My son is discouraged with dad and his lifestyle...any advice?

Mizzmay - posted on 04/06/2012 ( 6 moms have responded )

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My 9 year old son expressed to me his dislike of dad going from girlfriend to girlfriend. My ex and I have been married for 14 years we have 3 awesome kids. It was an abusive marriage the kids saw much of this especially my eldest shes 14. My daughter was afraid for me and her siblings that's what she told the counselor at her school 2 years ago. That's when Office of Child Services got involved... And this was after my ex chased my daughter through the woods and she was running away so fast she ran right out of her shoes and still kept running, when he caught her he told her that she's not his daughter anymore and he divorces her. He went on to tell her 2 more different times to not talk to him he had divorced her. My poor little girl looked so broken. My heart ached for her and throughout the years I lived with the choking, manhandling, locking me out of the house while the kids stood at the window and cried and he made sure none of them unlocked the door for me, but when I saw what he was doing to our daughter it was like I woke up it gave me the kick in the butt to start the severing of our marriage. Anyways our divorce was final on September 20, 2011. Since then my ex has been going from girlfriend to girlfriend moving in with each of them. He's already in a new relationship moved in, within a month of moving out of his last girlfriends house the sad thing is he's dragging my precious children with him and my son was just telling me in a frustrated voice that he hears nasty noises and moans coming out of their room all the time. ( we have joint custody) He said the same thing he did with the last gf. He told me a plugs his ears. I am so sad for my kids it must be hard on them and really seems to make my little boy mad, I mean it was only 2 months after we separated that he was with somebody and it wasn't his mom. He doesn't understand why his dad acts like he's married. His dad also has been putting down our faith, since the split my ex has went from a believer to an unbeliever, at least he said he was a believer. My son says he secretly prays in the bathroom when he's washing before dinner because his dad teases him and tells him that God and Christians are fake. I am trying to not let myself be consumed with worrying about my kids when they are with him but I can't help it, any suggestions?

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Dove - posted on 04/06/2012

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Get into counseling and get a great lawyer. I'm so sorry!! I hope you can get those kids away from him asap. With his history of violence he never should've been granted anything other than supervised visitations. :(

Louise - posted on 04/06/2012

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I suggest you seek legal advice because what your ex is doing is mental cruelty. I would go for sole custody and then supervised visits to protect your kids. See how you can do this legally with the might of the law behind you. Some children thrive better with one loving parent than one parent always putting them down. You are going to be mum and dad to these kids and in the end they will thank you for taking the pain away.

Michelle - posted on 04/06/2012

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First of all get all three of them into counseling and encourage them to talk to the counselor, your children can petition the court to ask not to go to his home anymore they can recount the abuse while you were married as well as site the many g/f he is parading through the lives as well as his constant teasing about their faith a judge will listen to them especially if all of this is being documented in counseling as well I would seriously look into it.

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Mizzmay - posted on 04/06/2012

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I would definitely get a lawyer if I was rich, I'm still trying to pay off the debt for my divorce. My family and I were inexperienced my mom and dad have been married 38 years and my grandparents on both sides are still married. I have two brothers and two sisters all of whose still married as well. We were very inexperienced and if I knew then what I know now I would of tried harder. He came from all kinds of divorce with his mom and dad and stepparents and uncles and aunts he had divorce advice coming out his ears. It just seemed like I was led to believe the deal was ok and I've regretted it ever since. I constantly think about them and worry.

Mizzmay - posted on 04/06/2012

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See that's the funny thing about this...my eldest daughter the one who he divorced? She is now in love with her daddy, he had a "heart to heart" talk with her ( he told me) and they were crying and he said he's sorry. Now he buys her designer clothes, bags, shoes, make-up. I had her full custody in the beginning but on one of his 4 hour visits he did that heart to heart talk and he is smooth with his words, and one day when I was meeting him to pick my kids up, I waited and waited and waited he never showed, I called numerous times he never picked up, I called the police and I find out he slapped a temporary restraining order against me protecting him(pansy) and my 3 kids. I read the accusations all lies, and to my horror my eldest even backed it up saying I tried to smother her! I felt like a firecracker that was stuck. I lost my kids just like that. So needless to say the kids love their dad, but I'm so heavy hearted because I'm seeing such a change in them... I know it's from looking at dad as an example. I have homeschooled them and cooked and cleaned and changed every one of their diapers my ex never changed one in fact he threw his rolled up socks at our premature newborn baby because she started crying to be fed. So when I scooped her up and laid with her in the other room he stormed in there and accused me of loving her more than him. If I try to start with the legal stuff again he will start playing dirty again and he always wins and the winner always takes it all.

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