Is my 10 y/o too spoiled?

Christina - posted on 06/30/2009 ( 21 moms have responded )

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My 10 y/o daughter has satellite TV in her room, cell phone with unlimited texting, a room that any girl would love to have (with her own bathroom!) but is so unappreciative, smart-mouthed and mean as a snake to her lil bro. Her grades are slipping in school b/c she talks too much and tries to hurry through her work. With ALL the stuff she has around the house (pool, video games, tv, etc) she stills complains of being so bored all the time! She also complains terribly if I ask her to help me around the house. I feel like she is constantly grounded, I have tried to talk with her about her attitude, even smacked her in the face a time or 2, but her mouth and un-gratefullness stays consistent. What the heck am I to do now?

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Diane - posted on 07/06/2009

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You daughter doesn't appreciate what she has, it is too much stimulation for a young child. I would take your control back as a parent and have her work to earn her stuff back. I would remove the satellite tv from her bedroom, unless you have the tv blocked, because she has too much access to inappropriate entertainment. If her grades are suffering I would not allow her to have anything except for food, water and shelter. I'm not saying this to be too harsh, I am saying this to be real. Your daughter is only 10 years old and you really only have a few years left of keeping her as your precious little girl she will soon be in middle school and that is a whole different world, she needs to know that your love is not only expressed through martial items. I know that you love your daughter and that you want her to have all of the best, but you are confusing her, so she is acting out to see how far your love will go. It will be difficult at first when you start restricting her, but just remember every time that she says "I hate you" that you know what you are doing is working and that you are becoming the best mom ever. The "I hate yous" will soon pass when she realizes that her mom is taking back the control and that she is being allowed to live her life as a precious little child. I will keep you in my prayers, and I wish you all the best.

Darla - posted on 06/30/2009

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Quoting christina:



Quoting Karen:

revert back to the stone age!!! take away her cell phone, satellite tv, all her electronics and make her EARN them back! what 10 yr old NEEDS a cell phone anyway!??? she is just being spiteful and hurtful so why let her be "privileged". Also, smacking her in the face is not a solution no matter how mouthy she gets! that just may make her more angry. maybe you should try to sit her down or take her somewhere so she has the opportunity to talk to you - girl to girl.





I had to get her a cel phone cuz we don't have a home phone, and I go to school so she is here by herself often. trust me! I wouldn't have gotten it if she didn't need a way to call out!
















They have cell phones designed for children that you can program in 4 numbers for her to call plus 911 & that's it - no texting. I agree with what everyone eles has suggested. Good luck!

Angie - posted on 06/30/2009

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I don't mean to be rude but why are you leaving your 10 year old home alone? Take her to a sitter and get rid of the phone. Get her one of those cell phones that only allows her to call a few numbers, cancel her satellite - she certainly doesn't need that. If she is not going to be a part of the family by being polite, then she doesn't need the benefits either. She has more perks than I do and I worked for all of mine!

Veronica - posted on 06/30/2009

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Take it all away for a long as you need to -- tell her she needs to prove herself to you and the rest of the family -- and really make her work for it - just because she behaves one day, doesnt change things -- they say it takes about 20 some days to change or make a habbit -- so seriously you need to hold it back from her long enough for her to get it --

Veronica - posted on 06/30/2009

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ok - so give her the cell when she's home alone - but take it from her when you are home.

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Jessie - posted on 07/14/2011

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Change gears before u completely lose control. With that much stuff she could end up adhd because she has constant stimuli. I would take away everything and have her earn it back one at a time. I have a 13yr old who shares a cell with her brother but its only on a few hours in the evening. No one in my house has a tv in the bedroom. We read more than watch tv. So I may be a little old school. If she gets everything she wants it may be difficult for her to know happiness and how to entertain herself. I would definitely take all electronics if her grades are not acceptable to u. Good luck! Hope I helped...

Vicki - posted on 07/08/2009

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I have found this to be a magic solution for almost every emotional problem with children between the ages of 2 and 20. Spend 15 minutes per day (minimum) of quality one on one time with the child. Let her choose the activity. Give her your undivided attention and cooperation for those 15 minutes (set the timer). Do it with a generous and loving spirit of fun. Stop yourself from any attempt to criticise or control the activity. Do not answer the phone, turn on the TV, or give any other creature your attention until the timer rings. I challenge all of you parents to give this a try. What have you got to loose? Kids will get your attention one way........ or another. I started doing this with my son when he was 3. I called it unstructured play time. Now, when he's acting up, I ask myself when was the last time I really connected with him on a human level? Most of his attitude or anger is really hurt from lack of connection with me. This has been working for me for 6 years now. Good luck to you. I'd love to hear back from any of you who try this.

Christy - posted on 07/07/2009

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I have a 10yr. old son who just recently lost all of his video games for good!!!! I got rid of everything. It was hard to do because he does take care of his DS (is prized possesion) but when he couldn't share a game for a different game system with his brother that sent me over the edge!!!! After the world started turning again (about a half hour) after I got rid of everything he started asking me what chores he could do around the house- again HE ASK ME WHAT CHORES HE COULD DO!!!!! I've also limited his t.v to 1 hour a day unless it's family movie night. Think back to when you were little- what did you do with your time - I know i didn't spend hours in my room watching t.v- nor did I play video games. I played outside all of the time and didn't want to come in!!!!! These days kids have way to much- we think we are giving them more- but really we are taking away from them. They don't have an imagination or creativity. Take it all away- is it really a necessity for her to have all of those things? The first week will be hard- but it will work out in the end.

Sarah - posted on 07/06/2009

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Wow girl... yes your girl is spoiled im just an honest mom ... but you gave her to much .. you should not done that...you have to talk to her .. ground her .. give her attention .. because she is full of gadgets it seems you dont exist anymore... dont smacked her its not the solution ... she will become a rebel .. she is only 10 you have time to change her way ...it will hurt her by taking away everything but if she wants it she needs to earn your respect..and priority her school .. she needs to earn that .. its give and take .. ok goodluck ... be firm dont be scarred to step and be a mom.. she only 10 you can do it ... how old are you .. you look young ... I have 11 yrs old ... he a good kid ... he have good grades at school ... honoroll student ... he demands for cell phone ... I explain it to him ... he dosent really need it if he needs to call me he can use the phone in his friends house .. but sometime i let him use my cell phone but there is always a but .. if he exceed the limits he will not go to his friends house anymore ... Im just strict to his limits ... eventually he do follow my rules .. Dont give your kids to much material coz they dont really need it ... Give them your attention.. For a change ask your daughter to have a movie date with you .. go shopping with her.. go to the park ,beach .. so she will keep her mind off her stuff....

Stephanie - posted on 07/06/2009

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I would limit the cell phone use or make her earn the money to pay for it. She sounds like my 9 yr old who is being an ungrateful royal PITA, especially to her younger sister. She loses privileges constantly but to no avail. I'm not sure what to do either.

Audrey - posted on 07/05/2009

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take it all away! seriously. and I agree about the volunteering...maybe she doesn't really have a good idea of how bad life really could be. Perhaps she needs a dose of reality. Good luck to you!

Heather - posted on 07/05/2009

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I have the same problem on occasion with my 12 yr old...With him when it gets to that point all priveliges are gone...when I ground the kids, they are grounded..that means they can read a book, or draw that's it...might sound a little harsh but it works...also someone posted who leaves a10 year old alone, and i think it depends on the childs maturity level, but my 10 and 12 year old are perfectly capable of staying home. We dont leave them alone at night, but they are home until we get home from work. When they are grounded and we are at work, we either give them extra chores, or have them write a story...something where we can tell if they've been working or playing...and if they've been playing then they are grounded longer...With my kids i've learned that you have to put your foot down and dont give an inch or they will run right over you...hope this helps :0)

Sheila - posted on 07/01/2009

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Hey Christina! I completly understand what you are going through. I have a 10 yr girl who has everything and a 9 yr boy. My daughter went through this phase and sometimes trys to go back. I have did all that you have been. Take away, grounded, slapped, yelled, and drove myself crazy. Until one day I sat her down and talked to her, gave her chores, she has to work for her stuff just like her father and I do. AND THE most important thing we did is go vol. in a homeless shelter with children. I can say it has made a world of change in her

Erica - posted on 06/30/2009

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i agree take it away, i have done it with my daughter and it works but u have to be consistent and that's my downfall, she starts to get better and i fall off the wagon. i hate to hear her complain that she has nothing to do with a room full of toys, most electronics you could want and a whole bunch of outdoor stuff. i tried to tell her that when i was her age we didn't have a lot of the fun stuff they have now and she doesn't appreciate that, give her a taste of her own medicine and i think it'll clear up her "illness"

Veronica - posted on 06/30/2009

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cancel the texting/internet - only put so many minutes a month on it too -- if that is all you got it for, that is all it should be used for. Put your foot down.

Christina - posted on 06/30/2009

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Yeah. I do. like I said, it seems like she is CONSTANTLY grounded from the phone or TV!

Christina - posted on 06/30/2009

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Quoting Karen:

revert back to the stone age!!! take away her cell phone, satellite tv, all her electronics and make her EARN them back! what 10 yr old NEEDS a cell phone anyway!??? she is just being spiteful and hurtful so why let her be "privileged". Also, smacking her in the face is not a solution no matter how mouthy she gets! that just may make her more angry. maybe you should try to sit her down or take her somewhere so she has the opportunity to talk to you - girl to girl.


I had to get her a cel phone cuz we don't have a home phone, and I go to school so she is here by herself often. trust me! I wouldn't have gotten it if she didn't need a way to call out!





Cathy - posted on 06/30/2009

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yah, I agree, these privileges should be earned, and she should be helping you without any attitude or smart mouth. Try taking away the cell phone, tv, and video games and inform her she must earn them back by being a nicer, more helpful daughter and sister to your younger son. Basically, you have to stop allowing her to run the show, and set some boundaries regarding what's expected of her...respect should be first on your list.

Veronica - posted on 06/30/2009

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I agree with Karen - take it all away - and her privelages (no swimming in the pool either) Do this for a few weeks to a month. Its nice to provide our children with things - but when they become ungrateful its time to take it away so they can realize how good they have it. we never had our own tv, phones, computer etc. -- we found these to do - playing sports - we used our imaginations and built forts, explored the woods, made up outdoor games, etc. We were always appreciative when mom and dad got us a new movie, or new toys, etc. You neeed to change her behavior now, before it truly is too late.GOod luck, you can do it!! OH - take her to help out in soup kitches, or homeless settings - so she can see what they go through in their life -- have her volunteer around the community. Get her out there to see and so that she will be greatful.

Karen - posted on 06/30/2009

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revert back to the stone age!!! take away her cell phone, satellite tv, all her electronics and make her EARN them back! what 10 yr old NEEDS a cell phone anyway!??? she is just being spiteful and hurtful so why let her be "privileged". Also, smacking her in the face is not a solution no matter how mouthy she gets! that just may make her more angry. maybe you should try to sit her down or take her somewhere so she has the opportunity to talk to you - girl to girl.

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