How do you talk to your 9yr old about her getting her monthly ?

Hope - posted on 08/24/2009 ( 37 moms have responded )

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My daughter is nine and at the beginning of the month she started her menstral cycle. To me she is too young to understand what's going on. What am I to do? How do you talk to a child so young about this. Im still in shock myself.

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User - posted on 08/31/2009

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I highly recommend "The Care and Keeping of You" by American Girl. It covers everything from how to get chewing gum out of your hair, when do you need deodorant, and how does the whole puberty thing work. It has an explanation of the stages of puberty, when most girls get their period, and why the age range for getting a period is 9 to 14. Hope this helps.

Arlene - posted on 08/24/2009

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Hi Hope, we started talking to our daughter at the age of 7, to prepare her. Have a mom and daughter day, and just talk to her about the changes that females body go through, i wasn't taught correctly, so i learned from experience. Really she is not to young, jus be forward with her and let her know that her body is getting her ready for womanhood.....Tell me how it goes.....

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User - posted on 02/15/2013

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Thank you all for your responses. When I started to read them over, including my question, for whatever reason, I neglected to tell you all that my precious little girl in mentally challenged. While she is 9 chronologicaly mentally she is about 6 or 7. She is going through puberty as far as pubic hair goes so I imaging her period is not far behind. Anyone hurt and blood is involved she gets very very upset. I am sorry so sorry I didn't mention this in the beginning but I imagine it can't be that much different so I will read through all of these responses and see what I can glean from them to help me with her. Again, thank you all so much for your responses, such caring, good people. Many thanks and blessings upon all of you. Wish me luck! Jan

Jennifer - posted on 09/03/2009

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My daughter is now 14...she started her period at 12 so you have my symapthy!! There is a book called "It's So Amazing" and "It's Perfectly Normal" by Robie H. Harris. When my daughter was 10 I was pregnant with her baby brother...she wanted to know where babies come from, etc. So, we got this book. You may not want to read it all at once to your nine year old...it has different topics, but it describes in detail...where kids can understand...everything from meet the bird and the bee, what's inside? what's outside, to keeping safe (okay touches-not okay touches) all the way to HIV and AIDS. Good luck!! Keep it straight forward and real...that way she'll come to you with questions in the future instead of someone else!!

Cathy - posted on 09/02/2009

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my step-daughter, Trinity is also 9....in May of this year, my hubby and I had a baby. Prior to the baby's birth, Trinity and I used to watch a lot of labor & delivery shows. We were watching one documentary on a lady that was having sextuplets...we were both fascinated! however, after the delivery, the story went on to show that the husband was going in for a vasectomy! Trinity was very curious as to what they were going to do to this man (since men don't have babies, women do!)....that's how our conversation HAD to begin! At that time, I started explaining to her in the most simple, yet scientific terms that I could, including how babies are made. She wasn't that surprised or shocked...it was more like, "really, thats the big secret??" I went on to explain the process that every woman's body goes through every month and told her that it would happen to her at some point to (on both her mom & dads' side, the females are early bloomers and Trinity herself already has the signs of early puberty).
She and I have always had a very open relationship with great communication. I gave her a chance to ask me any questions that she had. She and I decided that when she has gets her first period, we are going to have a "girly day". We will celebrate womanhood by getting our nails done and going shopping (for pads....pink ones....that was her one request) and then she wants me to show her how to shave her legs! This way, its not something for her to be scared of, but something to celebrate.

Also, you'd be surprised how much inaccurate information that your daughter may have already picked up from friends. And, even though I wasn't totally prepared to have this talk with her, I'm thankful that I did. It brought the two of us even closer. She's mentally prepared for that first period. I also made sure that she knew that this isn't something that we talk about with our friends, that its something to be talked about between mommies and daughters, and that when her friends' mommies are ready to tell them, they will, that it wasn't her place to be the one to share the info.

Jaci - posted on 09/01/2009

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dont forget that if you really cant get the message across, or would like another option, take her to your OBGYN. just a sit and talk. This will also prep her for all that other fun stuff we women have to go through!!! :)

[deleted account]

its just always been an open conversation in my fam. being ive not been able to use the bathroom alone since giving birth almost 10 yrs ago...LOL we never made it into a big deal so its not freaky to the girls, its just something that happens. my olest is going through puberty, so she knows all the ins and out. i always wanted that open relationship with the girls so if they have questions they'll come to me.

Beth - posted on 08/31/2009

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My sitter's daughter started at this age also - she was not quite 10. It pays to be prepared - get info from your doctor, the library, the bookstore or online. Be honest with her. My seven year old comes out every now and then with questions to me and has for sometime - ie - why do I have breasts and she doesn't.

Patty - posted on 08/31/2009

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Quoting Colbie:

Be as open as you can! They are way smarter than you think and they understand a lot! Make it a beautiful thing. Throw her a RED party! We always talk about our moons (periods) like they are a horrible thing. Make it something that is beautiful that all of us women share.



Yep, remind her that w/o that she wouldn't be able to have beautiful babies one day!!!!

Patty - posted on 08/31/2009

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Quoting Dorothy:

i started mine at 8 years old, my mom way almost 8, and my oldest was 7 when she had her first one. i just told her the bio of is dads have a sprem moms have a egg and so on. she is 9 know she dosent know how the sperm and egg get together but she knows they have to to make a baby.

when my mom started she thought she was dieing (no mom around) i was living with my dad so i did not know some things you dont tell other kids lol so i told all the kids im my school (bad idea lol) good luck



Can't believe it ....7 yrs old!!!  I know it's not far away for my 8 yr old....I actually am planning a mom - daughter day for this week so we can spend some time together.  That is actually one of the things I want to talk with her about. 



 



What ever happened to 12 - 13 - 14 ?  I can't believe 7 yrs old.   I'm still in shock....



My daughter does get really moody so whether it's hormones or not , we'll just have to wait and see. 

Colbie - posted on 08/30/2009

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Be as open as you can! They are way smarter than you think and they understand a lot! Make it a beautiful thing. Throw her a RED party! We always talk about our moons (periods) like they are a horrible thing. Make it something that is beautiful that all of us women share.

Sherry - posted on 08/29/2009

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I hear yah,my 11yr old started months ago,but i was always up front with her.9yrs that is young.be frank with her and just let her know everyone gets it at sometime and don't be scared, I have 4 daughters and just so scared. the sex thing and peroids go along with the same subject.Let her ask you about it. see what she already knows.sometimes they hear it from others.if what she heard isn't true tell her.You'll do fine.Motherhood goes hand and hand with that .its or job.i learned from my dad cause my mom wouldn't listen to me that and in the first grade they talked about it.why so young u ask,i don't know.I didn't have a choice,i would i loved my mom telling me,but had to talk to someone.be there for her.What if you sat her down with a female family member and talked about it.Man don't have it that hard,i don't think,lol

Michelle - posted on 08/29/2009

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I talked to my daughter at eight because she was already developing breast buds. Usually about two years after they start developing, menstration begins. I bought a book to help me. She reads it still as her body continues to develop. I bought it on-line its called The Girls Body Book. Hope this helps!

Irene - posted on 08/28/2009

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It's important to have an open relationship with your daughter/s. I always talk about body issues with my children. My eldest daughter is 11yrs and I have been telling her about getting her periods for the last few years...that it's a natural part of being a female and that it is the beginning of womanhood. That it is her body's way of preparing itself for making babies when the time is right.



I looked up a website for Libra that has information in it for young girls. It even gives out a sample trial package for free including free pads and a booklet with information in it about periods that younger girls can understand. My daughter really liked it for it was for her. Worthwhile checking out....

Stephanie - posted on 08/27/2009

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be honest with her about it... yes she's still young ... but It happened now for a reason and she should know so she doesnt get the wrong info from friends.... if you're too uncomfotable... ask her doc to talk to her about it... or an older sibling or relative she trusts and is close to. I started when i was 10 also... i knew what it was but didnt realize when i got it that IT was here..LOL... i wish i had been a lil more prepared as well.. good luck!

Monica - posted on 08/27/2009

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this is what I did, i take her to a bookstore, get some books and read over some important facts. talk to her about my experiances andher older sisters experiance and let her ask questions! The books help!! I now know stuff i didnt back when i first started.

Kristin - posted on 08/27/2009

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If you're weird or uncomfortable talking about it to her, she will sense that. Get in control of your emotions first. There is nothing wrong with the female body and how it works. Have your responses match her questions so you are speaking to her at the right level. I think being open and honest and direct are always best. Remember it's biological; nothing to be ashamed or embarrased about.

Maria - posted on 08/27/2009

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I know how you feel my daughter is ten and I have talked to her a little bit here and there and she just looks at me. They are so young.

Carrie - posted on 08/27/2009

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My nine year old hasn't started her cycle yet, but I bought her this book that helps her understand both what she is going through, and what she will go through. It's called The Care & Keeping of YOU, The Body Book for Girls. It cost $9.95 and it says you can find it at americangirl.com

Ashley thinks all girls should have this book, and when there are topics she doesn't understand after reading about them, she asks me. good luck!

Christy - posted on 08/27/2009

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Hi Hope, my eight year old and I started talking about this last year. I take her to the store with me every month to get mine. she knows this is the time for her to ask any questions, these mommie and me outtings help with my nerves and keep me ready for the unexpected from her and my thirthteen yr old son!!!! (use you imagination!!!! Good luck!!!!!!!!!!

Vanessa - posted on 08/25/2009

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Have you checked with your pediatrician. If you feel like this is too big a responsibility for her; they have meds that can stop her cycle. My pediatrician was just telling me this last week when we had a discussion about girls starting too early. Mine is almost 12 and hasn't started yet-but the book the Care and Keeping of You was a good way to start.

Sheri - posted on 08/25/2009

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That is a hard one, if she was a little bit older most schools show a video and all the girls would learn about it together. I guess you should just explain to her what it is if you didn't already and let her know every women/ girl will go through it.

Shawnda - posted on 08/25/2009

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Quoting Hope:

How do you talk to your 9yr old about her getting her monthly ?

My daughter is nine and at the beginning of the month she started her menstral cycle. To me she is too young to understand what's going on. What am I to do? How do you talk to a child so young about this. Im still in shock myself.



thank you Hope for bringing this up.  I've been milling about this subject for a while now.  My daughter is almost 9 and I got my period at 10.  I really need to talk to her and you opened up the subject and got some great responses.

[deleted account]

My daughter (my step-daughter, but we don't use that word) was 5 years old when we had our second child. She was very curious about what was going on and where her sister was coming from and such, so we decided to be very honest with her. We did not go into sex, but we did explain how the female body works and I even went online with her and showed her diagrams and pictures to help her understand. We explained that yes, it is gross, but it is a good thing and is completely natural. I still don't think either one of us is completely ready for it (what parent really is?), but I think it has really helped and I think it will make the whole "first time" less traumatic for her.



I would really recommend going online and looking for diagrams and pictures as they really helped when I was explainging it. You just need to emphasize that it's a natural thing and it happens to all women.



By the way, did you know that the average age for starting menstral cycles is 8?!?! Crazy!

[deleted account]

WOW! I never would have guessed I would need to ready my daughter for this at such a young age. I've seen the American Girl book and my hubby and I agreed it would be a good one to get, but I didn't think I needed to yet. (my oldest is almost 7) I guess it wouldn't hurt to do it early. She's very inquisitive and I've been honest with what she has asked so far.

Jessica - posted on 08/25/2009

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Quoting Christa:

Go to Meijer and buy the American Girl book...All About Me (I think)...it is a great reference book for a mom and daughter to read together and explains it all Very Well!


I agree I got my girls this book this year. They are both 9. I was 9 when I got my period. It's not that bad if your mom is there and honest. Because I got mine so early I've been preparing my daughters for it since they were 6 or 7. Just normal stuff too like when I go to the store and buy pads and tampons for  myself it's been normal for them to ask me why I need them.



 



The American girl book is great though. It talks about so much more then just your period. It talks about good hygeine, friends, growing breasts, acne it touchings on all the things a little girl goes through. I love how down to earth it is and honest with out being horriblely adult. I thought my girls would flinch when I gave it to them but they were cool with it. We've since had many discussions about their bodies.

[deleted account]

she also showed me medical books with diagrams showing the male and female reproductive cycles and what they loo like and how they work

[deleted account]

I remember my mum talking to about it at that age, tho mine didn't come til later. She actually got a glass of water with red food colouring and a tampon to show how they work and just verbally explained how pads are used. It's a very hard topic to approach in someone so young.

Erica - posted on 08/24/2009

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I agree with you that 9 is early as i had mine when i was twelve. It always god thou to have a mother to daughter talk and discuss everything about the body of woman. It's of great help to have handy books at hand like has been mentioned above,that will give her a clear picture of how her body works and why it changes. When i got my period i was prepared as my mom explained all those changes to me since i was 8years old and i saw from my sister how it all worked,she had to wear pads,change them frequently,how she coped with her cramps and headaches etc.
My mom made my first 'period' day very special,i was upset and felt overwelmt but my mom was of great support,she asked me how i felt,guided me thru putting on my pad and showed me how to dispose of them then she took me out shopping,i could choose the pads i wanted to wear and was also allowed to choose a big quantity of new knickers/pants as well as a bottle of intimate soap. We also bought a special red purse-like bag to put my pads in for school and I felt special. Mom informed my dad that i became a big girl and he gave me permission to go to bed an hour later which was 9pm,so it all worked pretty good for me. My daughter is now 6 and i can see that she's going thru some little changes already,she's started with some pimpels in her face and her ampit has an odour once in a while. I haven't told her anything yet about hormonal changes but explained that sometimes our body releases some odours and we have to use things like sprays in order to smell nice. I feel thou that she might get her period early and i will definitely support her like my mom did with me as we have a good mother and daughter relationship.xx

Janet - posted on 08/24/2009

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I bought my daughter a book by Kelli Dunham who is a registered nurse. The book is called The Girls Body Book. My daughter who is also nine found it to be very interesting and any questions she had about what the book said I told her to come and ask me. It goes further then the menstral cycle and is very informative..maybe something like this would help break the ice and give you the opportunity to discuss the issue, especially if you don't know how to start or what to say.

Dorothy - posted on 08/24/2009

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i started mine at 8 years old, my mom way almost 8, and my oldest was 7 when she had her first one. i just told her the bio of is dads have a sprem moms have a egg and so on. she is 9 know she dosent know how the sperm and egg get together but she knows they have to to make a baby.



when my mom started she thought she was dieing (no mom around) i was living with my dad so i did not know some things you dont tell other kids lol so i told all the kids im my school (bad idea lol) good luck

Lynda - posted on 08/24/2009

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i myself started my period at almost 9. my luck i missed the lovely film the school shows the day before about becoming a woman (irony huh?) my youngest daughter is going through early puberty and has seen me in the bathroom during those times (im wondering still when they will stop just walking in on me lol) so she has an idea. i unfortunately thought i was dying since no one told me anything. it was severely embarassing since i started at school and was wearing light colored pants. be glad it at least started during summer! honesty is the best route, and you dont have to be disgustingly graphic (the books posted are good referances) but if in doubt, ask your pediatrician whats appropriate. and the whole special day thing is a great idea. buying pads might be embarassing to her, but if you take her to the store and give her some options (different brands) it might make her feel better about it. good luck!

Melanie - posted on 08/24/2009

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Quoting Lisa:

Another good thing is a book entitled "Where Did I Come From." It's a children's book that explains how babies are created and come into this world. It's really well done (describes orgasm as kind of like a big sneeze), and all I had to do was read it to my kids. It totally took all of the pressure off of me... but that will also help in terms of explaining what having her menstrual cycle means in terms of the big picture.
Hang in there and good luck!!!!!



There is also a follow up book called "What's Happening To Me?" .  Both books are easy to read but informative.  My mum bought both these books and left them lying around the house for us to pick up and read.  She was then available for questions.



 



As has been said in earlier posts, just explain the facts and what a period means.  Do something special together to celebrate her passage into womanhood (but remind her there is still a lot of growing up until she becomes an adult). 



 



Don't forget to talk to her teacher about it - only because she is still young and may need reminders about when to changepads etc. while at school.  It might also help the teacher deal with the mood swings and stomach cramps if she knows what is causing them. 

Astrid - posted on 08/24/2009

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thanks for the advise. I've got a daugther that is almost 8 years old. she is early with everything, so i keep in mind she will also be early with her periods. I will have a look in the library, because she is starting asking questions.

Lisa - posted on 08/24/2009

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Wow... I cannot fathom one being that young and starting! First off, you have my sympathies...

Beyond that, get some books, and just be direct. It's funny, but for me, I started practicing telling my oldest when she was a baby and I would bring her into the bathroom with me... then when the time came to tell her, I realized that she already knew...
Another good thing is a book entitled "Where Did I Come From." It's a children's book that explains how babies are created and come into this world. It's really well done (describes orgasm as kind of like a big sneeze), and all I had to do was read it to my kids. It totally took all of the pressure off of me... but that will also help in terms of explaining what having her menstrual cycle means in terms of the big picture.
Hang in there and good luck!!!!!

Christa - posted on 08/24/2009

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Go to Meijer and buy the American Girl book...All About Me (I think)...it is a great reference book for a mom and daughter to read together and explains it all Very Well!

Janess - posted on 08/24/2009

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I think you should be very matter of fact and honest. Remember, she is feeding off of your emotions! My daughter is 9 and we have been talking about it for about a year. It seems that car rides are the easiest...you don't have to be face to face so it is less embarassing and there is not as much chance of being interrupted by siblings. Good luck!

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