How do I get my daughter to poo in the toilet

[deleted account] ( 6 moms have responded )

My (just) four year old daughter has been completely dry for over a year. She does not wee in her underpants during the day or night. However, she refuses to poo on the potty. She has pooed on the potty three times in a year. The rest of the time she poos in her underpants or I catch her squatting and rush her to the potty. We have tried everything, star charts, rewards, special sweets that she has chosen, blowing bubbles while sitting on the potty, trying to get her to sit on the potty with a timer, and so on. The thing is she starts full-time reception in September (note that as an August birthday, she will be one of the youngest in her class). The school was a bit funny with her when she started pre-school last year, but as my daughter has a speech delay, in the end it was decided that maybe this was part of a general developmental dealy and the school backed off. The school won't (and can't) turn her away for not being fully toilet trained but I had hoped that we could crack this eventually. Is there any advice, anything we haven't tried yet to get her pooing on the potty or toilet?

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Dove - posted on 08/06/2012

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Do you have any diapers still? If you do... what if you just stick a stack of them in the bathroom and let her know that until she is comfortable pooping on the toilet that it is ok for her to go get a diaper to poop in, but that she needs to stop pooping in her underwear since that is ruining them.

I don't know. Maybe there is a reason she is afraid of the toilet that she isn't even aware of at this point. She knows you want her to poop in the toilet and it sounds like she wants to please you... so since she knows that's where you want her to go it's giving her a 'complex' about it. She's torn between whatever is bothering her and wanting to please her mom.

I have no clue for sure, but it's just a theory I was thinking of.

Michelle - posted on 08/06/2012

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skip the small treats, my daughter poop trained in 3 weeks at the age of 3 1/2 this is what we did. I found a toy she really wanted for us it was a microphone I printed out a picture of it and then put a calendar chart underneath it and we hung it up in the bathroom every time she pooped on the potty she got a sticker when the chart was full we bought her the microphone. Every time she ran to the bathroom to pee I would remind her to try and poop so she could get a sticker so she got in the habit of trying every time she went to the toilet. Now that she is completely trained we encourage her to continue this habit but if we hear her tooting we make her go try and poop cause that is usually our clue that she has to go.

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[deleted account]

My friend gave me a box of "Dry Like Me" toileting pads. They go in the underpants to catch the poo (or wee, although my daughter doesn't realise this or need it for wee). My daughter was eager to try them. We are giving them a go. They save me on underpants that's for sure. I'm hoping they will help when she goes to school in a couple of weeks. I am really worried about how her teachers will handle her. Not sure if it will help her get past the idea that pooing in the toilet is not a scary thing, but maybe if she's less stressed about pooing she may be more willing to give the toilet a try. We are still waiting for our appointment with the specialist. It's a work in progress.

[deleted account]

Now that she has reached her fourth birthay, the health visitor said she will refer her to the psychologist. It's going to take at least nine weeks for her to get an appointment as there is a waiting list on the NHS. She will have already started school by then. I asked the health visitor if she thought it was a developmental issue but she thinks it's behavioural. Which of course makes me wonder what I'm doing wrong. It's so frustrating. :(

Dove - posted on 08/06/2012

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It sounds like she WANTS to do it, but can't for some reason (either emotional or physical). Have you spoken to her doctor about this?

[deleted account]

Thanks Michelle. We have tried with a bigger treat of swimming. She is desperate to go swimming and we have told her that we need to be sure she doesn't poo in the swimming pool. She understands this and even says when she poos on the potty she can go swimming. At her insistance, I tell her a story at night about the little girl who learns to poo in the potty and goes swimming (it was her idea). And still, she gets hysterical if I try to get her on the potty when I think she needs a poo (though this doesn't happen every time, the few times I do get her to sit on the potty, she does not poo, preferring to wait until she has her underpants back on). I'm at my wits end! :(

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