I should have known better...

Larimar - posted on 11/14/2013 ( 2 moms have responded )

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My son is almost 6... and he never lies. Yesterday he was put in time out for slapping another kid. when we got in the car and he told me the story about how he "accidently" bumped his friend in the head. I felt like something was up, soI turned the car around and went to the teacher who "witnessed" the slap. Sure enough she said my son slapped the other boy. I was shocked and enraged that he had lied to me. I reprimanded him and told him he was in big trouble. As I am leaving the school another student comes to me and says "I saw what happened. He bumped his head into him", so I went and asked the boy and sure enough he also said it was an accident.

I went back to the teacher and told her what I discovered. She then admitted that she didn't see the "slap." she said she asked the boys what happened and both stayed quiet. (I think the boy that got hurt was upset that his lip was bleeding... and my son was upset that he had made his friend bleed) She apologized to my son and we explained to him that next time he has to "speak up" for himself.

My issue mostly with myself and the teacher... I am so disappointed with myself that I didn't believe my son and I am livid that a teacher would MAKE UP that she saw him smack someone else. That is insane!!! Anyway should I go speak to the teacher... or is it enough that she knows, I know, she made it all up?

Also, how do I make sure my son knows that this will never happen again. That from now on mom will believe him. (Which I always have in the past) I am afraid that he will be scared to come to me next time.

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♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 11/14/2013

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Well, first of all, you did fine. You heard a story that didn't quite add up. That is not disbelieving your child, it's confirming what you were told.

Second, the first time you spoke with the teacher, you didn't indicate if you asked her if she'd actually seen what happened. You said that she "said my son slapped the other boy".

A 3rd witness explained to you what he witnessed, and returned to the teacher for confirmation.

Having worked in the school system when my kids were that age, I can tell you this:

When a student brings a problem to a teacher, the teacher will ask what happened. If student says "joey hit me", teacher will ask joey "did you hit him?", and if joey doesn't answer, teacher will assume guilt. If neither boy stood up and said, wait, it was an accident, then the teacher did what she could.

Having been around this block a few times, and jumping in defense of my kids before knowing the whole story, I know how hard it is to remedy when you jump to conclusions. I have always made it a policy to confirm all sides of a story before taking action.

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Larimar - posted on 11/15/2013

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I didn't ask her if she saw it, but "slap in the face" to me, was so specific I assumed she did. There had been plenty other times that the boys rough house and they just get separated and put in time out to cool off.

I agree with all your thoughts. Next time I will go to all the sources. I just was in a rush and it never crossed my mind a teacher would "make up" a scenario. thank you for your time.

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