My son is being bullied at school, what can I do?

Kelly - posted on 02/11/2010 ( 15 moms have responded )

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My 5 year old son is being bullied at school. He's told his teacher and his principal many times but they're not doing anything about it. I'm thinking of taking it to the school board. This has been happening for over a month.

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Eugenie - posted on 02/11/2010

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Kelly, you need to address this yourself on behalf of your son. The principal will know it's serious when you pay her a visit.

I have a seven year old son who was bullied at school. After the third complaint from him, describing what happened to him which seemed like a movie, I went to the principal. I put what he told me in writing and hand it to her. She had all the kids involved, including my son, write down on paper what happened. Kids usually don't lie, and they wrote what really happened. She reprimanded the kids involved - and summoned the parents to a meeting. Fortunately, all the parents could make it and the principal showed them what the children had written and told them they should address their actions at home with them, as their behavior is unacceptable. That happened like a month ago, and everything has been okay since. Please address it promptly, Kelly, as I cannot imagine what your son is feeling each time he has to go to school. Bullying is a serious issue - both physical as well as emotional.

Shelly - posted on 09/22/2010

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hello,

i hope you dont mind me posting on here. i just was searching on bullies and found this and wanted to ask advice. I have been picked on alot for a long time. i have not told my mom...shes has multiple sclerosis and she freaks out about everything. I just get so...idk I wish people liked me. I know that proly will never happen, but maybe they can quit hurting me? I read about talking to a teacher or whatever but that would only make things get worse. its not like they are scared of teachers or anything. Its not like i was ever popular but ever since what happened with the coach in the locker room like my life has been over. Im sry for bothering yall....i just dont have anyone to talk to.

Ashley - posted on 09/21/2011

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I know I might get flamed for this but please hear me out.



I was very popular in middle school and I used to bully other girls. I bullied because I was neglected at home and was trying to somehow feel important at school. After getting stalked and sexually harassed by a popular 8th grade history teacher, he got fired. I went into high school being blamed for it. I was joked on and ridiculed my whole 9th grade year. The other students called me a whore and a slut, even though I had never even kissed a boy in my life. They all assumed I had had sex with that teacher so all the boys were jeering at me in a sexual way. It was awful. Eventually in the 10th grade I got to know one of the popular senior girls in an elective class who believed me, and with her influence silenced everybody from joking on me. My husband doesn’t even know about that story and he thinks my humble nature is all from being perfectly raised and having a naturally good heart. HA!



Bullies aren't actually tough or cool. They are troubled kids who are neglected, lonely, or mistreated at home. They have a lot less going for them than your good-hearted, bullied child probably does.



However, bullied kids usually just sit there and take the abuse. That is the absolute worst thing your child can do. I know it’s against school rules to fight, but if you want it to stop, you need to encourage your child to stand up to the bullying by dishing it right back out. The only thing that made me stop messing with a person when I was a bully, was if someone stood up and made me feel equally as dumb as I was trying to make them feel. Meaning, they got me back. If I was joking on someone’s shirt, if they started joking on my shoes too I would feel embarrassed and stop joking completely.



I know that’s not ideal, because you don’t want your nice kid to act nasty. But sometimes you have to combat nastiness with nastiness. Standing up for his or herself is the only way to stop it.



I was an elementary school teacher before becoming a stay-at-home-mom. I could enforce respect of others in my classroom, but I had limited access to their socialization in the lunchroom, at recess, in the computer lab, and NO influence over what happens on the bus. A bus driver needs to concentrate on driving, so don’t expect much unless you want him/her to stop watching the road and get into an accident. Bullying is so common, and there is no way for school officials to verify he-said-she-said. So pretty much, your child’s on his/her own, unless one of the adults heard it. Bullies are usually smart enough to stay out of authority’s earshot.



I tell my children not to let anybody mess with them. I can tell by how they stick up for themselves with each other at home that they won't let anybody mess with them at school. I told my children that no matter what happens at school, I will support them 100% for sticking up for themselves if someone hurts or jokes on them.

15 Comments

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Arlene - posted on 11/07/2013

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yesterday my son made some comments that were very alarming. He finally told the school, police, and myself the reasons for his comments. for the last year and a half he has been harassed racially. He was admitted into the hospital. I totally agree that the bullies should be held accountable. they need to realize that every action causes a reaction. I don't condone violence but I do believe in a child protecting themselves. I will keep your family in our prayers. and please post if you have any legal standing because I'm searching for answers.

Megan - posted on 09/19/2013

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im going through the same thing, although it was pre-school ive had to put my son in a different kindy... the teachers just made up excuses for him... my son was scared to go to school and his behaviour was changing,

John Edward - posted on 09/18/2013

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I am actually a dad, but don't hold that against me.
My son is special needs kid. He is sixteen and was molested when he was 4 by a 12 year old neighbor. There was no legal recourse we could take because in the state of Tennessee one had to 13 to pursue police action. Since that time my son has had issues with trust. He is reclusive and is content with keeping to his self. He had made strides in putting his past behind him. He has done well until this school year. My son is over weight and what one might consider a little on the nerdy side. A couple of weeks ago he started having issues with classmate. The other kid was threatening him and calling him names. Jake did what he was told to do, notify his teacher. Nothing happened. Yesterday,after school, my son had enough of the taunts. As the kid that had given him so much grief passed him, the other kid called him a dick. My son exploded and beat the crap out of the boy. I went to a meeting at school today. My son, who had never been in a fight, was charged with assault by the school. There is a chance he will do 6 months in jail. I know that he should not have done what he did, but at the same time, this could have been easily prevented. Under federal law, my son is supposed to be protect from this since he is a special needs student. He was bullied. The school did nothing, and now he's in trouble. I am speaking to an attorney tomorrow. If my son's right have been violated, which I believe they have, there will be hell to pay. I have zero use for the system. I consider it a slap in the face that when he was 4 there was nothing that could be done, and now he's been bullied and is in deep trouble for being the victim. It looks to me that the school is doing what they can to push this issue out of their hands. He did what he was told to do. Nothing happened. It escalated to this point needlessly. I am furious, and will not let this go quietly. No Child left behind, my ass.

Kerry - posted on 11/11/2012

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my son is 14 and he has been bullied for over a year, he hurts himself and screams he doesnt want to go back, he is really scared, the teachers have assured me it wont happen again, what do i do, do i send him back and trust the teachers just dont know what to do.

Tracie - posted on 09/24/2011

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Demand a meeting with the principal and the bully's parents. This needs to stop now - today. It will only get worse if the child is allowed to continue.

Jennifer - posted on 09/21/2011

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My son is going through the same situation. A boy cold clocked him in gym class, my son was so dazzed he didnt and still doesnt know what happened. Supposedly my son was talking about the boy (which he wasnt) and so the boy confronted my son and just nailed him. The principal walked my son out to the car and told me that he didnt know the whole story,but that my son was hit, and that i should take him to the doctor. he did mention that this was "serious" and that the police might be involed. My son has a mild concussion,and short term memory loss, and not to mention a black eye. The next day i went to the school to talk to the principal and tell him what the doctor said. He told me the story he was told. That my son was yelling with the boy before the boy hit him.....well duh yeah he was yelling cuz he was being accused of talking about him when he wasnt. he didnt really know the boy that well. so the boy only got two days of suspension!!! so basically they blame my son,saying that yelling back at the boy provoked the boy to hit him. also they said my son has anger issues. well yea when you are always made fun of and teased. I dont know what to do. my son wants to go to another school. I just need some advise , should i sue the school or the parents of the boy, or just take my son out and hope for the best at another school? oh yeah my son is 14, and the school didnt call the police i did, so far havent heard anything from them.

Carianne - posted on 02/14/2010

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We had an incident in grade one when my son struck back at a girl who had been bullying him since JK. Unfortunately I had not been aware of the extent of the issue when the incident occurred. My son was suspended (following the rules of our school board) but the little girl was never disciplined for her actions. The day she returned to school (after the incident) she punched another kid. I was basically told that no action would be taken to discipline her because of the trouble it would cause. Since that incident I have drilled it into my son that he NEEDS to let me know what is going on at school. That if an incident does occur he is to tell a teacher and if that teacher doesn't listen to tell another teacher, and another until somebody takes action. And if they have a problem with that then they can call me. He has been told that he is not to allow people to pick on him but he is not allowed to hit back (it's generally the second guy that get's nailed for that, the first punch isn't generally seen). Since the grade one incident I have begun to communicate much more with my son's teachers & principles. Even in JK bullies are smart and hide their techniques from teachers/parents and students are "discouraged" from "tattling".



Opening the lines of communication with my now 8 year old has been the biggest help. When the school called last week because my son lost his temper and yelled some not very nice things at one of my class mates I was aware of the ongoing conflict even though no one else seemed to be. I was able to communicate to the principle on my son's behalf and the incident was viewed as the result of a series of events rather than as a one time event.



My advice, talk to the teacher (if you can't go in person, send a note). If she isn't receptive go to the principle. If there is still no satisfaction, go to the board. Let your son know that you will not let the matter drop, that you will fight for him.

Deanna - posted on 02/13/2010

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You need to stand up for you son. Often talking to the principle and demanding a meeting with the parents, the principle and you stops the bullying. We dealt with this and made sure all the teachers were on line with what was happening as well so they could watch for it on the playground. If you have to be in that office everyday then so be it. But it must stop. If the principal won't do anything then go to the school board. It is the law that no child be bullied at school not just a school rule. Fight for your child so he doesn't have to fight.

Tammy - posted on 02/13/2010

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Hi Kelly. My son was being bullied at school for a couple of years by the same boy. All my efforts of speaking to teachers police and everything fell on deaf ears. This boys parents had him seeing doctors etc and had the school basically protecting him. I asked for a meeting with the parents and principle but the parents refused. I eventually told my son to fight back( not what I necessarily believe in) but was a last resort. He was to retaliate with the same same attitude, you get hit in tummy you hit back in tummy. He did not want to do this incase he got in trouble. I told him if he got in trouble that he suffered the consequence at school but at home we would understand. I told the principle this and he told me he would punish my son if this happened and I told him that that was fine I had spoken to my son. My father also told him what he had done as a kid and my son tried this out. If the bad boy comes at you you put your hands up and and yell at him like a crazy boy and tell him you will get him, make him see you are not afraid of him. He did this and came home proud one day and said 'mummy this big boy tried to fight me and I did what poppy said and he left me alone" so proud he was. To this day I have not heard him tell me about this boy picking on him or any others. Actually this boy became frinds with him instead of hurting him. This may work for your son it may not. But at least you have another thing to try wioth your son even as a last resort. This has in no way made my son a bully as he is a gentle boy basically a lover not a fighter. But gave him the confidence to know he can stand up for himself. These bullies also are fighting at times because they want these boys to be firend them. Your son could also say "if you want to be my friend then be nice I will play with you, but if you are not nice to me then I will not play with you" Out of 6 kids (4 being older girls) he was the only one I have had troubles with with this. Everyone on here will have great ways for you to help your son. One will have the right answer. Remember do not be afraid as a last resort to let your son fight back. After all school yard bullies when our parents and grandparents went to to school were dealt with behind the building. Teachers saw this kid copping it from a bunch of others, and let it happen cause they knew the bully would be put back in his place among his peers by his peers. We have more bullies these days and worse bullies because society and the DO GOODERS won't allow them to be dealt with the good old fashion way!

Jenn - posted on 02/12/2010

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My son (5) is being tormented/bullied on the bus. I have spoke with the driver on many occasions to no avail, today I called the school who directed me to the division and the are looking into it and will get back to me with a solution. I suggest going to the board if the teacher and principle are not taking your grievance seriously. Document all the incidents that you can remember, who was informed and their response. Most schools have a zero tolerance for bullying. Is the child who's the bully in your son's class or is it a playground issue? Best of luck

Tianti - posted on 02/11/2010

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Hi, Kelly. This can be a very scary thing. I have dealt with this myself with my son who is now 7. The first thing I did was go to his classroom to "volunteer". What I was really doing was observing interactions between my son and the bully. I did not intervene!!! After I saw for myself what was happening I went to the principal, because I had already went to the teacher and that didn't help. We arranged a meeting with the students and they problem solved with help from us. Luckily, the bully stopped. Seperating the two helps as well. Hope this helps.

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