Is my child spoiled?

Kim - posted on 04/06/2011 ( 8 moms have responded )

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I have a 9yr old son. He is my only one but he has siblings that are my husbands. He has a ds and a wii and t.v. in his bedroom. I really don't think that he is spoiled considering that his siblings have alot more and are treated to trips to disney world and disney land at least every other year,. my son has never been to either. I know that he has much more than other kids do but sometimes he is so unappreciative of what he does have that it frustrates me. Should I take it all away until he does? I need some suggestions?

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Lissa - posted on 04/06/2011

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These days many children have what we consider too much, my children have a wii, I don't allow t.v's in bedrooms at all as I think they encourage children to be watching it and take away from family time. I think it's important not to just buy them things all the time, toys etc to me are for birthdays and christmas with the very occasional treat like a new dvd mixed in there. If you want to encourage him to be more appreciative of what he has and the value I have two suggestions. The first is to have a clear out talk about how he has so much and other don't and help him make a box up to give to charity. The second is to give him pocket money so he learns to appreciate the value of money and can save for things he wants to buy.

And no I don't think having those things are being spoiled :)

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Cynthia - posted on 04/09/2011

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at 9 years old i think he should have to earn these things. by doing good at school or by helping out at home. with christmas and birthdays being the only exception. also losing toys as punishment and not getting them back until they r earned again. the idea that a child is intitled to these things is why they have a bad aditude. and in the real world nothing is just handed over to us.

Candy - posted on 04/09/2011

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The way I see it, the problem is not access to that sort of stuff, but his attitude to it- that he seems to feel it's his by right.

Personally I don't think it's a great thing for a young kid to have all that stuff in his bedroom- bedrooms are for sleeping and doing homework- so maybe if you want to discourage the arrogant attitude you could start by taking all that stuff out of his bedroom. Make it everybody's, not just his.

But it's much more important to talk to him about the siblings and what they have and do- let it all out into the open. Yes, he may feel resentful- yes, you may be trying to make up to him for the perceived difference- tell him that. Tell him that it hurts you when he doesn't appreciate the things he gets from you.

'Spoiled' is not a useful word because it's so subjective- everyone means something different by it. But if your son's behaviour and attitude are giving you grief, you need to deal with that by being open and honest- not by manipulating material possessions.

Candy - posted on 04/07/2011

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i agree with Teresa. Spoiled it not about the stuff he has but his behavior about the stuff. If he is actting spoiled then you need to rain that in. Those are the kids no body will want to be around.

Deepti - posted on 04/06/2011

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this may work for ur child... take him to some place where he can see neglected or orphan kids.. tell him that not every child is equally gifted with both parents and facilities... he is 9 and can understand these facts... if any where around u can see some poor people or undernourished kids, then he may understand this reality... ask him to pray to GOD and thank for beautiful life he has..

all the best

[deleted account]

Hi Kim - my kids don't have any of those things you mentioned but we did take them on an overseas holiday for 3 months last year - does that mean they're spoiled?? Probably no - just lucky. But they're desperate for the wii and the DS etc etc. I think those things are really normal possessions for kids in wealthy countries, but as the other folk have said, it's all about the attitude.

If you want him to appreciate his life and what you do for him, how about doing some volunteer work for under-privileged people in your community. This will really open his eyes! A 9 year old would be perfectly capable of ladling out soup in a soup kitchen or whatever else.

On our trip we went to stay in an orphanage in Thailand for 2 weeks - it was actually a huge amount of fun (it wasn't as bad as it sounds, believe me), and it was great for our kids to see what it was like to live without a single electronic toy at all, and still have good time.

Elizabeth - posted on 04/06/2011

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I don't have a t.v. in my bedroom and I am an adult. It's all in how you look at it I suppose..I want to encourage my children ..who are much younger than your son, to be extraverts not introverts..and I think personally that all of those things really require almost zero interation with other people.

I don't want them sitting in front of the T.V., wii or any other object for hours every week.

If you want to show him how fortunate he is..let him be without those things when he is unappreciative. That will teach him really quick.

[deleted account]

Spoiled isn't measured strictly by material possessions, but by attitude. Of which your son seems to be displaying. Of course, my 9 year old twin girls have the same attitude and they have none of those things.....

I think some of it is the age. Not quite sure what to DO about it though. At least you aren't alone. ;)

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