How to deal with unfriendly and rude neighborhood kids?

Sanjit - posted on 06/26/2012 ( 11 moms have responded )

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Hi All,



I read most of the post here but couldn't get the answer looking.



Problem: We have 5-6 neighbourhood kids and they all are older than my son. My son is 5 year and 6 months old. Most of the times when he goes to play with them outside, 2-3 kids are mean to him. Not all of them are mean but then they don't care much either may be becasue they are 11 and 12 years old. Mean boys are 6 and 7 years old and unfortunately my son's age matches with them.



Most of the time they go to one of their hours to play and tell my son not to come to their home. He comes crying and breaks my heart. He will cry all day telling nobody wants to pay with him.



We are from India and my husband is in IT makes good money. I hope race is not the case here. Also my son, he is a GATE student. But he not good with kids, instead very soft and emotional.



We even tried to talk to one of the parents but didn;t get much help. It seems nobody cares.



Can someone PLEASE, PEASE help and tell me what should I do. It's summer again, and I have to deal with it.

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Tracie - posted on 06/27/2012

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What if you tried inviting just ONE of the neighbor kids for a playdate at your house? Kids are more mellow when they're not in their "pack." This way your son can build one-on-one friendships with these kids so he won't be the odd one out during group play.

Also, keep in mind that a lot happens developmentally between age 5 and 7. The age difference will matter less and less as the boys get older. Good luck to you and your precious boy!

Carol - posted on 06/28/2012

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I hope you're running into age discrimination more than race. It stinks, but the kids will grow out of that bias. Kindergarteners are still considered babies by the elderly first and second graders (sarcasm helps). If your neighborhood doesn't have kids the same age as your son, import them. Bring in kids from his class that he got along with. You'll have to drive, but your son will get the playtime you both want. Look for a local park or pool that more kids will be at too. Good luck.

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Roya - posted on 07/18/2012

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Please look into the materials published by Virtues Project International (http://www.virtuesproject.com/) and order the Family Virtues Guide. It has invaluable advice for how to raise your child in such a way that he develops the inherent virtues that are latent within him -- including courage (which is needed to deal with bullies) and also detachment (which helps him experience his feelings without allowing his feelings to control him).

You can even learn how to compliment the "mean" kids on any virtues you catch them displaying. It may be that your son needs your presence nearby when he is out and about; if you can get to know some of these kids better, focusing on the positive (which in turn will increase their trust of and friendliness towards you), then some valuable connections will be made that could improve the interrelationships of all the children. If you feel so inclined, you could even start a "virtues playgroup" at your home! (There is an educator's guide on the website in addition to the family guide.)

It sounds as if all the neighbors could use some mutual learning about each other; that way you will discover who is or isn't motivated by racial animosity, and they will learn about you too -- and all the wonderful cultural things you bring with you.

Pamela - posted on 06/28/2012

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Contact the school and ask if someone there knows of a playgroup or even any place in town that has facilities for young children.

Depending on where you live,. if the children around your neighborhood are all white, it could be your culture that is causing the problem. That one is a difficult to deal with. I am still healing wounds caused by being an African American growing up in a white world.

If you are Indian from the country of India then hopefully you have been taught practices for healing these kinds of emotional problems through your faith!

The highest and best to you in healing the situation!

Kristin - posted on 06/28/2012

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I feel for your son I really do. My son went through this with one of the neighbor kids and it hurt him, but fortunately a few houses on our street sold and some other kids moved in and he made friends with all of them. I dont know if i agree with parents who state 6 and 7 yr olds do not want to play with 5 yr olds, as my son is 6 and the group of neighbourhood kids who all play together ranges from ages 4 to 9 and they have there quibbles but for the most part they all get along. Us parents also arranged to make a street hockey day and we play kids versus adults and we include whoever wants to play. If I were you I would put your son into sports or a playgroup where he can interact with other kids to help him boost his self esteem. I wish you luck and it will get better

Faye - posted on 06/28/2012

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Most library's have a reading program that runs in the summer. Some recreation centers have a child program.

Sanjit - posted on 06/28/2012

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Thank you all for great advice!!

This helps and gives me new perspective. I will try to come up with new ways to keep him busy and also provide opportunity to meet his classmates.

Thanks a again!!

Christina - posted on 06/27/2012

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Also the closest boys in age to us are not kids I would let him hang out with. I don't want rude and annoying rubbing off on my son. I know he has to deal with this kind of thing at school, but the kids at his school are more innocent. I choose to arrange play dates with kids who are not little jerks. LOL Couldn't think of a more politically correct way to say it.

Christina - posted on 06/27/2012

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I have a similar problem in my predominantly retirement age community. My son doesn't have friends in our neighborhood because he goes to a charter school and does not go to school with the few kids who do live around us. I have to organize lots of play dates with friends of his from school. It gets kind of annoying driving him and his friends around town every time he wants to play with a friend, but it's what we have to do.

Kim - posted on 06/27/2012

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You poor darling, that is heartbreaking. I don't know your neighbourhood and how it really works but maybe you need to start organising structured playdates with children your son does get on with. Over where I live, on the east coast of Australia, near the city, our kids don't have the opportunity to run around in the street (i did when i was growing up but things are different now), so all of the playing my daughter does is with kids that i've organised to come over or vice versa. It's good because i guess we get to choose the kids she plays with and generally they're good kids, and if the behaviour does get a bit out of hand i can monitor it and keep it in check.

Your son is too young to be with 11 and 12 year olds even though he probably gets them if he's a GAT student (I'm taking that is gifted and talented?) I'd also be asking your son's teacher for some suggestions too and see if there are organised holiday camps around that he can attend where again the playing is monitored.

Bachelor Mum♥

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Hi Sanjit, that is sad for your son but I'm not too sure you will be able to change the attitudes of the kids in your neighbourhood. Does your community run school holiday programs? Such as community based groups that organise activities for kids during the summer break? Sometimes church groups or other community groups will set up things for kids to do during the summer break, it gets the kids out of the house and doing things with other kids. If you can find one, perhaps this would be a good place for your son to make some friends that he can play with so he doesn't have to deal with the unkind boys in your area. I really hope you can find some other boys for your son to be friends with, I'm sorry I can't be more help to you.

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