I love my daughter but......

Claire - posted on 01/22/2012 ( 3 moms have responded )

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My goodness where do I start??!! I have a beautiful 9 year old daughter whom has been giving me such a hard time.



Right from the word go I knew she would be hard work but goodness at the moment I am suffering from a real test of patience. She is talking back to me, I'm the worst Mum in the world, etc etc and then when she can't think of any more to say she turns on the water works.



She basically refuses to tidy her room or just does not have a clue (despite helping, lists, etc) every day it is just the same, so at the moment I am feeling why the hell do I bother?



I feel like giving up, my nerves are in shreds, I dread every morning as no day starts as a good day? I want things to be civil, I want her to be more loving, more appreciative and quit arguing with her elder brother (whos 11). Hes pretty chilled out but when she starts on him he gets annoyed, I get annoyed, we all get annoyed. Does this sound familiar to anyone?



I really really am desperate to get my relationship with her back on track, I'm feeling like we've lost the bond and I'm losing her. Of course she loves her Dad... he stands up to her to a certain extent but does not get the abuse I or her brothers do. He works full time and I work casual hours.



Help, is there anything I can do to stop me from falling into a heap of tears at the end of each day?!!

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Zetena - posted on 01/24/2012

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ok fine...... I had to cry.....the relationship part is what got me. that is the exact way i am feeling. same drama, same things with her little brother. everything. i guess i should take michelle and jakki's advice. i think ill have to add a not book to my handbang so we stay on track when we arent at home. maybe not even worry about the boys in the house knowing about it because its all her and i. my husband doesnt understand why we are that way and it drives him nuts. so here it goes, head first into the shallow waters of my daughters dramatic little life.

[deleted account]

Commiserations - sounds like things are tough at the moment.



Everything I was going to say Michelle just said it.



With a tough case like your daughter, you have to be tough back. Stick to your standards and never let anything slip. Make her "earn" any good things (eg time of the computer, time with friends, food treats, special outings etc whatever is important to her) by good behaviour. And instant losses of the good things as soon as she doesn't toe the line.



Make it clear that she can't take you for granted FOR ANYTHING. She'll learn that bad behaviour = immediate (unpleasant) consequences for her.



But having said all that, keep thinking about what other things might be triggering bad mood - she might be going through puberty (young, but not impossible), she mightn't be getting enough sleep or maybe there are bad things going on at school that could be affecting her general mood which is why she's taking it out on you.

Michelle - posted on 01/22/2012

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sounds like she is hitting her pre teens and exerting her independence unfortunately this means you are going to have to be extra firm with her and be the bad guy for awhile. Sit her down remind her of the house rules and tell her you expect her to follow them that includes respect for others and their property. Then you need to list rewards and consequences for her behavior. big thing is don't deviate from the plan she breaks a rule follow through with a consequence once she sees you are serious she will start to follow through and hopefully become your nice little girl again.

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