I need help now! my almost 8yr old still has tantrums!

Tammy - posted on 08/19/2009 ( 7 moms have responded )

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My son will be 8 yr old in Dec and everyday is a constant struggle! Rules mean nothing to him! He will yell at me, ignore me, talks like a baby, refuses to do the simplest tasks, He will have a tantrum about anything & everything. It doesn't seem to matter what it is, he does not like to do anything you ask-chores, blowing his nose, washing his hands, wipe his butt and if the weather doesn't work into what he has planned for the day (eventhough we might have other plans). You have to ask him to do things several times (5-10 times) and you are swtill lucky if he will do it. You cannot tell him NO when you are at the store when he wants a toy or sugar laden snack because he will sit on the floor and scream. I refuse to put up with this behavior but my husband has gotten whatever he wants just to shut him up, then I look like the idiot the next time. I am fed up with all of it. My son was in trouble numerous times at school last year and when I talked to the principal, he told me that this is all normal-normal my foot! He doesn't have to live with this on a daily basis. My husband doesn't want me to ask others-school teacher/counselor/doctor etc. because "it's our problem, not theirs". Well I am done dealing with it on my own and want to do something about this behavior. We have tried everything-timeouts, a point system, sticker charts, $ allowances, loss of priveledges, grounding, spanking, tabasco/soap in the mouth. The only way I am heard is by yelling back. I need major help!!! I am so glad school starts in 13 days, then at least I will have my days peacefully to myself.

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Tanya - posted on 08/29/2009

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my 6 yr old ..almost 7 was having tantrums every day it almost seemed like all day ...i was constantly on her back dishing out various punishments and wat seemed like forever giving instruction on what to do and how to do it ...she was having problems at school , she was stealing from shops, fighting with other kids ... i was at my wits end and i was emotionally drained..i decided that i can no longer go on like this and started to at first let her do what she liked when she liked... i then found out that the behaviour started to slow down and of course u cannot let a child always have her own way so i slowley started implementing stragities that make her feel as if she has control of the situation... when she would yell and scream ,throw her self on the floor ,throw things at me and hit me i would explain to her that i dont like the behaviour and what i expect from her ..of course she will keep pushing me so the 2nd warning is that i will ignore her untill she calms down ... after a few minutes of not getting my attention she will calm down and try to talk to me as if nothing has happened ..i do not respond to her with any other words then...are u ready to talk about ur behaviour?... eventually she will settle and talk about her actions..l.. we discuss what actions are unacceptable and how she can communicate her feeling and emotions with words not aggression..also explain to ur child that it is ok to get angry,upset,cry but there are ways to deal with these emotions... within the last 6 months her behaviour has dramaticly improved but overall it has taken just over 1 year... we still have to occasional outburst but its easier to cope with
the last coupple of times i have spoken to the teacher they have actually sais that they are amazed how well she is behaving at school and they dont know what i am doing at home but its working ..last week she even got her student of the week award..
children are people ..treat them as you would like to be treated or how u would treat ur friends .. some children are far more mature then we think and they cannot be controlled like little robots... medication is not always the answer,although it could be a quick fix ...hard work, thinking outside of the norm for parenting , understanding , trail and error is the key that have worked for me

Tina - posted on 08/29/2009

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As a first grade teacher for many years, and a Mom of three boys, I can tell you that ADHD does exist, and is not the same as ''spirited kids.'' Children who have this, do not respond to normal discipline. Have your child seen by a doctor, and if this is the case, fellow parents who are in your situation, will be your greatest resource in finding ways to help your child. People who have never dealt with this, have no idea how difficult this can be.I have seen kids really improve their quality of life, once everyone is on board with a solution. Share your frustration with your child's teacher, and welcome observations and suggestions. We are often dealing with several children with ADD and ADHD as well as a classroom of many other students. Imagine that! Some of my kids who I struggled with the most, I became closest to. The solution is out there!

Sharon - posted on 08/28/2009

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There may also be some no charge counselling available from your local health authority, such as a Parent Outreach Program, that will help you find the resources you need in your community.

Stacie - posted on 08/27/2009

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Tantrums is a nice way of saying this but he may be diagnosed with ADD or ADHD All to familiar to me my son was the same way I may be wrong but look into it or just get behavior therapy for him do something before his behavior affects his school work good luck

Chanel - posted on 08/26/2009

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I hope you don't take this the wrong way but it seems to me that giving in to your child's wants is only creating a monster. I say this only because i was a single mom for a few years and i cannot remember a time that my child was like that. I have probably spanked the butt maybe once or twice. I see people all the time in stores or in parking lots with children screaming and acting out of control and i always say to myself " I would never put up with that behavior because i would leave the store" I never give in to disruptive behavior because if i do then the child wins. If it became a problem going out for me then i would just go alone or perhaps bring a friend with me so the child has to wait in the car and doesn't have the priviledge to go special places. I think in this era we are too quick to hand out prescriptions and diagnoses for just plain outright bad behavior.

Tricia - posted on 08/21/2009

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You and your husband need to agree on discipline and deal with him on a united front. My husband and I have 4 kids, 3 of which have ADHD. We use a great discipline program called "Magic 123". it works wonders and is easy to implement. The kids still test it sometimes but as long as we stick to it there is no more outbursts and very little disrespect.

Elysha - posted on 08/20/2009

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Have you spoken to a therapist yet? If not, I would highly suggest trying that. My stepsons had similar issues, one having ADHD and the other, we haven't had diagnosed yet, but we suspect bipolar as it runs in the family. His is the behavior similar to your sons, but I've heard of kids with ADHD behaving in a similar fashion.



Between the therapy and very consistent rules, they've both improved tremendously and it's not multiple daily battles, only occasional tantrums. We have the rules listed and have explained them in detail. Monetary rewards and punishment (grounding to a corner) are the only things that seemed to really work for us. For example, if they are defiant, 15 minutes in the corner, but their time doesn't start until they are still and quiet. If they hit or cuss or throw a full blown tantrum it's an automatic full day in the corner and they know that ahead of time. For chore non-compliance, they lose money and for them that's important because we do not buy them toys throughout the year, only on birthdays and Christmas. If they want anything else, they have to buy it.



They are not the same kids that came to live with us a couple of years ago. They are happy and mostly well adjusted. Before they thought life was too hard and not worth living...their words.

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