how do u tell a 5year old who there father is??

Crystal - posted on 11/18/2009 ( 9 moms have responded )

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my 5year old is askin who her father is how can i tell her with out soundin bad?

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Vanessa - posted on 11/19/2009

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You may be tempted to say something bad, but it's not up to you to form opinions for your child when it comes to her dad. She will form her own opinions down the road, and from what you have said I am sure they will be close to your own.
At the risk of sounding harsh, you were with him for a reason in the first place. You were willing to have sex with him so there must have been something that drew you to him. Try to think of that when she is asking questions. Do not give her too much detail. I think that would be too overwhelming for a child her age, and it will only cause you more problems in the future.Telling her his name would be enough. If she continues to ask questions that you don't think she is ready to hear the answer to just tell her that those are questions she will have to wait to have answered and that you are not willing to discuss it any more.

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Diane - posted on 11/21/2009

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my kids are 5 & 6 now..when they were smaller I would say I didn't know where daddy was..but that they could blow him a kiss and I was sure he would get it..now when they ask I tell them that he is making choices that don't include his family (them)..they are at an age where they understand about making good choices & bad choices..I tell them that he sure is missing out though..because they are awesome! I agree with some of the other posters..short & sweet..

Ashley - posted on 11/19/2009

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I'm not quite sure how do word it, but I think I would say something along the lines of, some men have babies, and they are in the babies' lives all the time, and some men have babies, and aren't in their lives all the time, but that both are ok, just different. It has to be age appropriate, and make her feel that the way her family is now, is just fine, daddy or no daddy. Is there any positive person in her life that doesn't have a dad in their life, and that you can point to and say "See, they don't have a daddy either, and that's ok"? (NOT to say that it's ok for him to be a deadbeat, but she has to feel that'll it's ok for her...) Or you could go with Daddy is not ready to be a Daddy to such a special little girl... Good luck.

Michelle - posted on 11/18/2009

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Be honest with her but only answer the question(s) she ask. If she ask who he is say your fathers name is Butch Cassidy (or whatever his name is). If she ask why she doesn't see him tell her you do not know (because really you don't he is the only one that really knows that for sure). Just be honest with her and be prepared for the day she comes to you and says mom I want to find my dad.



Good luck!!!

Krissi - posted on 11/18/2009

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5 is too young to go into details. Remember, she will be crushed if she knows her dad didn't want to be in her life. That is too young to process that. At any age that is too difficult to process and it could lead to problems with her emotionally later in life. I honestly don't have any answers for you. I'm so sorry that you have this to deal with. Does she have a male role model in her life like a grandpa or uncle that can reaffirm to her how special and loved she is?

Krissi
http://www.my3kids1st.com

Angie - posted on 11/18/2009

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There is absolutely no reason for your daughter to know any details about her father. Just give her his name and leave it at that. If she asks more questions answer only what she asks until she is old enough to make a decision for herself about have a relationship with him. I wouldn't even mention that he chose not be in her life until she asks and then keep it very generic. I'm concerned that if you only tell her the negative about her dad and she chooses not to have him in her life, she may resent you for it later. I'm so sorry that you are in this situation

Tracy - posted on 11/18/2009

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You can give her a name, but i will forwarn you that she will ask harder questions later, i am in close to the same boat. My opinion is to keep it short and sweet right now. Tell her that you dont know why he didnt want to be there for her. And that when she is older you will help her find him. No matter what the questions and finding the right answers are going to get harder every year (my daughter is 10 and wants to know when she will be old enough to start looking) on the plus to that the older they get the more you can tell them because they understand more.

Crystal - posted on 11/18/2009

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ok her father is a druggy and drinks all the time he kickd me out when we found out i was pregnet with bubbs told me to come back in 2days i did and said i dont wont anythin to do with u or that !#%!% baby... she is 5 and he has never seen her

Mandy - posted on 11/18/2009

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It is really hard to give advice when you do not give any background because it really depends on the situation. At this age a short and positive response will probably work. Ex. Your fathers name is ____ and he lives ____ . If she has more questions after that, just try to say positive things about your ex. ( I know it's hard, it takes everything I've got in me to say positive things to my son aout his father) because you don't want her to get upset and more confused. Short and sweet! Hope this helps, good luck.

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