I want to Move out of State to create a better life for my Kids and Myself and I am unsure if my ex will allow me to take them

Amy - posted on 08/06/2013 ( 9 moms have responded )

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I was divorced 4 yrs ago. During our divorce my Ex swore up and down to the lawyers and mediator that he was only staying in oregon (across the border) with his mom cause he couldn't afford his own place and as soon as he could in a few months he would move back into town in Idaho. well the divorce was final and he moved 8 hours away to Salem, OR. well our parenting plan is written as if he lives in idaho. he is supposed to have them 2 weekends a month and 3 weeks in the summer. Now he only sees them 1 weekend every 3 months or so and has only had them 1 week all summer. it has been this way since the divorce and it gets less and less every year. Now I am wanting to move to colorado where there are better schools, better job oppertunity for me and my Fiance. I offered to give him 2-2 week visits a summer (he works 2 weeks on 2 weeks off) vs the 3-1 week visits. i offered to give him every other christmas, thanksgiving, and spring break; right now he gets dec 25th @ 4 pm till the day before school gets out so he is always traveling all christmas day (he drives for all visits) and I offered to pay half of all airfare. I think i am being resonable since it would allow him more quality time with the kids then he gets now. I am also willing to set up 2 days a week with set times to call and sundays at 7 to video chat all guarenteed times any other would be if we are home and can answer. Also i am offering to video tape/skype all school functions and teacher conferences (stuff he doesn't get now) am I being unreasonable. I am really trying to not go to court cause i would rather settle like adults. but I am afraid he will say no just cause it isnt' his idea. Another thing i forgot to mention is he is constantly behind on child support and makes 120k a yr so there is no reason for it. And If i do go to court i am prepared to represent myself since i feel i would win since i can prove i am trying looking out for the kids best interest and still maintaining better contact with their dad then they had before. plus he moved yrs ago so he shouldn't have a leg to stand on to keep me here. any advice?

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♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 08/06/2013

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Yep, take it back to court. The original agreement was set up as part of the divorce, and it can only be amended by a judge.

And I would recommend that you do so with an attorney, just to be on the safe side.

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Amy - posted on 08/12/2013

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http://www.courtselfhelp.idaho.gov/

Here is the website for the State of Idaho courts. Find your district (looks like there are quite a few locations in each district) and give them a call. Let them know you want to move out of state and need to know what you need to do. In Washington it's call "Notice to Relocate." I tried finding a form like that for you but didn't see anything.

Amy - posted on 08/12/2013

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You should have no problem moving them to another state. Just let the courts know (there is a particular form you have to fill out), and you will have to send him a copy via certified mail (where you get a signed copy back that someone in his household accepted the letter). You have to give him at least 60 days notice of the new address and he will have 30 days to fight the move (at least that's the requirements in Washington State). You might want to write a revised proposed parenting plan and submit that to the courts and to him. Add the stuff about sharing transportation and what Spring Break, Thanksgiving, and Christmas years their dad will have them.
Because he doesn't see them as often as he is allowed right now there is very little chance that even if he does fight it that he will get custody of them or stop you from moving out of state.
My ex tried to fight my move of 40 miles and get custody of my son. He not only lost the fight, but had to pay my attorney fees because he didn't have a valid reason for keeping me from moving. We brought up in court that he didn't pick him up for all the visitations he was supposed to and that helped my case. He once refused to pick my son up because I stayed home sick and didn't take him to day care. He told me he was calling the police because our son wasn't in day care where he was supposed to pick him up. It was ridiculous, and the judge told him so. A few times I purposely stayed home just so he would have to come to my house. :)
Anyway, I wouldn't worry about moving out of state too much, just make sure you check with the courts what forms you need to fill out (you shouldn't have to go to court, just download the paperwork and mail it in), and make sure you give him the proper notice. If he fights it you might want to see about getting an attorney.
Deep breath, stay calm, and make sure any correspondence you have with him you keep all emotion out of it.
Good luck. :)

C - posted on 08/12/2013

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You may have to go back in front of a mediator or judge to show that what you are proposing is better than what is taking place now.

Good for you for wanting to better your life for your kids, you may have to jump through some hoops to get there, but I can't imagine that a judge would never let you move, especially when you are being more than reasonable to allow your ex to be a big part of your kids lives.

I'm sure all will work out for you and your kids and your ex-husband.
Have you presented this to your ex-husband yet?
If not, this is where I would start, and then just tell him where you are prepared to go with it if he doesn't want to work with you. I'm sure the fact that he has distanced himself more and more each year, he may be totally fine with it.

I would try to work with him first, tell him that for the kids sake, you would like to work out, and agree as adults on a plan without having to go back through all of the court crap.

That would ultimately be the best for everyone.

Good luck Amy! =)

Holly - posted on 08/12/2013

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You need to look at the court order. If it says you need to petition the court to be allowed to move out of state, then that is what you need to do. If it doesn't mention it, then your family has the right to do what is best for your kids since you have primary custody. Just make sure that whatever you do, you have a plan for yourself, not dependent on your fiance as those things don't always work out. You need to be responsible to your kids.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 08/06/2013

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Well, I would think that you're being totally reasonable...LOL...but I'm not him!

Best of luck, Amy! It's good that this is actually a year out, so that you don't feel that you have to scramble to get settled.

Amy - posted on 08/06/2013

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Ok thanks, I am not sure how to react with him. he is usually a total jerk and is verbally abusive and controlling. the last few months he has stopped and we ahve been able to talk. We wont be moving till after this school year is over so i mentioned it to him now so he has time to think and talk it out. i just hope he sees the positive in it vs trying to control the situation.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 08/06/2013

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Honestly, it depends on what each of you present as evidence, and how well presented each side is.

Now, if you're in an otherwise amiable relationship with him, I'd give him the courtesy of responding. But, if not, go ahead and schedule the petition, and get moving on it, as I'm sure the kid's schooling is time sensitive to get them registered.

Amy - posted on 08/06/2013

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so do you think he will get his way of keeping us in state if he fights it? or do you think i have a solid reason? also can i just go petition or should i wait for his response before i do that?

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