Kid's behaving for parents.

Tanya - posted on 09/12/2009 ( 30 moms have responded )

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Can anyone tell me why kid's will be good for everyone else, but treat their parents the worst?

my daughter just started school, and will listen to everything her teacher says with no problem, but comes home yells, screams throws fits at us, and so much more..

We have started the "Thinking" chair at home, and every time she acts up, its a minute in the chair, but i could really use some more advice on how to handle a very stubborn natured 5 year old!

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[deleted account]

Its a stage. She probably doesnt know if she should act like a little girl or a big girl. I had the same problem. I opened up to my daughter and told her how much it hurted my feelings when she did that. That I too wanted to be her friend.

Tanya - posted on 09/13/2009

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Quoting tania:

well my dear the chair has already started at school and the best thing is to keep at it. trust me they hate sitting in that chair and a minute is like an hour to them............lol im on the 10min chair in the corner now just by the way.....kids know just how to play their parents trust me they wana see what their limits are. Ive gt 4kids ranging ffom 5yrs old to 18yr old so my friend just do the best you can an lots of strength lol


Wow i just have to say thanks that was a wonderful response, and gives me a bit of courage, i mean i know i get down and dont know what to do, but she is my daughter, and no matter what i love her to death!!  and yes maam there is no way we are giving up on that thinking chair..lol..she hates it very much!! thank you!


 

30 Comments

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Nikole - posted on 09/18/2009

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Anne, I so love that response about going back out the door and starting over again. I am so going to start trying that. I have a 10 year old that comes home from school sometimes and i just want to send him back. Thanks for the idea!

Thompson - posted on 09/18/2009

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I have a very no nonsense approach. My son did that a few times and I told him if he acted like that again all of his toys would be taken away and he'd have to earn them back a couple at a time. Well,he threw a giant fit and I went into his room and took every toy out to the garage. It stopped after that. He earned a toy or two a day for good behavior and I very rarely have attitude problems. Now when he seems like he's getting one I remind him. It might seem a little extreme, but if you don't stop it now it will get worse.People ask me all the time how I have such a sweet and well behaved little boy. It's lots of love, hugs, kisses and discipline.

Haley - posted on 09/18/2009

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Your daughter acts up for you because you are her primary diciplinarian. She does not like it when a mom or dad try to teach her between right and wrong. The fits and tantrums are for attention. I tell you what, I have tried SOO many of the supernanny's suggestions and they work. When she is throwing her fits or tantrums. Kneel down to her level, look her in the eye and tell her this is not acceptable behavior and sit her in a naughty chair for 5 minutes. Make sure you stick to your guns and dont let a 5 year old overpower you. If she gets out of the naughty spot...just keep putting her back and make the time start over every time she gets up. Your daughter WILL start to respect you if you show her that you are the Parent!

Sally - posted on 09/18/2009

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Totally agree with Sylvia Hunter- kids cant possibly be on thier best behaviour all day! Home is thier safe place.......BUT you are entitled ahve some controll and order, it's your home too. have ur child and partner if applicable write out a list of 'House Rules - keep it simple- eg: be honest, do as your asked, no hitting, listen to mum and dad etc.

Good luck

Jennifer - posted on 09/17/2009

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I used to have the same problem.. They want attention!! And when they are being good or do something good you gotta praise that. It seems like the only time you and them communicate is when they are being bad. Also bribery works. Bad habit but it works!! Hope this helps..

Melanie - posted on 09/16/2009

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Find out what strategies the teacher uses for various behaviours in the classrooom and start to use a few at home, you may have to modify them, but try to use the same language. At my daughters school they get them to think about what is good big kid behaviour, if someone talked to you the way you talked to me how would that make you feel. That kind of thing and it really works - usually ends up with them trying not to cry as they realise the implication of their words/behaviour.

Jan - posted on 09/16/2009

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I am a mom (again) we adopted a little girl and she is a joy! I believe in spanking for outright disobedience. If she doesn't understand what is expected of her-that's different.James Dobson has some good books on parenting! I pray for my kids everyday. The other 4 are grown and have kids of their own. Hang in there and ask God for wisdom, he gives it freely.

Tanya - posted on 09/16/2009

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Quoting Tina:

You are on the RIGHT TRACK...one step at a time and keep your head high...your mind quick...and feet ready...I do believe in spanking and agree with your way as well...anger...what is right...yes...I like was corrected this way and I got the lesson...it gets their attention so you can train them to what is right...I see such fruit in our life's from it with our own kids...glad to hear your husband is comng around...unity is so important and change (sepration from you) is real and hard...and realize that...however not allowing that to be the excuse for the behavior and taking that into consdieration are two diefferent things...I don't think you are using it...like some do...they allow the behavoior because of the problem instead of correcting it having understanidng for it...Agan Happy Parenting...Keep up the great work now you won't regret it later...


aww thanks i actually teared up on that one..lol..i really do appreciate it so much!! love being a mom, it's not easy, but i wouldnt trade it for the world!!

Tina - posted on 09/16/2009

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You are on the RIGHT TRACK...one step at a time and keep your head high...your mind quick...and feet ready...I do believe in spanking and agree with your way as well...anger...what is right...yes...I like was corrected this way and I got the lesson...it gets their attention so you can train them to what is right...I see such fruit in our life's from it with our own kids...glad to hear your husband is comng around...unity is so important and change (sepration from you) is real and hard...and realize that...however not allowing that to be the excuse for the behavior and taking that into consdieration are two diefferent things...I don't think you are using it...like some do...they allow the behavoior because of the problem instead of correcting it having understanidng for it...Agan Happy Parenting...Keep up the great work now you won't regret it later...

Tanya - posted on 09/16/2009

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Quoting Tina:

Is it not the truth when we see ourselves in our kids...I like you have been stubborn in many ways...I have had to make changes in me and then work on my kids...I know you are hoping it is just a phase...but chances are it is not...they grow stronger and stronger in those things especailly when it is not taken care of at a young age...it will get easier if we curve it now but not go away...I see so many parents make excuses for their chilldren's beahviors...they are tired, hungry, having a bad day, all of which should not be excused...it is hard work being a parent...anyone who thinks it is easy is nto doing their job...but we allow so many things when they are young...this stage and that stage...and if at every turn we would jsut train them and teach them what is acceptable and what is not...we could win the battle and help them with life and what it brings them...they would shaped and molded in a way of knowing what the rules are and what is expected and they would live up to those...btu not without a fight...they will fight...but we will win...if we stay steadfast in oue efforts...Happy Parenting


yes maam, i agree 100% i will not tolerate her treating me like that, husband and i have had so many disagreements on spanking..(not sure what you feel on that) but i was raised that way, and think that if you do it out of anger, its wrong, but doing it to correct and teach a lesson is different, i know that we have many issues due to the difference in opinions, and i have told him time and time again he cant do one thing, and me another we have to join forces, hes getting better now, because he sees more and more how she has treated me.



I have as well been changing myself in so many ways, i try to teach her that if shes like this no one is gonna like her if she always has to have the last word, and argues, and screams, but i have noticed with her she has to leanr the hard way, and when she does her tears hurt me so much, that she had to learn a lesson that way, and not moms gentle teachings..shes been doing better, and i thank god for that it didnt start back up again until she went back to school, and i do think that it has a lot to do with her seperation from me, (not making exscuses) but she was doing so well she loves school, but is acting out at home, yesterday was an awesome day, this morning kinda iffy..lol, but we are getting there..



 



Thank you so much for your concern. all you have said i have done, and she knows that i am done fed up with it all!!



thank you again from the bottom of my heart, being a 1st time mom and not having anyone around for advice is really hard sometimes, so thank you!!

Tina - posted on 09/16/2009

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Is it not the truth when we see ourselves in our kids...I like you have been stubborn in many ways...I have had to make changes in me and then work on my kids...I know you are hoping it is just a phase...but chances are it is not...they grow stronger and stronger in those things especailly when it is not taken care of at a young age...it will get easier if we curve it now but not go away...I see so many parents make excuses for their chilldren's beahviors...they are tired, hungry, having a bad day, all of which should not be excused...it is hard work being a parent...anyone who thinks it is easy is nto doing their job...but we allow so many things when they are young...this stage and that stage...and if at every turn we would jsut train them and teach them what is acceptable and what is not...we could win the battle and help them with life and what it brings them...they would shaped and molded in a way of knowing what the rules are and what is expected and they would live up to those...btu not without a fight...they will fight...but we will win...if we stay steadfast in oue efforts...Happy Parenting

Tanya - posted on 09/16/2009

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Quoting Tina:

Jsut one more thing...that kind of disrespect should not be allowed towards you...honor should be the first and foremost important thing learned by kids in the home and taught by parents in the home...if you have a husabnd...the two of you agree that they will nto treat you that way...no excuses is good enough...tired...school...etc...NO REASON is GOOD ENOUGH...it should not be allowed...draw lines and create rules and boundaries...which it sounds like you are doing with the thinking chair...sounds like a good start, follow through and they will respet you for it...kids hate weak parents...they in their hearts act out screaming for correction...where is the line and if they let me cross it once I will again and agian and really they are lookign for help...a line in the sand...what is tolerable and what is not...


i couldn't agree with you more, she has a very stubborn nature hate to say much like me..lol..we have been working with her for so long now, and hoping it is just a phase, some days are so wonderful others so hard...but thank you so much for your response and your help!!

Tina - posted on 09/15/2009

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Jsut one more thing...that kind of disrespect should not be allowed towards you...honor should be the first and foremost important thing learned by kids in the home and taught by parents in the home...if you have a husabnd...the two of you agree that they will nto treat you that way...no excuses is good enough...tired...school...etc...NO REASON is GOOD ENOUGH...it should not be allowed...draw lines and create rules and boundaries...which it sounds like you are doing with the thinking chair...sounds like a good start, follow through and they will respet you for it...kids hate weak parents...they in their hearts act out screaming for correction...where is the line and if they let me cross it once I will again and agian and really they are lookign for help...a line in the sand...what is tolerable and what is not...

Tina - posted on 09/15/2009

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I have found that most time when this occurs...is the fact that the school...teacher...etc...have clear rules and boundaries which build security for the child which creates respect for them because they knwo where the boundary is and resepcts it...and the person giving it...

Tanya - posted on 09/15/2009

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thank you that helps, and a thinking chair is where they think about what they done and how they have acted like a time out chair..have you ever watched super nanny...she has it on her show, but its called time out chair!

Sylvia - posted on 09/14/2009

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Don't worry, this is totally normal! (Infuriating, I know, but totally normal.) Behaving well at school and freaking out at home is actually what you want: it means she trusts you and is comfortable letting it all hang out when she's at home.

Starting school is difficult, and a big transition. Even if she's having fun at school (which you hope they do, in kindergarten!), it's hard work figuring out her place in this whole new world and coping with all these new people. My daughter is in Grade 2 now, but I remember a lot of tears and meltdowns in the first week of September two years ago, when she started school -- new school, new kids, new teacher, new child care (after 4 years at the same daycare), new routine ... it's tough! She held it together all day, but as soon as I picked her up she just lost it. Once she'd got used to all the new stuff, though, and started to figure everything out and make new friends, she calmed way down. The first week of school every year is still a bit fraught, though.

Does she need a snack after school, maybe? These days I usually find that when my daughter is really freaking out at the end of the day, it's because she's really hungry -- there's usually something left in her lunch bag, if that's the case, and if I can get her to eat it, whatever it is, she's almost always back to her usual cheerful self within minutes...

Oh, and what's a "thinking chair"?

Patricia - posted on 09/13/2009

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My son will be 5 in December & he is driving me insane!! He does not listen to me anymore. Timeout is not working, soanking is not working, talking to him is not working...I just want to cry, scream or run away!! So I'm with you! I need help as well!

Tanya - posted on 09/13/2009

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thank you yes we ask her everyday many questions about how things are at school, and everday she says she loves it, and theres no problems, but i think in a way she is having some kind of seperation problems, she has been with me everyday day in and day out for 5 yrs, now like i said she loves school, but i think she has a lot of problems expressing herself, we try and tell her just stop and think about things, she gets very upset even when she cant say what shes thinking..

Genea - posted on 09/13/2009

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she is probably having alot of mixed emotions.my 18 year old used to do this.make sure there is no problems at school.she will outgrow it.

Gifty - posted on 09/13/2009

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Hi, about the thinking chair it should be done after a warninig and pls try not to add all up else it becomes too confusing for her. If she does something you give her the 5 mins there and then, my kids are the same when they are outside the hse, i've people telling me how lucky i am to have such well behaved kids but believe me they'r totally different at home. good luck ang God bless you and your family.

Tanya - posted on 09/13/2009

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thanks for your response, its much appeciated, we dont just sit her down for one minute, its added up for all the things she does all day then she gets that..but hey thanks, shes already thinking twice about what she does!

[deleted account]

Kids are ALWAYS better for others...that's totally natural. She knows how to play you cuz she's lived with you forever. She can't get away with other people as easily as with you...word of advice...the "thinking chair" should be 5 mins. 1 min for every year she has. 1 min is no longer then just getting yelled at. 5 mins is an eternity in kid years, it'll make her think twice b4 doing something naughty

Tania - posted on 09/13/2009

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well my dear the chair has already started at school and the best thing is to keep at it. trust me they hate sitting in that chair and a minute is like an hour to them............lol im on the 10min chair in the corner now just by the way.....kids know just how to play their parents trust me they wana see what their limits are. Ive gt 4kids ranging ffom 5yrs old to 18yr old so my friend just do the best you can an lots of strength lol

Anne - posted on 09/12/2009

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I have asked my children to go back out the front door and to come back when my happy precious girl/boy is here, because I dont particulary like this child I have bought home. At first there was some confusion. Now they go back to the front door, open it step out then come back with their problems of the day and a big cuddle and appology.

Crystal - posted on 09/12/2009

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its ALWAYS like that, but my gramma always said, isnt it better that way, would you want them misbehaving with them? i think with school/daycare as well its because all the other kids are doing it so they want to as well...

[deleted account]

Make fun activities with her. even if its just a plain walk around the block. Spend time with her, just her. She needs to be reassured that you are their for her. Hope it helps!

Tanya - posted on 09/12/2009

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thank you for your reply...i have done that as well with her the other day was just down right horrible, and i ended up walking away crying, and said that to her, that it really hurts my feelings when shes that way..all i want is my little girl to hug and cuddle and tickle and have fun times with, and sometimes i just don't even wanna be around her when shes this way..
When she does know it she does give a heart felt apology, and i can tell shes sorry, but it dont last long..i sure hope it is only a phase, because im about at my wits end i tell ya..lol

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