Issues with 1st grade teacher's Shaming and Blaming treatment of children

Anne-Marie - posted on 10/01/2011 ( 6 moms have responded )

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My six year old son has been having some issues at school. (or should I say I am having issues with the way the teacher treats the kids in his class..) He received a "blue slip" (principal referral slip) yesterday for kissing his friend on the cheek. Apparently there is a rule at his school no kissing--which makes absolute sense depending on the context! When the teacher spoke with me--stating we had a problem, I, #1 asked if she made sure he KNEW this was a rule, she said no. #2 I asked had she seen him doing this, (no), told him it was against the school rules (no), and then he blatantly disregarded her and did it again? No. Well---than it makes no sense to give him a slip! Needless to say--this, among other minor things like locking the door to the classroom so the kids can't get out and parents can't get in--telling the kids that "most of you were good today"--etc, has created a situation where he does not want to go back..And Frankly--I don't want him back in that environment...I have spoken with the principal--but don't think anything is going to get done. Suggestions? do I pull my son from school??? --torn mama

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Julia - posted on 12/10/2011

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a teacher who has a classroom that causes fear in a child and consequently the child does not want to go to school is creating something similar to a train wreck That is, if a train goes off the track it is off the track forever. If your child is feeling scared of going to school or fearing shaming by the teacher and the teacher does not get it then before it turns into a train wreck get him out of that classroom and free of that teacher Do not wait Waiting too long will be a train wreck

Jenifer - posted on 10/03/2011

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my daughter is also in 1st grade. At the beginning of the year the students were presented with a school code of conduct as well as class rules. These were sent home with her so that I as a parent could also review the rules with her. The students then went over the rules together as a class at which time the teacher explained each rule to the in a language they could understand. Perhaps this is something you should suggest to the teacher. That way all students, not just your son, will know what is and is not allowed in the class. Unless this is a private school, there are regulations that prevent schools from having doors that lock on both sides because it is a fire hazard and the children would be trapped in the room if a fire broke out (I am sure that this applies to private schools as well since it is just common sense not to trap the children in the class). Rather than pull your child from school, take it through the chain of command and remember the squeaky wheel gets the grease. Don't stop until this is resolved.

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Hollie - posted on 12/10/2011

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never heard of a government official being mean to a child or placing fear in them

Shawn - posted on 10/03/2011

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What ever you do don't let it slide. I had the same issues with a teacher when my youngest was in 4th grade and his new to the district teacher didn't like my son. He nit picked at my son for things like loose paper in his desk, or using his left hand to support his right arm while it was raised, etc. Things that had no effect on the class but seemed to bother the teacher. I let it slide and told my son to just do what his teacher wanted him to do and he would be out of that class in a few months. Boy was I wrong, the nit picking ate at my son's patience as well at his confidence, he now hates school, and nothing I try changes that. That teacher black marked my son even though every teacher before him would say my son was sweet, honest and loved to learn, now every teacher after has said my son is sullen and refuses to do the work. It is my fault, and I should have forced that school to do something to control that teacher. I was scared that if I did it would be harder on my son and now I think that if the school district realized I would involve lawyers they would be more likely to control the teacher.

P.S. The teacher in question had been an Army drill sergeant and treated the kids as if they were in the military. They had to line up outside the class before school started, march in line to the desks and stand there at attention until everyone was in the room, then when the bell sounded everyone had to sit at the same time, Leaving the class for recess or to go home was the same way, and many times my son almost missed the bus due to waiting for everyone to stand at attention before going home.

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What is needed is a face-to-face conference with a principal or other administrator as a moderator. Explain you 1) have some concerns which are starting to impede your son's education, and 2) start to lose faith in the school environment. At his age/grade level, everything is a learning experience. My son is also 6 and in 1st grade. If he makes a school error, he needs to be taught WHY it's a school "no-no" and if he does it again, this is the consequence. A face-to-face meeting could also include your son and he shoul dbe able to voice his opinion about whathe likes or doesn't like about school. Also ask yourself: are you dissatisfied with the teacher? Or the entire school? What do yo uwan tto see as the outcome? Do you like the school, but just want to change the classroom? Or completely dislike the school and want to change schools? Many school districts in the States allow for open enrollment within your district, or to neighboring districts. There are also charters, privates, or homeschooling options. Best of luck to you!

Danielle - posted on 10/01/2011

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Can you get his classroom changed? If that doesn't work, I would pull him out and either homeschool or find another school.

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