My fiance (my children's Step-Dad-to-be) always checks out other women...

Lubi - posted on 01/25/2011 ( 4 moms have responded )

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Ive been going through some ugly times with custody battles and what not, when all of a sudden my guy comes and sweeps me off my feet- about a year and a half ago. My kids' dad's aren't involved so he's straight up their step-dad even though we won't be official till this summer (paper wise) So over the last while, I've noticed he's been becoming more of a starer- to put it bluntly. He checks out girls constantly. I have security issues, yes, but it's just getting bad! We went out for a romantic date the other night and he up and downed every pretty girl that walked by- in front of me. I know it's normal to look- I do too! But it's getting bad. I've been upset with him over it and mentioned other examples of it. He feels bad and says he'll change his staring ways, but he seems to be getting bored, is my feeling. What do I do? Oh and to boot- he's talking to his mom about it and I feel like he's making me look controling. Trust me, I'm not- if I could just show someone how bad it was... Anyway- advice anyone? Thanks you guys :)

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Angie - posted on 01/25/2011

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Since he will be your children's stepfather he will be and influence on their lives. Is it okay with you that your children are taught that ogling a woman is acceptable? Honestly, I don't even really notice how attractive a man is - especially when I'm with my husband on a date because I'm too busy looking with him.

D'Etta - posted on 01/25/2011

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It is normal to look, but it's not normal to do it so bluntly in front of the person you love, especially that often. It's just down right disrespectful. I'd suggest pre-marital counseling. I know no one likes shrinks and they just skip over the entire idea of counseling.... but it really is good for relationships. There might be a reason for it that he's not willing to address with you, and it needs to be brought to light. He sounds like he's good with your children, and his a good guy despite this, but this behavior can't continue. Your children may be young now, but they'll pick up on eventually. You don't want them seeing that, or thinking that's how relationships are supposed to be. And it will get to you, even though it seems like a small issue now... it will eat at your confidence. Good luck to you.

[deleted account]

The only advice I have is to ditch him now before anything becomes official. I'm sure that's not very HELPFUL advice, but I tolerated (and would've stayed forever w/) a man that would not only check out other women, but also make frequent comments about them. He had NO respect for me and my feelings and it was a horrible way to live. Sorry.

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