my 4 year old has an attitude out of this world.

Michelle - posted on 01/11/2010 ( 15 moms have responded )

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she doesnt listen and want do whats shes told, and today she decided to give her sister a hair cut. what can i do to get her in control? ive taken all her toys, put her in time out nothin seems to work. help!!!!!!!!!!

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Jennifer - posted on 01/22/2010

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Thanks so much for all the great advice. I do beleive that consistancy is the key and I will be the first to admit I ahve been bad about that over the years but am geting better. we do a chart also and at the end of the week she get s to pick something from her treasure box. we have slacked off on this a little bit. I think that I will move it to her bedroom door and try to be more consitant with as a daily routine nd see if that helps again. thanks .

Jenny - posted on 01/20/2010

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Thats an awesome idea!! I do at times have a problem with her to get chores done, and Im going to give that a try. Thx! But consistency is truly the best medicine, even when we see them being good, you still cant slack off. Its hard but it can be done.

Brittany - posted on 01/19/2010

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my 5 and 1/2 year old is the same way!! it started 3 weeks ago and is getting worse each day!! just when i get a glimpse of my little girl being sweet again, the devil comes back out in her.. it's AWFUL!!!

Victoria - posted on 01/18/2010

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Jenny Hernandez You are right, i have had the same issues with my daughter who will be 7 next month. she is never like this for daycare or grandparents, or anyone else who might watch her, only for us. consistency is the key to everything. i have never been very consistent with her until here recently, when i started to have marriage problems because of the way me and my husband differ on raising out kids. we have tried every thing in the past, from rewards and taking away things to spanking and time out even getting tested for adhd. all of those things only work for a little while. When we are consistent about what we expect from her and what behaviors are allowed and not allowed, she is much better, she uses her manors, she don't throw fits and we don't have to get on to her more than once,. we use a chart system, so that we can all be on the same page. her chart hangs on the outside of he bedroom door and she gets a star in each spot that she does for the day. and when she gets so many she get a reward that we have talked about. something that she wants.This chart includes things for her behavior and chores. and every so often the chart might change because we decide that she needs to work on something else. (she has been having problems lately with her not bringing me the papers from her school bag, so when the school sends home a note saying she is low on lunch money i don't know then she gets mad because she has to eat a peanut butter sandwich, so we took something off the chart that she has been mastering and we put up a new problem. and we always do it at the begging of the week.) but she still has to work on what we took off, just because we took it off doesn't mean that she can go back to her old ways. basically after she has done it for a month straight and didn't forget or fall back one day we can take it off because it has became a habit. So with her having a chart and it is something that we both have to do every night before bed, it has created Consistency. for all of us. i hope this helps you

Lianne - posted on 01/18/2010

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I know alot of parents are against this but have you tried spanking her? I have always been told if you do it right the first time you will never have to do it again. Little girls are more tender hearted than boys so it really shouldn't take much. I always used a harsh tone with my daughter at that age and it alone worked but for some children it takes a little more. Hope this helps.

Jenny - posted on 01/18/2010

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Shes probably not going to grow out of it untill you crack down on her behavior and be consistent. Believe me it will get worse and she will start to act out that way in public. When you say no, mean no and walk away, reward her good behavior with praise and not toys or candy. If she dosent listen, ignore her, if she than continues to scream or hit you, pick her up, put her in her room and close the door, walk away. Keep that up untill she either stops crying or does as shes asked. I understand how stressfull that can be, I still go through it at times and my daughter is 7 and I only started to crack down on her a year ago when she threw her tantrums in public. We couldnt even go to Walmart. But you have to be consistent, and your husband really needs to back you up or shes going to play the two of you against each other and become a teenager from hell. But BE CONSISTENT. Make a promise to yourself that come hell or high water your going to break her from this behavior.

Jennifer - posted on 01/17/2010

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I also have a daughter who is turning 4 on the 30th. she is very head strong and independent. she wants what she wants when she wantsd it. if she don't getit watch out. I also don't know what to do. i have tried time outs, taking her toys away, sitting her down and trying to explain to her the consequenses of her actions. we have tried the sticker charts and prize box to reward good behavior. The only thing is that I wasn't consistant since the very beginning at age 1 and 2 I guess. I have always been told to be consistant. If anyone has any ideas I would be ever so greatful. these long stressful nights are hurting me. it also results to me and my husband fighting to because we don't always see eye to eye in parenting. I'm so stressed and tired and just want to know what I can say to her to get her to understand without hurting her feelings. I feel like such a bad mom at times. It helps to know that she is not the only 4 yr old doing this. maybe it is just a stage and she will out grow it because I can't imagine this out of controlness in teenage years. thanks to all of you that are reading this and listening and I hope we all get an answer soon. May God give us the guidance and wisdom to a solution in this area.

Jenny - posted on 01/15/2010

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You have to explain, in detail sometimes, the consequenses of her actions that are not acceptable to you. Now heres the hard part, you have to follow through and ALWAYS BE CONSISTENT.

Christine - posted on 01/14/2010

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4 yr olds are a little young to reason with. It takes clear cut boundaries. You can't give in one day and not the next, and no "sometimes it's cute" or "I'll let it slide for now" either. It sends mixed signals. They have found the best communication tool ever. WORDS. And having mastered their use, have not fully understood the etiquet that goes with it. You don't have to always be mean. As soon as they realize where the lines are, they will generally stay within them (at least while you're looking). They are coming into some strong sense of self and independence... just in time for school no less. Let them express themselves, with easy to understand, clear rules about how and when. Simple and short.... Consistantly, consistantly, consistantly.
Easier said than done, and some rules are easier to get than others. Start now, that kind of attitude isn't so cute when they are teens....

Heather - posted on 01/14/2010

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My daughter is 4 and you would think that she is 14 by her attitude!! She is very determined and you cant tell her anything!! she is way beyond her 4 little years, I am not sure what to do with her either if anybody comes up with any Ideas I would love to hear them as well!! Time out and reasoning just doesnt get it with this girl!!

Joyce - posted on 01/14/2010

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HI THERE I HAVE A 5 YEAR OLD IT SEEMS LIKE THERE IS ALOT OF ISSUES WITH BEHAVIOR MY SON IS THE SAME WAY HE IS VERY VERY HEADSTRONG. THE BEST HELP I EVER GOT WAS THIS BOOK ITS CALLED RAISING A SPIRITED CHILD ITS LIKE 5 BUCKS ON THE CLEARANCE RACK AT BARNES AND NOBLE. I USE IT AS MY BIBLE :o) BASICALLY SOME KIDS ARE MORE SENSITVE AND PERCIEVE THINGS MORE DIFFERENT THAN OTHER CHILDREN THIER AGE AND IT TEACHES YOU TO IDENTIFY IF YOUR CHILD IS SPIRITED AND THEN HOW TO DEAL WITH IT . WHAT IT ALL BOILS DOWN TO ITS EXPLAINING THINGS IN DETIAL GIVING CHILDREN ENOUGH TRANSITION TIME FROM ONE ACTIVITY TO ANOTHER AND KEEP REINFORCING POSITIVE BEHAVIORS AND REWARDS LIKE STICKERS ETC. ITS WORTH THE 5 BUCKS IT TOOK ME 6 MTHS TO TURN MY SON AROUND BUT IT WORKED ! I FOUND THIS OUT FROM A MOM ON HERE !

Jenny - posted on 01/14/2010

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I don't know what to do. If this is how they are at 4 i cant imagine teenage years!!!! i am VERY afraid. Everyone keeps telling me i better get a hold on her before it is to late. BUT WHERE AND HOW DO I START??????

Mandy - posted on 01/14/2010

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Wouldn't it be great if babies came out with a manual? Unfortunately, I'm having the same problem with my 4 year old. His daycare teachers all say how polite he is and how sweet he is, and i know he can be, but he just mouths off to me.

Liorah - posted on 01/12/2010

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Help too!!! I'm in exactly the same boat! Please let me know what can be done with a headstrong 4yr old girl who has no fear of consequences. I don't want to be mean to her, but she doesn't listen to reason.

Jenny - posted on 01/11/2010

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I don't know what to do either I am having the same problem with my four year old

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