M soon to be 9 year old son has no respect for me...

Michelle - posted on 10/17/2012 ( 1 mom has responded )

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Hi. Im new here and never wrote on any of these message boards but i am at my wits end. My once sweet and quiet baby who i thought was going to be my "easy" one, since he learned how to talk has been arrogant, nasty, argumentative, and totally disrespectful. Mainly to me, and somewhat to my husband. He torments his 12 year old sister and they are always fighting. He cannot be told what to do, he just wont listen. He has this idea that he does what he wants when he wants, ex. homework, chores, playdates...etc. I am very calm with him most of the time but eventually he gets me to the point where i explode and start screaming.. i try putting him in his room having to literally drag him in there and hold the door shut. Ive taken things away. I have had on and off bouts with clinical depression and have fallen into it when things dont let up. He has seen me cry only to say in a snotty voice, "are you seriously crying??!!" There are times when he i can see he really tries to be good and i praise him and try to make him realize how nice our family life can be without all the yelling between him and i and his sister.. My husband is rarely home but even after only an hour of being home he has had it with having to repeat over and over things to him. And the back talk. I am told by my husband that i "allow" him to treat me this way. Cant help but wonder if there is maybe something wrong with him. ADHD, ADD, and now there is something called Oppositional Defiance Disorder. There is a disorder for everything these days. I am having a neurologist test him in December but the thing is he i respectful in school and teachers say he does what he needs to do. So if it were a disorder he couldnt control it when hes at school.... right? What am i doing wrong? My husband is kinda OCD and very critical of me and the kids. Hes a good husband and dad but between him and my son i want to run sometimes.. I never would but can understand how some get to that point. I love my son dearly but cannot stand when the bus is coming down the block and i have a knot in my stomach.. it shouldnt be that way...sorry for the novel, im just soooo confused what to do and want my son to grow up to be a good person.. Help!!

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Michelle - posted on 10/17/2012

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The problem with your son very well could be a disorder of some kind, my son has both adhd and odd, but can cope off his meds when needed ex. school or out in public, but at home it is a different story his 3 year old little sister knows how to get him wound up and will do so on a regular basis. Since putting him on his meds the only times of the day that are not pleasant is first thing in the morning when he gets up which we are working on and sometimes just before bed if he stays up to late. The thing is with kids who have these disorders everything has to be black and white you cannot change the rules or the consequences if you let them get away with something once they will continue to bully. Put your foot down don't give in keep looking for answers and eventually you will find ways to deal with his behavior that work.

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