Miss bossy boots smarty pants

Jeni - posted on 05/29/2010 ( 9 moms have responded )

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Ok i have a 5 year old that is convinced she knows everything the whole world revolves around her and nobody else can think for themselves, she thinks she has to tell them what they're thinking. She doesn't play with other children she just sits there doing what she wants and telling other children (her 3 year old sister included) what to do.

Prime example: they're building a castle out of blocks together right now every time little sister puts a block on big sister says that doesnt go there put it here, i dont want turrets, or a path etc.

I've tried talking to her, I've tried telling her off, I've tried telling her if she can't share she can go do something else on her own. Doesn't make any difference. More then anything I'm worried she'll end up with no friends in school, I know she struggles as it is with making friends.

I guess I just want to know am i making a big deal out of nothing? Is this just a stage kids go through or am I right to worry and if so has anyone got any advice?

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Angie - posted on 05/30/2010

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I see you've tried a lot of the ideas I would try. However, are you trying each one consistently for a long period of time? In the castle scenrio, you could explain that this is a family castly and that she needs to let her sister add parts too. If it continues send her to her room until she can play nicely. The next time she does something like this, she gets the same warning and the same consequence. When she comes out, she is told that if she continues to behave like this, she will be sent directly to her room with no warning. The third time this happens, she is sent directly to her room. It will take time but she will get it and soon find that sharing and being kind is much better than being in her room alone. Whatever you do, don't punish the younger sibling by not allowing her to continue playing. Big sister needs to be removed from the situation, not little sister.

Christina - posted on 05/29/2010

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My daughter is like this but thankfully it is getting better. (She's 6). She is particularly bossy with her brother and when I see it getting out of control I remove her brother from the situation. (Connor why dont you come play with mommy instead...) When she gets jealous I tell her that she cant play with me because she is not playing nice. After a few times she would catch on, apologize and then I would include her. I only play with them for about 5 minutes and then remove myself with a gentle reminder to play nice. As for school, I find that my daughter is a lot less bossy which is common. Once in the begining of the year a little boy told her "your not the boss" which really upset her and I explained to her why he said it, how it made her feel and how did she think she was making the little boy feel. I havent had another incident at school since. Good luck!

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Carla - posted on 05/31/2010

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Being the oldest is hard. You feel like Little Mother. But I think Christina has the right idea, along with naughty corner, quiet corner, whatever. The violent throwing herself against a wall bothers me a little, tho. Do you put her in the beanbag room as soon as she starts that? Does that stop the incident? Does she show you any signs before she gets to that point? If so, can you defuse by maybe putting her on the beanbags BEFORE she gets there? Like maybe 'honey, I think you're getting a little too upset. Let's go sit in the quiet spot for a while. You HAVE to learn to play with Willow without getting so angry.' Or something like that. Good luck, sweetie!

Christina - posted on 05/30/2010

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wait until your younger daughter gets more opinionated LOL. My younger son always let my daughter have her way until one day out of the blue, he has his own opinions. Now they bicker ALL DAY LONG! I hear that this is another stage (that lasts 10 years!hahaha)

Sherri - posted on 05/30/2010

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My oldest was like this. He was very tunnel visioned he could only see it one way his way. To him there was never any other option. It was just how his brain worked. So how we worked this out was A LOT of role playing when different scenarios came up. It helped him to see there were more than one way to do things and more tactful ways to word things. After going with slim to no friends through elementary school to now having so many friends I can't keep track of all the kids in "THE GROUP" as they are called. Hope this helps.

Jeni - posted on 05/30/2010

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the individual thing actually makes sense, she doesn't want to seem to want to listen to anything i say anymore, its like i'm just this annoying fly that keeps buzzing in her ear lol and the naughty step just seems to make her feel more frustrated, I don't know, maybe it'll take someone else, like another kid in school to knock her back into line before it sinks in

Jeni - posted on 05/30/2010

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Get one thing straight I would never punish 1 child because the other 1s being naughty! Willow is very different to Steph, where Stephs loud and damanding, Wills quiet and very independant (I actually have to have arguments with her because she can't understand why she can't get a chair to stand on and do the dishes when she feels like it or empty/fill the washing machine without mummys help at the age of 3, she also figured out how to get her own juice out the fridge and cookies out the cookie jar as soon as mummy turned her back by 18months lmao!) If Willow wants to make a tower with her sister there isn't really much arguing with her. She can't really understand why because to her Stephs just being well... Steph lol.

Usually I over hear what Steph is saying first warn her to play nicely then send her to the naughty step when she carries on (she always does), she usually sits there screaming and telling me what a horrible nasty person I am, so I send her to her room, then 10 mins later i go up ask her to tell me everything she's done wrong and how would she feel if it where the other way round and she appologises and comes down. If she's not ready to appologise I give her 15mins and repeat etc. Its more a case of Stephanie can't seem to understand how to play with other children then anything else, she seems to feel the need to control everything and everybody around her. Its almost like its not ringing a bell that if she does this that will happen until 'that' is actually happening if you get what I mean? Which is what made me think maybe its just a stage she's going through and she can't really understand yet. Either way naughty step/bedroom doesn't seem to work in this case (this is the punishment system I put in place when Stephanie was about 2 for all naughty behaviour and Willow gets the same rules (apart from Willow just goes into violent (hitting kicking throwing herself against things) hesterics and forgets what she's done as soon as she's anywhere near the naughty step so she's genrally put in the 'quiet area' which is a soft area with beanbags until she's calmed down then says sorry and cuddles all round lol).

Katherine - posted on 05/30/2010

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My daughter is the same way. She back talks like it's nobody's business too. Noooo, you are not making a big deal out of nothing.
What my ped said was that they are beginning to learn their independence and it angers them and frustrates them. They no longer see themselves as an extension of you, but rather as an individual. They are also seeing what they can get away with and how far they can push.

Time outs work like a charm, my daughter HATES them 5 minutes and she usually doesn't do it again...........until the next day. Either that or start taking things away.

Jeni - posted on 05/30/2010

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thanks that really does help, I'm getting really sick of asking my mums advice and just getting 'oh she's only a baby just ignore her' lol.
I think it bugs me more because Willows used to being bossed around by Steph (I ignored it when she was smaller thought Steph'd grow out of it) so Will just sits there and takes it (appart from when Steph starts trying to take things she wants to play with then Will gets cross and when Will gets cross the whole street knows about it lmao) I feel like screaming at Steph and saying its not fair that she should think she has to just do as you say. I sat her down yesterday for what feels like the hundreth time and said to her 'you know sharing means helping someone else not telling them what to do right?' then she went and said 'Willow do you want me to help you build a house?' so i said 'but Steph why dont you try asking her what she wants help building maybe she wants to make something else, you always want to make a house, maybe willow has an idea for something she wants to make?' I could almost see the cogs working in her brain lol. Confused her even more when Willow said she wanted to make a lego skateboard lol! She just doesn't seem to be able to understand the whole other people can think for themselves concept lol. She just thinks she has to think for who evers around her, she repeats what her sister says too like i can't hear anyone but her, then theres her 1 year old little brother because he can't talk she sits there saying luke you want to play with a train dont you and giving him a train for example, granted he usually hits her over the head with it because she's right in his face 'teaching him how to play with it' or chucks it at her if he doesn't want it and walks off, but still its like here we go again lol. Oh well I think at this rate Willow and Luke will gang up on her when they're both a bit bigger so she'll learn her lesson 1 day wether it be the hard or the easy way where she actually listens to me (that'll be a first lol she thinks i'm just being mean saying things like she has to share and be nice to people *head...wall* lol)

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