How do you help an 8yr old boy who is sick everytime he speaks or see's his dad?

Stephanie - posted on 11/19/2009 ( 17 moms have responded )

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I was married to a man for 13 yrs who drank and lied all the time, I met my second husband 4 yrs ago and we are married and happy with our son who was born in August, I have two other children from my first marriage who live with us, only my son find's it hard to talk or even see his dad, he says he has a bad tummy or as he did last month he refused to walk and was in hospital for 3 days, his father tells him that he has stopped drinking and we know that this is not true as the grandmother of my children tells me that he still drinks. I'm getting quite worried about my son, he and his sister are godparents to their little brother and we love them very much all 3 of them, we tell him this all the time to reasure him. Anyone got any advise as to what I could do.

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your son doesnt want to be around his father and i think maybe you need to stop visits as its not doing your son any good.you have his health to think about so speak to a doctor.this will help you incase of courts etc..keep speaking to your son and he will open up to you or someone he trusts.the children dont need to be around there father if hes not getting help for his drinking problem your son could end up feeling more hurt by you for allowing him to go.i am sure you love your son.i dnt doubt that.you need to step in here now and help your son.good luck to you all:)

Amanda - posted on 11/19/2009

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i am going threw the same thing with my 4 1/2 yo son right now i found that his teacher is a big help with writing down his moods and behaivers b4 he sees his dad and the day after he sees his dad also try and get him to either talk to the school conseler or and conseler for that matter if you have to try and get court ordered visits and court ordered theropy for both of them so u can try and keep your son away from him that sounds like the best thing for your son right now

Nicole - posted on 11/19/2009

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I would talk to your doctor. My daughter did the same thing. We took her to a phsycologist. It was that she was scaredand told us to do art counciling. Good luck. And never doubt your son there is something goping on!

Gail - posted on 11/19/2009

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your son could be seeing a lot more than you realise. perhaps there is something that he is not telling you. if he doesnt want to go dont make him. reasure him all the time, eventualy he will tell you why, you have to just give him time.

Amanda - posted on 11/19/2009

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i agree with nicola. it does inded sound as though your son is scared of going there. you should look into seeing if there someone he can talk to and maybe they can help figure out whats wrong, or whats going on while he is at his dads.

best of luck

17 Comments

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Cherie - posted on 12/08/2009

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Well you should sit down and talk to your son , tell him h dousent have to tell you anything but he can . Tell him if he's scared of his dad or someone his dad is around that it is inportant to talk about it .
when I as 9 my mom told me if i had a reason any reason at all that i dident wont to see my dad i should tell her . I told her then when I saw him i just told him i dident wont to see him again and that was it .

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Quoting Stephanie:

I just want to say thanks to everyone's help and advise to my question, my son is now is a psy and his visits with his dad are supervised all the time now. Thanks ladies


i am so glad to hear that&good luck to all of you takecare:)

Stacy - posted on 12/06/2009

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Maybe try putting him in counsling, to find out why he is doing this. It could be something happend there the last time he was there. Have you ever said anything nagative about his father infront of him? TAlk to the courts and see if they can put his visiting rights on hold, or supervised til he gets some counsling to find out what is going on. If he is scared for reason, I wouldn't force him to go.

Karen - posted on 12/05/2009

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I agree with comments about keeping him away from his dad until you can sort something as it may affect him later in life.

Stephanie - posted on 12/03/2009

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I just want to say thanks to everyone's help and advise to my question, my son is now is a psy and his visits with his dad are supervised all the time now. Thanks ladies

[deleted account]

Supervised visits until you see what the problem is......and then solve it without blinking an eye!!!

Nikki - posted on 11/22/2009

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not sure where u live but here we have a service that isn't a phocoligist but they help you to understand what the child is going through and work on a solution the only bad part is that i found them when i contacted my dtrs dr about my fears of something having happened to her u can find out the easiest by calling child proctective services then if there is something more than what u think u are covered as the one who call and they r able to tell you what is avalible in your area ti know here it was totally free and they reassured me that nothing had happened they also have groups for the kids of kids that are like them so they feel confortable good luch and god bless nikki

Arlene - posted on 11/22/2009

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couscelling for the dad and the boy individually for the first little while .just to find out what is really making things happen for the boy. As for the dad,well hopefully help him see the drinking problem and maybe issues with the son too.then couscelling with the two of them and then all of yu. just a thought!

Emily - posted on 11/21/2009

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My son was going threw some issues with anger and always acting out. I took him to a therepist and he started drawling and acting with puppets and it soon came out he was abused by my ex husband. So ALWAYS trust your gut feeling, I'm glad i did.

Nicola - posted on 11/19/2009

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Sounds to me like he is scared of his dad maybe you could try grand parent supervised visits for a while if he gets on well with them to reassure him or some family trips that all of you go on so he isnt left with his dad maybe he will be able to tell you how he feels if he doesnt have the pressure of seeing his dad alone. very hard for you i hope sme one has more useful suggestions.

Michelle - posted on 11/19/2009

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is there anyone your son can talk to or an group he can join for kids that are or were in a situation like him.

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