Mouthy 5 year old girl!!!! How do I stop her?

Alma - posted on 01/28/2011 ( 11 moms have responded )

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My daughter is 5 and ever since she went to pre-k last year she has been very mouthy all the time to everyone. She will run out of the room saying you don't love me and fine i will just stay in my room. How can i get her out of this cause honestly i just want to smack her in her mouth when she talks to me or anyone else like that. It is very irritating and annoying. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. I am at my whits end with her and I'm not sure what to do? I love my children very much and I wouldn't trade them for anything in the world but if I talked to my parents the way she talks to me I would have got my mouth smacked or soap in my mouth or something of the sort. Well see I can't do any of that because I share custody with her father and he would call children services on me so timeouts and corners and taking things from her doesn't seem to be helping anymore please HELP!!!!!!

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Alisha - posted on 01/28/2011

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Its a hard stage to go through. I would just leave her in her room. . let her say what she wishes but in her room. leave her there too for a while. don't go in when she is freaking out just let her freak out. and once she is done having her fit, go and talk with her how that isn't how you talk. she is doing everythign but listen to you (get her to look in ur eyes the WHOLE time, if she moves her eyes off of yours REPEAT what you were saying when she moved her eyes off of you) if she doesn't want to listen then walk out and give her the 5 mins. Go back in and do it again and again if u have to. once she is listen to you get to rexplain what you just said. then she can come out. Once you get passed this point. so the time will come where once she is done having her fit she will come out and explain why you sent her there. It should work but you need to be consistant. . . thats the key thing is being consist with it or you wont is that it is working. good luck

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Lynsey - posted on 01/31/2011

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I have a boy at 5 jst the same take some off her toys she would play with the most untill she behaves i take my wee boys dsi off him untill he says sori and changes his attidude i need help sumtimes its very hard! cuz thers no father n my sons life as he walked out wen i was 3 mouthts preg xx

Candy - posted on 01/30/2011

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Honey, this is a sad little girl who is angry and confused inside. Instead of getting angry (anger is only ever a cover-up for another feeling), get HONEST with her. When she speaks to you like that, what do YOU feel under the anger? Tell her! You can say really quietly something like 'Darling, when you talk to me that rude way it really hurts my feelings and I get awfully sad and worried about you, because I love you. When I try to tell you what I need you to do, I'm just trying to do my job as a mom, so you'll be a happy girl when you grow up.' And ask her to talk to you about what SHE'S feeling. You need to open the communication channels here.

Have a look at my childcare blog at
http://auntannieschildcare.blogspot.com/
There are some really good tips there for respectful parenting. (I've been teaching and caring for kids for over 25 years so I have a bit of experience to share!) Good luck with her- try to look at it from her point of view, but keep those behaviour boundaries in place too.

Alma - posted on 01/30/2011

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I want to thank you all for the advice over the past 3 days she hasn't been acting out and i have noticed that since they have not been going to their dads house (haven't been there in a month) she has been alot better and to answer the question no she doesn't act like that when she is at his house she doesn't even act like that when i am not home and she is staying with her stepdad its only when i am home but it has gotten alot better and its not as bad now so THANK YOU ALL!!!

Nadia - posted on 01/29/2011

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oh also, i think they are trying to figure out who they are and what is acceptable behavior and throwing hissy fits is just them expressing their frustrations and emotions. but i still wanna smack her half the time too lol!

Nadia - posted on 01/29/2011

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i just want to say to all the moms thanks for the advice! i have the same problem with my almost-5-yr-old. i can't believe how disrespectful she is being!!! we've done it all to deal with it, time-outs, taking away toys/privaledges and even spanked her. finally i've just started trying the ignoring it thing and i think we are getting somewhere... the only problem is my husband gets super frustrated super easily and when she backtalks him it takes A LOT for him to ignore it lol. but i would definatly try ignoring her. my fav thing to say whe she yells atme that she hates me is "well i love you" and just leave it at that. also, i don't know what kind of relationship you have with her daddy, but does she act this way for him an what does he do about it? i think its just a phase, so i'm hoping it ends soon lol.

Sylvia - posted on 01/29/2011

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Honestly? If she wants to stay in her room and pout, let her stay in her room and pout! She's doing it either because there's genuinely something wrong (in which case she'll eventually come out and tell you about it) or because she can see that it's the best way to get a reaction (in other words, some one-on-one attention, even if negative) from you, in which case she'll stay in there until she gets bored and then come out, probably in a less snarky mood. Either way, the more you let her see that it pisses you off, the more she'll be encouraged to do it. (Trust me on this: I was that kid.)

The other half of this is to try to cut her some slack. Shared custody is really, really tough on kids, even if both parents agree on the ground rules and have similar parenting philosophies, which it doesn't sound like you and your ex exactly do. (Again, BTDT: my parents divorced when I was 10 and my little brother was 6, and my father spent an enormous amount of time and money trying to discredit my mom's perfectly normal parenting, for example by accusing her of neglect when she started working full-time.) It's hard dealing with two homes, two sets of stuff, two sets of rules, two different routines ... and she's only five. If she's acting like a little so-and-so to get some one-on-one yelling time with mommy, you can probably drastically reduce the annoying behaviour by making sure she gets one-on-one time with you in some other way -- reading to her, getting her to help in the kitchen, etc.

Katherine - posted on 01/29/2011

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maybe I should of read the other replies befor responding. I agree with you. that is what I did with my step son when he was acting out. and it works.

Katherine - posted on 01/29/2011

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She is doing it for attention.LOL. My stepson did it my daughters will do it every so often. dont get mad or frustrated. Ignore her and she will stop. DO NOT go after her. it is a game and she will win. Considering you con not put soap in her mouth I would let her have her fit in her room and she will learn her game does not work. And knowing she is not in a homewith both parents she is wanting attention in the worng way. That is why my step son did it and of course my 2 girls learned it. Spend more quality time with her when she is not acting out. and ignore the bad behavior. that worked with me and my stepson. Good luck.

Hayley - posted on 01/29/2011

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Thats pretty much what I do with my daughter except I sit her on a step instead of put her in her room. Really good advice there from Alisha.....and it will definitely work provided you keep your cool and stick at it. If she sees you give in at any point then come next time she will know that she can push it again and again because you will give in eventually.

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