i need help getting my five year old to sleep on her own!

Cassandra - posted on 03/22/2011 ( 4 moms have responded )

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My 5 year old has been sleeping wit my ever since she was a baby, then she got sick with cancer and after she was all done everything i tried getting her to sleep on her own and this was around age 3, but now she is blind from her cancer..she has been since she got sick wit it. and i cant get her to sleep on her own. its kinda ruining my husband's & my relationship..we juss tend to fight a lot because we never get time together because we have to lie down to sleep wit her in our bed till she falls asleep and which ever one of us is putting her to bed usually falls asleep as well. we need some help. advice would be great!!!

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Kerry - posted on 03/24/2011

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Gosh Cassandra, I can relate in a lot of ways but your daughters blindness is a tough one on it's own. We are battling and winning against Leukaemia and our girl loves someone to sleep with her. She used to before but we find it harder to say no now of course! She is doing some nights but others we give in. In all honesty, I have given in to bribery (no corruption!) and it is working! I incentive Shauna to sleep right through in her own bed and she gets some money towards buying something small at the local toy shop (like $2 shop). It is so far successful and now we just need her to start off in her own bed as at the moment the fairies transport her whilst she is sleeping (fairy Daddy is strong enough to carry her!). I never thought I'd be bribing her, but it works as we used outings she wanted at first and then once we achieved a number of those sleeps we did that outing - making it so special. I do hope this might be helpful to you. Good luck.

Cassandra - posted on 03/23/2011

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thanks sharon, i know she needs to feel secure. but she did it for a couple nights, and then she juss stopped. she is juss like every other child juss has a set back by not being able to see. the past couple of nights it has been easier to put her to bed. we juss rock for 30 mins and she is out then i place her in her bed. and if she wakes up in the middle of the night or what not, she juss walks into my room and gets in my bed and falls back to sleep. so we found are way. but ur advice is helpful to know that other people have hard times with there children as well and we shouldnt fight over sleeping situations. obviously she needs me if she wants me.

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The same scenario happens in our home as well. My 6 year old son does not go to slep independently and it tends to be a battle. So.....in all honesty, I say pick your battles. In my home, going to sleep is not a battle I want to fight anymore. If it means that one of us lay with him in his bed, or sit at the edge of the bed until he falls asleep, then so be it. Since we ALL need a good night's sleep, and we have work/school in the morning, I am no longer fighting the sleep battle. To me, it's a security thing for my son. He needs to feel safe & secure in order to shut his body down for sleeping. Same thing in the middle of the night-he wanders into our room for a feeling of safety & security. Again, there are so many other issues to fight with and sleep is not one of them. It came to a point that hubby & I decided "Pick a bed, any bed, and just go to sleep". Hubby & I do not need "our" bedroom for alone time either. And if he's the one to fall asleep in my son's bed, well then I let him sleep too since he had an equally long day at work! My son has a full size bed, so no one is squashed. In your daughter's situation, she is probably NEEDING security from Mommy/Daddy. I can't even imagine the scary changes in her young life. She has a need, and as a parent there are other things to worry about. Her need is comfort in order to fall asleep. Same with my son-he needs comfort in order to fall asleep. As a parent, I provide that security. I know that over time my son will no longer need me or Daddy to put him to sleep. But in the meantime embrace your daughter's needs.

Candy - posted on 03/23/2011

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To me,you need to find time for you and him. Maybe if you put her down and tell her you will check on her every 5 min or so. Then after about a week increase it to 15 min. Play soft music and have a specail bear. I have told my kids teddy bears hold all your secrets.You and you husband need to find a way to get time to yourself even if it is in the middle of the day. My hubby works a 24 to 48 hour job. So when he is home and our kids are at school we have fun. Then at night we are both ready for bed so if the kids come to bed with us it doesnt hurt anything.It is hard being a mom becasue everyone needs you. Your husband now needs you. When he is complaining listen to what he is saying. That is what he is wanting. I know sometimes it is hard to be pulled in every direation. But once your little girl is in school you will have sometime for yourself. Trust me. God bless you for being the great Mom you are and being there for that little girl and loveing her and your husband to the fullest.

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