknesses.

So , try alternating the schedule just a tweek.. and then go from there.
Also, Consider a homework jar. Use a clear jar or container and some marbles or other tokens. Each time he A. sits down to do his homework without a fight, he gets 1 token. b. each time he does his writing neater ( or tries to) he gets 1 token
Make some sort of incentive.. once he gets 10 tokens, he gets one free night to either stay up late, or have a treat or something.

Also, practice patience, if you don't have patience for him, he won't have patience for himself and he'll grow up feeling like he can't do anything correctly.. thus..resulting in lowe self-esteem

Try and be a little more patient, open minded and calm and you'll see him more enthusiastic about fullfilling your wishes

Good luck, hope that helps

Amy - posted on 02/15/2010

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Have you thought about a tutor. Someone who can sit with him after school or when its a good time and have them help with home work or handwriting. I know High School kids do this to make money and there's also teacher helpers that stay after school to help out children who are struggling in school. You can ask your childs teacher for suggestions or the office personel might know too. It's helped my child tremendously. We don't get frustrated and homework is done before dinner and things go smoothly at night.

Reema - posted on 02/14/2010

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u need 2 stay calm u getting upset is not making it easier he will feel 2 much pressure dont worry bout his writing that will improve in time and dont compare him 2 urself try making homework fun do a star chart each bit of homework he gets a star wen he has 20 stars he gets 2 pick either a family day out or treat , plz dont keep making him re write that is y his hating homework cos its not fun his only yng imagine hw u wld feel at dat age having sum1 breathing dwn ur neck it must make him very nervous , boys r also slower den girls my boy is nw 15 and 2 of my ynger daughters r much more advanced then wot he was at their age just except him his ur son show calm love and support and u will c him relax over time and b happy 2 work and loving d family treats

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Chelle - posted on 02/26/2010

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@ Rebbeca Pionter.

It is the teachers job to teach my children! That is why i send them to school! Im talking about school work.. not life in general!! You dont know me or what my involvment is with my children and their school. Who do you think you are to say i dont take intrest in my children schooling... You know nothing about me... I was answering a post from some else... It had nothing to do with you!!

Rebecca - posted on 02/25/2010

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o, yes the montessori school also has these blocks with letters on them in sandpaper, the children learn the shape of the letters by the tactile tracing of the letter with their fingers, this is preparation for writing. altho not perfect my daughter has neat handwriting for her age, which is in part why she is so resistant to the handwriting homework practice :-s

Rebecca - posted on 02/25/2010

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wow, if my 6-year-old daughter was getting 3-5 pages of homework a night i would take it up with the school. this is WAY too much (altho if you mean work sheets, my daughter zooms thru those pretty quickly cos she enjoys them). as i said in an earlier post 10 minutes per grade is the maximum, so if in grade 1 they should have max 10 minutes, if in grade 2 max 20 minutes etc.

on exercises for fine motor control, in nursery school my 6 year old went to a montessori school, and they do lots of pre-writing fine motor co-ordination activities. altho lots of education systems recommend free drawing rather than colouring, the montessori system does lots of colouring, teaching them to stay in the lines so that they develop fine motor co-ordination. they also have the kids tearing magazine or coloured paper into tiny squares and then sticking them prettily on a colouring in picture like a kind of collage. they also develop left to right brain processing by doing pouring and spooning activities -- always from left to right. e.g. a small bowl with beads in it, using a teaspoon beads must be transferred from a bowl on the right to a bowl on the left. using liquids, something on the right must be poured into container on the left. another thing they do is opening containers with smaller and smaller screw top lids. all of these develop fine motor co-ordination ... and there are many more. i am sure you could google it. this will help with the boredom of handwriting exercises, while at the same time improving his handwriting.

Hallie - posted on 02/25/2010

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Part of the problem is the teachers assign too much homework for the age group. My 5 y/o son has an average of 3-5 pages of homework each day. I struggle with him as well, I have been most successful with sitting with him while we do it turning off tv, computer, etc and making sure he has my undivided attn. ( not easy sometimes) and really praising him when he does well and when he writes without trying i erase it and say nope, you can do better you know how now do it right. He still gets frustrated sometimes but he has learned that homework is a nightly thing and it goes faster and easier if he just tries the first time (sometimes we still struggle but weve definitely made progress) GOOD LUCK to you and try to stay calm too

Lisa - posted on 02/25/2010

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You might suggest to your son's teacher that the school's occupational therapist take a look at him and maybe do some writing skills tests with him. We've had the same issue with my 3rd grade son. They may be able to help him during school hours, which should eventually help you in the long run. I also think a lot of it is the fact he's a boy and they sometimes take a little longer to develop those particular motor skills (or so says his pediatrician). There are also books you can purchase (I got ours from Kaplan) that provide them with fun exercises to do with their hands that help them build up the same motor skills used for handwriting. Good luck!

Rebecca - posted on 02/24/2010

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@ Chelle Gardiner: it is not just the teachers job to teach your kids -- what you are saying is just handing over responsibility to someone else ... if you show no interest in your child's education, you can't expect them to be interested and engaged.

on the whole, i do not find homework stressful (and yes i work full time) (altho grr! for boring handwriting practice) ... i have fun with my daughters, it's a chance to talk to them about all manner of things, i love love love seeing their progress and development, i let them know how happy i am with their progress and i joke with them about funny aspects of whatever they are learning (e.g. i explained silent letters to my six year old by writing down 'once upon a time' and explaining that without the silent letters it would say 'onk upon a tim' -- it became a standard joke and whenever she reads a story with that she always starts with a giggle saying 'onk upon a tim'.

my kids are therefore enthusiastic about learning and more than happy doing their homework (for my 3 year old, at the moment this is just identifying the sound at the start of word) (my six year old only hates the handwriting practice, everything else she enjoys thoroughly).

Rebecca - posted on 02/24/2010

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firstly, it sounds like the attitude he has is that it is so much stress too, i.e. he has the same attitude as you. maybe focus on your attitude first. how can you make this fun for you and for him?

secondly, i think it is too tiring for him to keep doing it over and over because it isn't neat enough (the only activity i have problems getting my daughter to do is handwriting practice). i think you should FOCUS on what is good first ... give him lots of praise and encouragement and if he makes mistakes tell him practice makes perfect, we all make mistakes, no one gets it right the first time, good try but lets try again and see if we can work it out together, etc etc. focus on what he clearly did right (even if you have to almost invent things he did right at first). focus on how proud it makes you feel when he gets it right, and ask him: 'are you proud of yourself?'

once he has a more positive attitude to other aspects of the homework based on the above, you can gradually reintroduce a bit of handwriting improvement again, but with more fun approach to it.

the punishment you are doling out is bound to cause a bad attitude to all aspects of learning ... also bear in mind that a child should be doing a maximum of 10 minutes per grade a day (they cannot concentrate for more than that)... you need to use that time as effectively as possible to make sure he is learning something, hence focus on what he has learnt, not what he didn't manage.

Susie - posted on 02/24/2010

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If you can afford it, it may benefit you to hire a tutor briefly. I hired someone to help my 10 year old with organization, long term projects, test study habits, etc. This has completely eliminated the pre and/or post dinner battles over homework. We finally have peace. He responds to the tutor in a different way and is doing much better in all subjects. I now have her working w/ my 5 year old as well. If this isn't an option, maybe you can try an incentive program -- like every time he does it neatly on the first try he gets to put a marble in a jar or something. when it fills up, he can get a treat of some sort -- big or small -- or an outing w/ mom and/or dad. good luck. that time of day after school and up until bedtime seems to be rough for so many families.

Beth - posted on 02/23/2010

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Oh, I hear you! My son has ADHD and we do homework from the time he gets home till just about bed time. He is not neat either, but I tell him he will re-write it if it is not neat. He HATES this & after having to do it over he does write better. Stick to your guns & if writing is the only issue that is stressing you....count your blessings.

Michele - posted on 02/23/2010

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Tina, most of us have been there. It seems that my boys care a lot less about homework than girls do. They don't care if it is neat or even if it gets done. I just try to schedule a certain time each day that the TV goes off and no one plays video games or any other distratctions and then we get to work with homework. I give my kids about 1 hour to chill out after school then we get to work. if I wait too long, they won't do it - it's even harder and it DOES interfere with dinner. This way, i am available to help them and it is more peaceful when my husband gets home and we can all enjoy being together because the hard work is already done. If your child keeps procrastinating, you have plenty of time to let them. I just tell my kids at 4:00 that it is time to get chores, piano practicing and homework done and nothing will be happening other than that until it is.
Good luck - you're not alone!

Michelle - posted on 02/17/2010

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I've tried the reward system. All that got me was a child who wouldn't do a thing without a reward. I'm not yelling any more. His teacher said let him hand it in wrong or not finished. She'll deal with it from there. Its not that I don't care, its just I've tried every other option. Including the homework club at school. And sometimes they let him rush thru it so he can go outside and play or go to the computer lab. I really don't know what the answer is at this point.

Fadillah - posted on 02/17/2010

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Every child is different. Some children takes longer to get there. Our job is to support them. My two kids are totally different. My older son, finds most task easy while my younger son who is nearly 5, still needs to be reminded how to hold a pencil properly.
I went to a workshop once about creativity & play for children. They got us to try to pick up a pencil with out feet & try to write. It was terribly difficult. This is how kids feel sometimes.....
Stay calm, be supportive, set a routine. After school, our boys have a snack, then they need to do their homework after that they are free to play.
Good luck.

Tanya - posted on 02/17/2010

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maybe the school has an after school program that he can go to that has tutoring or a time with homework help he can attend that a couple nights a week to take some stress off you and dad.. Or maybe like soomone else stated you can have a reward system like an outing with dad to do something or maybe mom take him for Ice cream if he can get his homework done and done neat that week.. Another person said You can also talk with his teacher about her policy on homework and what are the consiqences if it is not done... But I never like to give my children the idea that I don't care or it's not important to me so just letting the teacher handle it isn't one thing that I would choose becasue the teacher has at least 18 children and it would be very easy for him to fall through the cracks and fall to far behind. Make sure he has a quiet area for him to do homework with good light some boys just write sloppy so try not being too hard on him ask his teacher if she is albe to read it if she can and you can (mostly) then your good for now have him play with playdough to improve writing skills..

Julie - posted on 02/17/2010

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I have a 3rd grader, who likes to race to get done before his classmates, (I guess it is very common at this age to be competative). We (my hubby and I) talk to him about getting things done in a timely manner, but that it is more important to get done neatly. We also set up a reward system, (he gets video-game time when he improves). We have 4 kids, and homework is a stressful time for us too...(kids are in kindergarten, 2nd, 3rd, and 6th).

Michelle - posted on 02/17/2010

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I think its a boy thing. My 8 year old is awful about homework. I've put into a place a new policy. I'm not forcing him to do his homework. I'll check it when its done,but I'm not yelling or screaming. If he doesn't want to finish it, then his teacher says no recess that day. I figure a couple of days of that and he'll be doing his homework again. I can't take it anymore. The constant stress is giving me migraines. Its terrible.

Kristen - posted on 02/17/2010

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First, relax and remember it is his homework, not yours. If you are re-doing and recopying his work, you are hiding difficulties that his teacher might need to see. So what if it is messy??? Trust me, teachers can read anything. Let him take responsibility for getting the work done. If it doesn't get it done then hold him responsible at report card time. Like another poster said, you have already been to school, and this is his turn. His work and his grades need to reflect his own effort, not yours. Why should he put any effort in now when you are there to re-do it for him?

Chelle - posted on 02/16/2010

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I think homework should be BANNED!!! Us mothers have already been to school and had to indure many many hours of homwork, only to have to go through it all again with our kids!!! I think our kids do enough school work at school and when they get home they should be able to relax or play or just hang out whith their families. Definatly too much STRESS not only on mums and dads but on our kids as well!!!

Lisa - posted on 02/15/2010

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I wish I had some advice,but I'm in the same boat! My 5yr old daughter loves to write and try & read,my 7yrold son on the other hand..OMG its Hell trying to get him to do his homework,and to care about it like how it looks & if its the right answer or not

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