How can i help my six year old cope with dealing with finding his father/ my husband dead and the death?

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Carol - posted on 05/01/2013

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Sorry for your loss. Sorry for that answer from Yash too. That's a horrible "solution." My husband died 11 months ago, just a couple weeks before my youngest son turned 9. It has absolutely sucked emotionally for all of us since then. The only thing that has helped us through it is the love and support of each other and our family (including friends). We HAVE to be honest with each other. He has to be able to trust you because you are the one left. You are the one he has to talk all this through with. There are so many books out there to help you through this. Try to force yourself to read through one now. It will help explain why they're acting the way they are and hopefully offer good advice in how to respond that won't scar either of you.

I found that a group called Rainbows really helps. They sent me information about support groups for the kids. I heard they were great, I haven't used them yet. I did read the book they sent. It helped a lot. I go to a church sponsored support group called Grief Share. It's for anyone dealing with loss, but it just so happens that several of us are younger widows with school age kids. We bounce things off each other and get advice. My sons both received counseling through the school system. Ask his school if they have access to a grief counselor or if his guidance counselor could pull him out as needed to talk him through everything he's feeling.

Do NOT lie to him and say he's coming back in x amount of time. That will only lead to mistrust and huge problems in the future. How would you even begin to explain why you're so upset or the relatives are or the well-meaning neighbors or whoever that might say something to him?

Good luck, I'm told that things get better. To be honest, things don't suck quite so much now. We're still really sad, but life is getting a little easier.

Enna - posted on 04/30/2013

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OK, that was a crazy answer. Talk to him about it. Make sure he understands your beliefs (heaven/reincarnation/whatever). I don't know why/how your husband died. My adopted brother, 10, came home from school to find his mother dead from a drug overdose. He goes to grief therapy every couple of weeks. Sometimes he needs to be left alone. Sometimes he needs a hug. He has a picture of his mother that he keeps. My mom does special things with him on his mom's birthday. I think the most important part is to let him know that it's OK to be upset, to explain that you're upset too, and to let him know that him talking to you will not make you upset and that he should talk to you about his feelings. Or maybe talk to a grandparent or uncle, someone that he trusts and who can talk to him without getting too upset. I would highly recommend getting him in to some type of counseling.

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