my son has inapropriate behavior in school, is it ok if i'll transfer him to other school?

Felany - posted on 03/27/2010 ( 5 moms have responded )

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he keeps bullying his classmates that will provoke them..the teacher said that he's good in class but he always wanted to play inside the class..

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As a former therapist who primarily worked with school age children, I would not recommend transferring him unless you feel the school administration, guidance counselor and teacher are NOT working with you to create a better environment or outcome. You need to befriend the teacher, principal and guidance counselor and let them know you are willing to take whatever steps necessary to work with your son to make the school environment better for him and the kids he is bullying. Trust me, transferring schools does nothing. All of his school records will transfer with him as will his behavior reports. The new school will immediately assume you are transferring because of behavior issues and will flag your son as a potential troublemaker. And they will view you as someone who would rather avoid a situation instead of dealing with it and they will be less likely to work with you. I would also recommend that you contact the school guidance counselor about a recommendation for a therapist to see outside of school. Preferably a family therapist that will work with you and your son on identifying the triggers that cause the inappropriate behavior and working on alternative behaviors he can use in school. I would also request a comprehensive evaluation through the school psychologist. Depending on the laws of your state, most schools are required to do a combination of psychological and educational testing on your child to determine if there could be a cause for your child's inappropriate behavior - is he frustrated over his academic course work, does he feel ill-equipped to handle the social situations he's in with his classmates, etc. You also need to reinforce NO BULLYING at home. Praise him when he has had a great day at school, and explain to him how disappointed you are when he has bad behavior and if necessary, take away privileges when he has had a bad day at school (tv, video games, etc.). Finally - look at the relationships he observes. Does he have older siblings that "fight" or bully each other? How about older male role models? Do the men in his life boss him around? Kids are unable to process certain behaviors in adults and often misinterpret what adults are doing. He is feeling powerless about something and has identified bullying classmates as a way to get that power back. You really want to get this worked through before he is on his way to junior high - once a pattern of behavior such as this has been established, it will be very hard for him to break, and as he gets older, the consequences of his behavior will have dire circumstances. Best wishes!

Gabriela - posted on 03/28/2010

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would the move benefit you or him? in my opinion, if he is doing fine in school then he should stay. now if the fights are getting out of control and you fear retaliation from the other kids, then move..now, how old is your son?? with boys its mainly about status. if he's a bully at this school then he may or may not stop..

like i said, with boys is about status and about proving that they are strong. believe it or not it starts as young as preschool maybe younger....its all about status. he may be trying to prove that he's no punk.

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Jane - posted on 03/30/2010

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I don't think changing school will change anything go to school and find out if there is anything further going on

Felany - posted on 03/29/2010

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..so true..mainly about status. i think his being young among his neighbor friends makes him consider himself as big boy in school..and it will not benefit me either transferring another school..thanks for the help..

Felany - posted on 03/29/2010

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thanks for your help..i think i better be loyal to the school..anyway, the teachers are doing their job very well..maybe, i'll take away privileges esp. video games if he still having inappropriate behavior in school..

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