Mother of a classmate blaming me for bad behaviour of my son.

Martina - posted on 09/09/2010 ( 6 moms have responded )

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Hello, everybody.

My son is a freshman at elementary since 4 days, and yesterday i got a call from my best-friend-mom (her son's in same class as mine) telling me my son had a quarrel with hers.
today at work she phoned me again, saying that the daynurse of her son just told her, her son told her that MY son spit.
Also, the teacher told her, both were sitting front row because she can keep an eye on them.
And then she told me that CAN'T come from her son, the troublemake must be mine.
Furthermore my son is BEHAVOIRAL, and that I can't educate my son!!
So she will be going to the teacher if that happens again, so that my son gets a seat in the last row al by himself, because he "deserves" that, that he is disturbing her son from training.
She even dared to tell me, that she actually TOLD MY SON to behave.
--
Last thing she has no right to do that, arguing to a stranger's kid - really.
although my son told me that this kid always tries to talk to him during lessons - with spitting that might be true, but he does that only in great anger - but she told me her son doesn't prowoke rights, right.
--
but i really don't want to bring you up against this woman who I thought of a good friend of mine, what the REAL PROBLEM HERE is:
during that phonecall I wasn't able to counter A SINGLE word.
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SO MY QUESTION IS:
How do you counter those verbal attacks, giving contra?
Recommend a conversation-training book, that's for those kinds of problems?

6 Comments

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Martina - posted on 09/11/2010

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hi, I'd like to thank you all for you support :D

I have talked to the teacher o friday, and she said she didn't really notice anything wrong
(so i suppose the spitting-thing must've happened in afternoon-lessons, unfotunately on fridays my son hasn't so i have to check on mondays)
as i said I believe the other kid in saying my son spit, but i'd like to know WHY exactly, because my child told me he was clinging onto him, so i hope the afternoon-teacher can tell me.

as for any contact with this mother - personally never, only in front of teacher and principal - thanks!

Angie - posted on 09/10/2010

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Some parents have a tendency to be in denial about their children's behavior. In this case, I think both of you denying your child's part in this - no child is perfect. However, you should not have to deal with this abuse. Don't speak with her anymore. If she calls again tell her that you won't discuss this with her and hang up the phone. If you see her at school and this starts, tell her that this conversation is inappropriate at school and walk away. Speak with the teacher and let her know that this has become a problem and ask her to separate your children to avoid the harassment you are suffering. Good luck...

Jane - posted on 09/10/2010

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Just tell her that you want to work together to correct anything negative and that you are going to work with your son how to handle his frustration using his words and not spitting....

Erin - posted on 09/10/2010

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Keeping an eye of objectivity is the perfect thing to do!
And I agree with Christy, keep in close contact with the teacher because she is actually there for the situation. Get the story straight from her, so when and if you are put in this position again, you are educated about what's actually happening. When another mom says, your son did this and this and this.....you can say, well actually, no, I already spoke to the teacher and I was told this...and so on.

Martina - posted on 09/10/2010

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:) menopausal fits, cause she's actually fitting the age...

jokes, aside, i luckily got the chance to speak to the teacher today, i hope i can bring up the topic to that, too.
unfotunately i'm not the one that's dealing good with any difficulties, maybe that's a minus for me as a mum :(
worst fear is, maybe she tries to bring up other parents of classmates against my son...
today, though, my son was happily greeted by a girl of his class in the morning, so he really can't be THAT a beast...
i love my little one, but i really try to keep an eye of objectivity on the situation...

Christy - posted on 09/09/2010

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Go talk to the teacher yourself or someone who is actually THERE when these things are happening & find out what is & what isn't AND express your concerns in regard to what this mother is accusing. Maybe ask the teacher to reassign their seats before things get worse. This woman sounds menopausal. I wouldn't worry about countering her or even dignifying any of her comments. It would only make things worse & fuel the conflict.

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