how do i get my 7 y/o step daughter to talk when asked a question?

Crystal - posted on 03/29/2011 ( 2 moms have responded )

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My 7 year old step daughter wont talk when i ask her about something. How do i get her to answer? She just stands there and stares at me with the "deer in the headlight look". And if she does answer me she lies to me. What do i do? We just got custody of her last july and we have no idea how she was raised or how she was treated. I'm clueless on how to get her to talk and not to lie....

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Lisa - posted on 04/10/2011

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It will take time for her to trust you and understand that you love her. I have stepchildren that are now ages 13&14 and have lived with us on and off since they were 2&3. We had some really rough times with discipline throughout the years since their mother has different ideas on raising children. I don't know all the issues in your situation, but there are usually a lot of different emotions when step kids are moved between parents. Anger, fear, feelings of rejection. All you can do is show her that you love her...as far as the lying....talk to her and tell her that you and her dad do not tolerate lying and that there will be consequences if it continues. But unless it is something serious and could harm her or someone else.....you might want to ignore the little white lies...she might be using them to get attention....ignore it and praise good behavior....after awhile, when she feels more comfortable, the lying will stop when she realizes that the lying will get her nowhere and will not get more attention from you. Good luck...it DOES get better. My stepchildren are now well-rounded, sweet kids that I love dearly. But it took time and patience.

Michelle - posted on 03/29/2011

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I would just sit down for family meals and talk about my day and ask my husband about his. I would also ask her and if she does not answer keep talking about your day or your plans for the next day. With luck she will start to join in on the conversion. Good luck.

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