How do I deal with the other parent

Maria - posted on 08/14/2013 ( 1 mom has responded )

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Everyone knows there's alway some sort of drama that comes along with being separated with another parent. My sons father (ex husband) and I have been divorced for about 5 years now. Our son is 5. It really did not last long. Till this day we do not get along or come to any type of agreement on anything. I feel like I'm the only one who cares about the well being of my son, making sure he has all he needs when he needs it, provides, takes care of him, sacrificing anything for our son, while he just sits back and wants to just basically have it easy. He wants me to give him chances to have our son when the things he does isn't consistant enough. (He doesn't pay his child support) and we're always fighting over money and who has to pay for what. Which in the end I end up paying for everything or I have the help from my family. He pays child support when his license is about to get suspended, he'll keep up for a couple of weeks then suddenly stops. He's always going out and has money for things he wants to do. I can't even get him to take Kai for a haircut. I signed our son up for baseball one year. Which he agreed to it. He never showed up to a game or even on his weekends brought him so he could play or he'd show after the game was over. There's always an excuse and he basically just wants me to leave Kai with him all the time but always lies about what he's going to do with him and leaves him somewhere else. I just don't understand. I get so frustrated and everything gets put on me. It's my fault why he doesn't spend enough time and we have a custody agreement which he agreed to. I Get bashed for everything so he can look good to everyone who doesn't know the other side because he's always putting up a front so he can look good. I'm just sick of the drama because I try but nothing seems good enough. I try to keep how I feel about the whole situation aside so my son can see his dad but its just so frustrating I just get to the point where I no longer want to allow him to see or go with his dad..you would think 5 years of fighting over the same thing that something would change..please someone help!!

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Qui - posted on 08/14/2013

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Your situation is not unique and unfortunately, many mothers are trying to find a solution. I think it is great that you have your son's best interest and try to set your feelings for your ex aside, but I want to say this...think about what TRULY is his best interest. I know it is great for a child to have their fathers/both parents in their lives, but sometimes, you have to take a step back and look at how having your ex around is affecting your son...adversely at that. Your son is very young and needs consistency and needs to feel loved. Based on what you have said, your ex is counterproductive to his needs right now. That is not to say never let him see your son, but maybe but a hold on it until he gets himself together enough to be a real father. All this kind of situation at present if going to do is make your son hate him as he gets older. Perhaps you guys could try family counseling, with a focus on your son.

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