How to explain to my 6 year old that his biological father doesn't want to see him?

Kristen - posted on 10/05/2012 ( 3 moms have responded )

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My son's biological father chose not to be involved in his life from day 1. He did see our son a handful of times, but that ended 4 years ago. Now that my son is older and understands the circumstances a bit more, he has begun asking questions and requesting to see his biological father. I have passed the request along, but I don't foresee him being interested in getting to know our son.

How do I explain to my son that his biological father still doesn't want anything to do with him? Even more so, how do I keep this kind of betrayal / rejection from harming my son mentally?

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Angel - posted on 10/07/2012

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You asked several questions but the one I personally have experience with sticks out. I believe that feeling betrayed or rejected is a choice. You have so much power as a mentor to teach your son that He needs no one to validate him. You know your baby. Meet him at his understanding of this life principle. Articulate to Him that His self worth is the most important. This kind of dialogue will foster healing. I hope this helps. Good luck!

Michelle - posted on 10/05/2012

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Kids have a need to create an ideal images of their parents, regardless of how their parent behaves or what they're capable of. It's part of their defense. It sounds very painful and it's really frustrating for the parent who is there, especially when it's tough or you're taking the brunt of the stress, responsibility, etc Or when your son / daughter takes their hurt out on you and idealizes the other parent. Parenting isn't for the faint of heart. I want to encourage you to take a look at the reason why you would tell your son and what you anticipate the outcome to be.

Dove - posted on 10/05/2012

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You don't tell a 6 year old that his father wants nothing to do with him. You CAN'T keep it from hurting either. All you CAN do is be there for him and do your best to fill his life with other positive male role models.



Just let him know that you passed the word on to his bio father and now it's up to him (father) what he does. You just tell your son that you don't know WHY his father isn't around (since you don't unless you are a mind reader), but that you love him and you will always be there for him.



I'm sorry. It stinks.

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