My son is afraid that im not gonna pick him up at school. Or that I will leave him.... Any help

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Janine - posted on 09/06/2012

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I have the same problem with my 7 year old boy, he has a fear that we will not fetch him or we will leave him somewhere. He has always been very close to me and his dad, but for some reason with him starting "BIG School" grade 1 he is terrified. He loves going to school but as soon as it gets close to hometime then he starts to cry: saying I'm scared my mommy forgets me. I dont know what to do because, my heart is really breaking for him and I can see it is interferring with his schoolwork. Any advice out there. PLEASE!

Genevieve - posted on 07/14/2009

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Quoting Jennifer:

Perfect! That's another helpful thing. Play-acting. Maybe sometime you should arrange to 'wait' for someone and act out what you can do while you wait. I love the 'throw your worries out the window' thing. I've heard of Moms drawing a heart on kids' palms and kissing it before leaving them. That way when they're lonely for Mom, they can touch their face and get a kiss from Mom.


 

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Sarah - posted on 07/17/2009

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My middle child was like that. I started doing Tuesday Taco Day at Taco Bell after school. It helped to get him through the week and it was a lot of fun for him.

Lisa - posted on 07/15/2009

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I also went through this with my now 5 year old son when he started headstart. Eventually, he will get used to you leaving him. For the first few weeks or so try picking him up at the same time everyday. He will get into the routine and before you know it wont even notice when you leave and more than likely wont be looking for you when you get there.. Good luck! I hope this helps!

Kammi - posted on 07/15/2009

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I might recomend that you give him something important that you can not go home without.

[deleted account]

Sorry if i am repeating advice already given.. but here goes: My son had some of the same worries..What worked with him.. i basically reassured him that i wouldn't not pick him up.. but IF i was late.. this is what would happen .. the teacher would stay with him.. let him play while they waited on him and probably call me up on the phone and see whats taking silly mommy so long.. Him realizing that he wasn't just gonna stand there all alone really helped him.. then it was sorta like no big deal... i also drove home the point of how important he is to the family and how much we like having him around and we'd never give him up.. or just leave him somewhere.. and that helped.. recently, we went on a second honeymoon and he was alittle annoyed for us not taking him but he wasn't scared.. he had some questions like "who will feed me food?" "who will give me a bath" i just assured him all his needs would be taken care of like normal.. and he was happy as caN be... (side note.. i really think its the wiser kids that actually think up these sorta things to worry about!) well..maybe this helped..

Kristina - posted on 07/14/2009

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I had this problem with my youngest son, Jackson... Find out from the teacher what the very last activity is for the coming day and tell him "When you finish with the coloring center, I will be here to get you." It worked great for Jackson because he looked forward to that activity each day and knew I would be waiting when the teacher said they were done. Good Luck!

Jessica - posted on 07/14/2009

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A lot of kids go through this! I just had to constantly reassure my daughter that I could never forget her because she was the most important thing to me. Then every time she got upset, I would just say, "Have I EVER forgotten you before? Have I EVER not shown up?" She started to realize that she had nothing to be afraid of...

Genevieve - posted on 07/14/2009

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That's the sweetest thing i've ver heard!! I'm going to try that with my 5 yr old whenever she gets anxious..thanks!

[deleted account]

My son was 5 in march and hes only just got used to sleeping in his own bed. Something will click in him one day. My son recently came home crying from school. When i asked him what was wrong he said that he thought i was leaving him at school over night. Ive never been late picking him up apart from this one time when they opened the gates early and i wasnt the first one in. Since then i always maake sure im the first one in and so far hes been happy. I find boys more clingy then girls. Just perservere and im sure things will get better x

Faith - posted on 07/13/2009

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i found that with my child if i gave hem something of mine to put in his or her backpack on the first day of school and told them i wanted i back when i came and got them has worked tremendously. I did this about a week and soon my children realize i was not going to leave them, try it let me know how it works

Allison - posted on 07/13/2009

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That is perfect. This is a nice group here. Ive always wanted to ask other things. Thank you so much I think I may try the heart thing that sounds so cool..

Jennifer - posted on 07/13/2009

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Perfect! That's another helpful thing. Play-acting. Maybe sometime you should arrange to 'wait' for someone and act out what you can do while you wait. I love the 'throw your worries out the window' thing. I've heard of Moms drawing a heart on kids' palms and kissing it before leaving them. That way when they're lonely for Mom, they can touch their face and get a kiss from Mom.

Allison - posted on 07/13/2009

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Thank you so much Jennifer, I will try that. I did this tonight, When I put him to bed I told him that he needed to give me his worrys and so he thought that was kinda funny and then we threw some out the window!!!! It seemed to work he is in his bed tonight....

Jennifer - posted on 07/13/2009

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My son used to wig out if I was a minute late to pick him up. He was sure that I wasn't coming back. I never figured out why this was and neither of my girls had his level of fear. I used to make sure I talked through the 'plan' very thoroughly with him. What was I going to be doing during the day, what would he be doing during the day, when could he start looking for me (after nap, after snack), what he could do if he got nervous (talk to his teacher, read a special book). You might find some books on this topic that you could read to him (seems like the Berenstien Bears might have one) to give him some ideas about how to deal. Maybe put this book in his backpack to look at while he waits. He has to understand that you're going to do everything you can to make it on time, but he's in a safe place to wait if you get stuck in traffic or something.



Eventually, he'll figure out your routine and will be so absorbed in what hes doing, he won't be so nervous.



Good luck!!

Allison - posted on 07/13/2009

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No one has EVER left him any where... He is six and my only one. I thought that they went through seperation anxiety when they are babies. He wont even sleep in his bed..... Thank you for the answer.

KIM - posted on 07/13/2009

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Has someone very important to him left him before?....he just have a little seperation anxiety, he'll get over it!...it's hard!, but, he'll learn when you come back that you are not going to leave him.

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