My 7.5 yr son is very agressive and violent

Renee - posted on 11/26/2009 ( 18 moms have responded )

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He gets so angry really quickly and the mean hurtful words he says really hurt me. He can also be the nicest, kindest, most thoughtful, beautiful mannared sweet little boy on the same day. Please help with discipline thoughts, we dont believe in getting him drugs from doctors.

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Erin - posted on 11/28/2009

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I recommend looking into a child therapist. . . . I'm an LCSW and have experience with working with children and families - there are many reasons for aggressive outbursts and once there's some understanding of those reasons, the situation can become so much more managable - both from the perspective of how you interact with him as well as the knowledge you have gained from understanding those systemic reasons (whether it's psychological, emotional or neurological).

Jacey - posted on 11/27/2009

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I think your little boy sounds like any other 7 1/2 yr old boy, my son is also the same age and sounds very similar, School have said he is an angel and very quiet and well mannered he seems to save his bad behavior for home, we call it little man syndrome. We have never allowed toy guns or violent games and yet he is obsessed with shooting and killing its a boy thing!! My son is better behaved outside when he can run and climb he seems to get frustrated in the house where there are more rules.

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Denise - posted on 11/30/2009

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You do not need med's for a child who says mean and hurtful things. I think you should talk to a doctor about what he says and go from there. Some of these children acting out like that mostly wants attention or does have something what should be fixed. Like my daugther. She started saying mean bad things, not paying attention in school and we found out she has ADHD. Im not saying your child has this but I would speak with a doctor. I

Teresa - posted on 11/30/2009

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hi, my 9 year old son is the same way, only he throws things n likes to tear things up. hi is a middle child, could this be part of the problem????

Misti - posted on 11/30/2009

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My son also is a very kind,loving boy with a heart for others....however, he would have a change in personality like that....angry and verbal hurtful words. I started with his diet & found that all foods with Red 40 made him change in personality along with fast sug. such as maple syrup. I am not one who goes for the medication solves all...Its just about learning your childs habits & research. You are taking a step in the right direction by asking & researching the problem. I also found that preventing him from being bored also helped. Some children seek attention in a negative way....Its better than none to them. My son is now 10 & shows very little problems now unlike his 5-8 yrs.... Wish you the best.

Stacy - posted on 11/29/2009

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Have you tried the naughty spot? If you have, have you been consistant? Put him there the first time and tell him why, he gets up, put him back with out saying anything, as many times as it takes to get him to stay. When he stays for about 7 minutes, ask him if he knows why he was put there. Try that, and rewards for good behavior. Either daily or weekly rewards, witch ever you can aford, or witch ever works him. Give him a goal to reach for points to get to his reward. My kids never wanted to listen, or help me with things. Then I discovered Suppernanny on t.v, I love her. I use a point system at home, with stars. they have to get ex amount of stars to get a reward. When they misbehave, I remind them of their stars, and that I can take them away to, and it works.

Manya - posted on 11/29/2009

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hi hunni i totally understand what you are going thru i have a 213yr oild boy macaulay who at the age of 3 turned overnight 1 minute he could be the sweetest most loving boy then like a switch of a light he wud change into the most nastiest violent angry boy there was.at school they had to exclude him permanantly due to his behavior and jumping out of a 3 storey block luckly the teacher caught his legs as he jumped out the window and all he did was laugh when they got him bk in and told him how dangerous it was so he ended up having to go i got him in2 doctors and there solution was tablets which i didnt agree with too and too this day he still hasnt had. alll i can say to you is it will be hard they will be alot of ups and downs along the way to this day we still havnt a name for whats wrong with him its put down to severe learning and behavioral difficulties the thing that turned our life around was getting him in2 a private special needs boarding school the routine and daily structure and councelling he recieves has helped him greatly...he has had numerous assessments and at the minute hes 13 with a age of 7 years old but that has also greatly improved ..how is he at school? and what help did they say they wud give you so far? also persivere with what you believe in dont get presurred to give him tablets i still havnt to this day and i was a single mum at the time....i personally think that when he was born as he was born very quickly and the pethedine they gave me 15 mins b4 he was born i think that has alot to do with his problems today also at 10 weeks old he was took to hostpital as he kept on stopping breathing in his sleep so i think that also has done some damage to him.....try and think about what his birth was like,,was it ok,,also when did you notice his behaviour changing ect...anything you think that might have contributed to his behaviour now no matter how small or silly you think it might be could play a part in why he is the way he is today...hunni u will get there takeone day at a time and if you need to talk anytime im there for you feel free to add me to your circle im new to this this is my 1st time on here so hope to hear frm you soon xxmanyaxx

Valerie - posted on 11/28/2009

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one other thought...if possible offer him a hug...a mother's hug can help diffuse...and is there anyone in your house modeling mean hurtful words?

Valerie - posted on 11/28/2009

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Focus on what you do want as much as possible, so if he is being kind, helpful, gentle...let him know that you see that specific virtue and tell him how you see it. When he gets angry get curious not furious...Ask WHAT questions NEVER WHY...to understand where the anger is coming from...set a clear boundary and consequence for the words he uses..."In this house we only use words that are kind, helpful, considerate...even when we are mad." It is ok to be angry and to let others know that you are angry...you need to do it in a way that is kind or helpful ....There needs to be a specific, logical consequence when he uses the bad words if you remind him of the rule and he doesn't switch his words...is he getting enough sleep? not eating too much sugar? sleep deprived children tend to have outbursts

[deleted account]

You cannot allow your children to disrespect you. You have to remember if they are disrespectful to you, and are never corrected for this behavior, they will grow to become adults with no respect for others. I would suggest taking special toys or play time away as consequences to his or her words/actions. I have three children and I have learned that screaming and yelling back does not work. You definitely have to talk to them. I try to encourage my children and give them different examples of right and wrong.

AMBER - posted on 11/28/2009

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WE NO WHEN ITS TOO THE EXTREME.. WHEN WE R ASKING 4 HELP. MAYBE IT IS SOMETHING 2 DO W/ HIS HEALTH! A FORM OF AUTISM??? EVEN SEIZURES CAN CAUSE THIS BEHAVIOR CAN CAUSE THIS-I KNEW THIS CHILD WHO WOULD ACTUALLY SCREAM & SAY HE WAS THE DEVIL, SPIT, HIT, THREAT. NOT SAYING YOUR SON IS @ THIS EXTREME BUT COME 2 FIND OUT HE WAS HAVING SEIZERS AND HE COULDNT REMEMBER WHAT HE SAID OR WHY HE WAS DESCIPLINED AFTERWARD EXTREME BUT......

Donna - posted on 11/26/2009

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I would have him checked by a child psychologist. He may have a form of autism (my daughter does as well) and they can go from one extreme to the next in their behavior and say and do things that they don't mean.

Rhonda - posted on 11/26/2009

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I respect that you want to keep your son off medication, but if you can find a reputable Pyschologist and it is reccomended there are meds that have very minimal or no side effects at all. My son is on Vyvanse and we've had great success with it! But the first step is the doctor. God bless you and your son!

April - posted on 11/26/2009

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i thinnk it is time to bring him to a petting zoo...they help in agression with kids...if you can get them to show love and kindness to animals he will relay this to people and change the way he acts...tell him that when animal gets hurt like a sheep they wont come over to get petted anymore and the same thing happens to people when they get hurt they wont want to be around you or do anything for you anymore, goodluck

Rene - posted on 11/26/2009

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i dont belive in drugs either my oldest was very angry when he was little too he has grown in to a fine young man hes 15 gets good grades and has 2 jobs helping older people with yard work and such what i would suggest is pick a punishment the same every time children like this thrive on consitisey make sure to enforce the punishment every time the corner one minute for every yearold they are is one of the ones we used then discusse the behavior what should happen different other ways to express dissapointment or saddness or just plain mad

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i dont think discipline is the right answer for you, and i respect that you dont want to get him on medication, however, a child psychologist may be able to help him by talking with him, and help figure out what the source of the aggression and anger is...

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