IS ONE ENOUGH

SYLVESTER - posted on 04/01/2010 ( 47 moms have responded )

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IS IT OKAY TO HAVE 1 CHILD ? IS IT OKAY FOR THE CHILD

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Angie - posted on 04/08/2010

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It depends on the child and the family. I know some only children who do great but I also know some only children who are spoiled, rotten brats. Then again, I know some children with siblings that are spoiled, rotten brats. Again, I think it depends on the child.....

Shaz - posted on 04/08/2010

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hi , ive got one son of my own , who is 6 , now , n got a step daughter who is 18 . for me ive always wanted another , but not planning if its meant to b , then let it b ! xxxxx

Els - posted on 04/08/2010

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hi
i give them all 6 very much hughs and kisses, they are all loved ! for me it is easy to have so many kids ... and they all tell me almost every day that they love me and that they like me ... so i must be doing something wright ... not?

Ninette - posted on 04/07/2010

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I'm very happy with my one & only! she has other half siblings thatht don't live with us.
I have 2 younger sisters and I'm actually closer to the one that wasn't in the same house coming up- go figure?!

Laurie - posted on 04/07/2010

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I have one son and he is all the time asking"When are you going to have a baby?" I feel that he is missing a lot from only being a only child. I didn't want a only child but, my husband was not as agreeable. He felt that we couldn't afford #2. WHEN can you afford #1,2,3. If people waited to afford them there would be not babies in the world!!!!! You find the money,time and love for them when ever they come along. If I had it my way I would of had another baby in a heart beat!!!!!!!

Rebecca Lewis - posted on 04/07/2010

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I grew up with a 16 year differance between my sister and myself- sometimes I missed having a "close sibling"- yet I had a family of 5 very busy kids living right next door- so, I didnt miss out on "the action", yet could also come home for some peace and quiet. I grew up filling much of my time when I was bored with sketching and reading... and today I still read a lot and have had showings of my oil paintings (even sold a few!). So, YES, its okay for the child. However, today I am a parent of more than one child, and I love watching their interactions with one another- how they influence each other- (for good- like my daughter teaching my son to read... and sometimes getting into trouble together too). I think we are "meant to" have the number of chidlren we get- and there are reasons some are "onlies" and some have a few- or many. Which ever scenario we are blessed with- we are blessed.

Alice - posted on 04/06/2010

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Children are resilient. They handle life and all it's curve balls with an ease that makes most adults weep with envy. Not that being an only child is a curve ball. There are pros and cons to having an only child. To name just a few,



Pro : Being an only child means growing up in a strictly adult household. (Think about it) Growing up with only adults. Their ability to articulate will advance more quickly then their same age counterparts with siblings because they are surrounded by adults constantly. There by allowing their needs to be met more quickly because they are more verbally astute.



Pro : Having only one means more one on one time. All the one on one time you guys can handle :) Not just with play time although hopefully mountains of playtime but with academic leaps and bounds as well. No other children means less likely distracted from say alphabet flashcards or a stage one reader (book).



Pro : only one child means you might be able to make allowances for that one really expensive item they might be eying because you don't have to buy two or three.



Con : Yes, being any only child means that they are alone. It means later in life family oriented holidays may likely be less crowded for them than other people.



Con : It means that they might grow up with a lack of understanding of certain things, such as the importance of money, empathy, sharing, rejection, responsibilities. They may grow up surrounded by their own rose tinted hubris. I like to think that for the most part this particular con can be avoided. At least some of it.



Con : They might grow up a little more burdened then those pro sibling counterparts as all their parents hopes and dreams fall on their shoulders alone.



But in the end it is up to you. How many you have will certainly not damage you or the child. There are always other things to consider. Can you afford another child? If your child is out of diapers, do they sleep through the night, do you want to start all over? How does your child feel about a sibling? I have heard it said that the hardest jump is from one to two. I'm inclined to agree with that sage advice.



Whichever road you chose, I wish you the best of luck!



Alice

Steffanie - posted on 04/06/2010

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Of course it it! I think how many kids you want is a personal choice. Just make sure that your child interacts with other kids, I like having at least two so they can keep each other company. When they are young it is cool, when one turns into a teenager than they fight. I think it is fine. Just make sure that your child's needs are met, allow your child lots of time to interact with other kids. IE letting her bff spend the night, sports, going to family events with other family members with kids her own age...

Kristi - posted on 04/06/2010

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This is totally a personal decision. You have to be ok with your choice. I was raised an only child (my mom couldn't have anymore children for medical reasons) and I turned out well adjusted. I wanted a brother or sister but my husband grew up with a sister that he wished he never had. As humans we seem to always want what we dont have. The only real pitfall I see with raising an only child is to be careful not to spoil the child. It is so easy to focus on that only child and forget to teach them the skills to positively interact with others. Remember to teach them to share and be considerate of others and there is nothing wrong with one child.

Brenda - posted on 04/06/2010

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I would have to say it depends on you as parents. What you want. There are pros and cons to both...but with having our one daughter she is fabulous. We love her and is an active whirlwind in our lives which we love. We also make sure she does have play times with other children so she forms bonding friendships which allow her to interact with other children as well. Larger families are good too...more support, others to play with but also comes a larger expense, and bickering too.

Merideth - posted on 04/06/2010

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I have two kids that are two years apart and there are many, many, many times I wish i only had one. They also wish they were only children. If i was to do it again, i may have had only one or spread them way, way apart (like 5 years or more) If your child has friends and neighbors to play with, I think its fine!

Jessica - posted on 04/06/2010

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I have only one and don't plan on any more. So many people say you have to have more than one, I don't really think that is true. Some say he needs a little brother or sister to have someone to play with, Between Mommy, Daddy all his cousins and many friends Hunter is always playing with someone, and really what is wrong with kids learing how to be a little self sufficient. I'm not against haveign more than one child it's just not in the cards for us.

Laura - posted on 04/05/2010

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Having 1 is great but depending on lifestyle and everything in your life would have to help answer that question... I believe that having one is simple for the parents but hard on the kid because he or she is alone and most of the time needs mommy or daddys attention... I have 4 kiddos I wanted 6 and I have learned throughtout the years of having kids that they would not be as strong and close net if I didnt have so many... I would have to say 2 is perfect if you are questioning it ... Good luck things always work out for the kiddos he or she and how ever many you have will be awesome enjoy how ever many you have ...

Nancy - posted on 04/05/2010

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hey,
i have 1 kid who is 7 and i always think its a little too lonely for a kid to be alone but the loneliness tends to fade away once they start going to school cuz they have the other school kids to play with.we live with my niece so he has a friend to play with but i always know that its gonna affect him if he was to be separated from his cousin,so am thinking of making 2 more kids in the future.

Virginia - posted on 04/05/2010

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It is a personal choice. I have only one because of infertility issues, but I wish I could have had one more. My son is a super 10 year old boy who is well adjusted, loving and fun to be around.

Zowie - posted on 04/05/2010

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it is really is your decision but with only having one child they tend to have more issues when they are introduce into an environment with a large group of children e.g. daycare or school, as they have not had anyone that they have had to share with and then all of a sudden they have to share. i am only speaking from what i have seen at daycare, as i am a group leader at a child care centre. i have two children of my own and at times they have issues with sharing with each other but when they are at daycare they are able to share really well. as i said at the beginning, it comes down to your choice. sometimes finiances do not allow for more then one child which is something else that comes into consideration when thinking about a second one. do what you feel is best for your family.

[deleted account]

I think about this question a lot because I meet so many people with just one child, and I can't help comparing their families with mine (with 3 kids). People have made some great points above and I just want to add a comment that if you have just one child (for whatever reason) it is important not to fall into some of the potential traps of parenting sole children.



I mean over-parenting the children, giving them too much attention and belongings, not encouraging independence, not setting firm behavioural boundaries because of a fear of saying no.



Lastly, I have known several parents of sole children being overly anxious about their child. They won't let them take any risks and want to wrap them in cotton wool. I think this may brush off onto the children, who become nervous and fearful themselves.



Of course I am not saying this is the case for all sole kids - just a few things that might be good to be aware of at the outset.

Seema - posted on 04/05/2010

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no its not bcoz after somtim child wants somone to play ar share activities with the bro or sis but not with mom n dad n its yes coz 2 is better then one they take care of them when u r not hom n learn more from the one child

Catriona - posted on 04/05/2010

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Hi. I totally think it really depends on you and whether you really want more kids. I am one of 3 and couldnt have coped without my brothers through the hard times but also you have to think on if your kids will get on and like each other. I think if I hadnt had my brothers my Best friends would have been equally as supportive. Its a hard choice to make but I know lots of single kids who, with great love and support from family and friends have no need of a sibling! It doesnt hinder them, nor does it make them socially inadequate to be an only child... lots of play dates with friends helps you too. I do have 2 children but 2nd wasnt planned and it has been difficult at times. Good luck in making your choice.

Claire - posted on 04/04/2010

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thats right! and they will get more mature if they will have a brother or sister.

Winter - posted on 04/04/2010

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I think that is your choice. I have noticed that most "only children" wished that had a sibling when they were older though. I would hate to be an only child and go through family things (deaths,etc.) on my own. Not to say I wouldn't have support, but no one could support you like a sibling in those circumstances. ALso, just something I've observe, most people who haven't had siblings seem to be more spoiled, even as adults. Just my thoughts, but it is ultimately your decision.

Poonam - posted on 04/04/2010

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I only have one child, and I'm not planning on having any more. I wouldn't have the patience or the energy to raise two or more. Besides, this way, there's nothing wrong with saying that my daughter is my favorite. :)

Carmen - posted on 04/04/2010

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One child is fine but if you can have two then I would have the second. After I saw my oldest son playing by himself in his play room it broke my heart so I had a second and had another boy. They are the best of buddies and love each other so much. Have a second if you can...double the joy.

Leigh - posted on 04/04/2010

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It's totally a parents choice. I know many people who were only able to have one. It's nice to have siblings to turn to but there are benefits to only children. With just one you have more opportunity for personal bonding, accademically it's easier to focus on just one learning speed and style, and lets also acknowledge supper time and not having to deal with many picky eaters. I LOVE having both of my children however my older was an only child for 7 yrs. I would also suggest that if you do decide to have more you don't have a big age gap.

Rhonda - posted on 04/04/2010

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Every child is a blessing. I started later in life and have 2 wonderful sons who are very close.

Michelle - posted on 04/03/2010

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my son was an only child for 8 years as I got divorced when he was 11 mo and took me 4 yrs to find his step father I didn't feel the urge to have anymore children for a long time and he did constantly ask for us to give him a sibling because he had them at his dads.....at the age of 8 we decided that we were really quite happy with it being just the 3 of us sometimes 4 when my husbands daughter came to visit which is not very often as she is older....I was fine with only one unfortunately fate had other ideas and I got my precious little girl whom I love to bits, but to be honest one would have been more then enough for me and my son was a very well adjusted little boy...He is just much happier now that he has a sibling to play with. Financially though 2 is not easy being so far apart in age we are having to start over with all the baby stuff, as well as all the cool stuff that a pre teen is interested in especially extracurricular activities....talk to your spouse and see how comfortable you are at both emotionally and financially because a 2nd child can be a blessing but also a financial strain if you are not prepared for it....hope this helps remember follow your heart you will know what is right for you

Semantha - posted on 04/03/2010

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HECK YES!!! That is a decision for you and your spouse alone. I had my second daughter thinking my 1st "needed a sibling" and it would "complete the family". I didn't count on them being so opposite and hating each other. Don't let anyone pressure you into anything. At the end of the day it is YOU (& spouse) raising any children and YOU have to be comfortable with it. I think people who don't want kids are incredibly smart for knowing their own hearts and instead of being selfish as others label them, they are true to themselves first. Its a shame more people don't have sense enough to know their limits (myself included!!!). Good luck!!

[deleted account]

That is you and your spouse's decision, no one can say to you that it is or is not okay. A child will be fine if they are an only child,. but adding more just adds to the dynamics of the relationships within the family mix. I have two children and they are close in age and enjoy playing the same games and same friends. If you can afford to have more children and you feel that this will enrich your family with more then by all means have another child. Just because you have only one doesn't limit them on what they can do, you have more time for one and giving them more. Pray about it and ask God what he would have you to do - that is always the best answer. God Bless!

Pamela - posted on 04/03/2010

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It is what you are happy with and can afford. I have just 1 child and I am just fine with it and my son is too. He plays with the neighbor kids, his cousins, and the children at his daycare, so that is how he is learning to share. He will start school this fall. My husband was adamant that he only wanted one and at first I was sad, but now I'm glad because I truly believe we would not be able to afford another child on our income. I have lots of nieces and nephews, so that helps. Just remember, it's what makes you happy and don't let anyone judge you for your decisions. I see more and more couples only having one child due to either getting married later in life or remarried after a divorce. It will be okay for the child.

Teresa - posted on 04/03/2010

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I only have one child, a nine year old daughter. She has never asked for a sibling and likes being the olny one and not having to share her stuff. I don't think anyone should have more kids than they can afford. Kids are expensive and I wanted to give my child everything I didn't have growing up so that along with the fact I had a hard time getting pregnant made us decide on one.

Katy - posted on 04/03/2010

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Of course it's ok! Well I am an only child of 35y and it never hurt me. I did want a sibling, but then my mum and dad did all they could for me, and still they struggled make ends meet. So it is nice to know that they choose to focus on giving all they had to one child. I have a daughter of five years, and a son 7months. I am so glad they have each other, when me and my husband are gone. I was terrified while I was pregnant with my son as I couldn't imagine how I was going to love him. My daughter and I have a very close bond and she is my angel, so putting a boy in the mix, to me was horrific! I also thought my little girl would be upset, I thought that I might of ruined her life, no more one on one with mummy. I was very negative. However he has been a joy, my daughter and my son adore each other and she plays with him everyday after school. She is a very proud big sister. I just love him to pieces he is a happy little boy and always smiling. I must say I am much more short tempered second time around. And it is harder as we don't have as much money as before, I have to sometimes make do and he does not get all the flash toys and cloths we bought her, but I have come to realise that love is what matters not stuff. Anyhow, at the end of the day how can anybody say if it's wrong to have one child, everybody is different and we should all live our own lives however we want to (within reason of course) and if that means only having one child what does it matter to anybody else?

Angelina - posted on 04/02/2010

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That is really a personal decision and in my opinion, based on what you feel you can offer the second one. It is maybe not the optimal thing for a child to be the "only one" but I would say strongly consider your options (finances, emotions) and what you really feel is best for your family. I have known people who had only one and it was a perfect thing for that family and I have know them to have one and the child was very lonely. God bless you and much success on whatever you decide.

[deleted account]

I think its totally up to you and depends on your situation. I have 3 at the moment and would love one more but my hubby says we couldnt cope with another...mind u he said that after 2 so I still hold out hope :) x

Kesha - posted on 04/02/2010

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I would say one child is fine while they're young but when they get older your child is gonna want someone to play with cause thats how it was with my oldest child. He used to go over his couisin house and never wanted to leave cause he never had anyone to play with, so it all depends on if your child is young right now.

Sherry - posted on 04/02/2010

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Sure ir is fine...I was an only child myself and I am very well adjusted. I did choose to have 2 children, and I did wish occasionally to have a sibling while rowing up, but I was adopted. I think having one is perfectly fine.

Debbie - posted on 04/02/2010

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yeh i think it is , but i think it is nicer for them to have a brother or sister

Kristina - posted on 04/02/2010

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Only you can decide how many children is right for you to have. I have known people who have had one child and their child is very happy and well adjusted. I know people who have more than one child who have trouble with every one. How many children to have is a supremely personal decision. How we choose to parent those children, the quality of time we spend with them, the love we show them and the example we live for them is far more important than whether we have 1 or 8. I personally have 4.

Deb - posted on 04/01/2010

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Of course it is ok to just have one child. Keep you kid entertained with friends and interact with them on a daily basis and your child will be fine. My 1st child was an only child untill 7 yrs old.

Sarah - posted on 04/01/2010

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One is perfectly Ok, I'm an only child and so is my son and it hasn't done either of us any harm.

Preet - posted on 04/01/2010

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This insecurity comes in mind bt ur love for 2nd wl nt be less than ur 1st child.And handling 2nd one is more easier bcoz u had gone thru all this once . Ur child wl be so happy to see his bro or sis tht he wl help u doing things for the little one.

SYLVESTER - posted on 04/01/2010

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My biggest concern is will i'll be able to give the second the same can i afford havin another child, els how do you cope

Els - posted on 04/01/2010

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hi, i live in belgium

i don't know if it is ok for the child.

then it always has to play alone ...

I have 6 kids... but first i just wanted 2 kids. And i had 2 kids, a boy and a girl.

But i like kids and i knew that there were lots of kids with troubled parents, so i became a foster mom and now i have also 4 foster kids, all girls.

And they play very well together, naturally it is very busy and everywhere you look toys on the floor but i am happy that the kids are happy.

So you see ... i only wanted 2 kids and now have 6 kids !

Preet - posted on 04/01/2010

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I think many moms after having 1 dont wnt to have another , bt really having 2 kids wll double ur joy. Starting period when both kids r small may be difficult bt afterwards u wl feel proud on ur decision .Even the 1st one gets company at home .If u wl think more than the age difference between kids will be more . Every1 likes to have 1 sibling in later years to share their life.

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