my four year old has really bad temper tantrams

Claire - posted on 12/17/2008 ( 7 moms have responded )

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Has anybody got any ideas we have tried removing his favirote toys also sitting on the stairs for 2 min i just dont know what else to do and i dont want to smack him his teachers say he is a very good boy at school. When we are out he will throw himself on the floor or scream if he can not have something. At home he will have a tantram over the most stupid thing i.e if his favorte programme is not on he will chuck the remote control or kick something i dont know what else to do please help .

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Geneviève - posted on 01/11/2009

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This sounds cruel but he does it with you ... because he can. Spend a whole week just remooving him from the situation without a word and he will get bored of it. If you show emotions he knows he can use them against you. (He has already experianced it) If you ALWAYS have the same calm reaction to EVERY time he does the "unwanted" action he wil eventualy comprehend. Later when you are not in this situation and at the right time (not before bed when he is tired) explain is actions the reasons why this action is not tolerated and the repercutions of his actions. For exemple with my 10 year old daughter: If you want to go to bed later than what should be the right time for you, you will be tired tomorow. Also your body needs sleep to repair itself and to grow. I love you and my job as your mom Is to make sure you have every thing you need to grow into the best person you can be, therefore I cannot let you sleep later thand what your body needs. She still yells and argues but I dont yell I just take her to her bed kiss her and say good nite. She gets up again. I bring her back to her bed and kiss her and say good nite. I do not argue the point with her at that time because she is emotional and is less likely to understand. I talk about it with her in the day. I have been at it for a week now and she does not argue and yell anymore. She tries to make me change my mind by talking to me about it but she has lurned that nothin will change at bedtime. Taking away toys and things does not realy fonction with my daughter because she does not want to show me it could work so she just stand her ground even more. Consistant behavior is the only thing that i found.



Also you have to see what you could change in the daily routine. If he never askes permission before taking a candy... do not have candy in the house. For my daughter, she had a tv in her room and she never did her homework or shores. I put the tv in my room. Now if she wants to listen to it she has to ask me permission to go into my room. (We always have to ask permission to enter each others rooms, she is getting older and whants her privacy so she has to respect mine)



So that is it. you have to stick to it. Even wen they are 10 years old!



Good luck

Gen

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User - posted on 08/03/2012

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I am having same issue. Donating his toys is a great idea. Taking them away doesn't work because he munipulates and acts nice knowing he will get them back. Thank you. I will try it.

Tina - posted on 01/03/2009

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I am a mother of 5 wonderful children and I get compliments everywhere we go on how well behaved my children are. One of the most important things a parent can do is be consistent. If a child learns that throwing themselves on the floor or causing a fuss in public will make you give in then that is what they will do. Children are sometimes more consistent then their parents, they know it works. LOL!! Ignoring is not always the best answer because kids learn from us and you dont want them to ignore you when you speak to them. It depends on what the tantrum is being thrown for. If he is mad his favorite program isnt on then make it a point to ban him from that luxury til he learns that throwing a fit does not make it optional to him.

Jaimie - posted on 12/19/2008

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You will also want to remain consistent. If you give into him at all, he will see it and use it to his advantage. My son has had horrible tantrums when he was younger also. He's become a lot better since then, his tantrums are few and far between. As long as you remain consistent. We have also tried taking away his toys, and allowing him to earn them back through good behavior. When it seemed to not faze him any longer we made him give his toys away for donation, at the local thrift shop. This helped him realized that he cannot earn those back at all, or replace them Those are just a few of the things we did to try to rectify his tantrums. Needless to say we haven't had to go to the thrift shop for a donation of his for quite some time.

Vickie - posted on 12/17/2008

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I have a six year old boy and a four year old boy. Ignore him when he's throwing a fit, DO NOT give him anything he wants while he's having a tantrum, take away his favorite toys/shows/desserts, whatever he can't live without, and take it away for days if you have to, until his behavior improves. Firmly tell him his behavior is unacceptable and it will get him NOTHING. Stop putting up with his crap, his teachers aren't.

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