My son is getting bullied

Kateeya - posted on 12/11/2009 ( 18 moms have responded )

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My son is in the 2nd grade and I'm having problems with him getting picked on in school. I try to reason with him about kids always going to pick on you for the rest of your life but it don't help the fact that he still get picked on. I really do need help on this because I do talk to his teacher. Please, can somebody get me some advice on what to do?

18 Comments

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Erica - posted on 12/16/2011

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My son is dealing with the same issue right now. It hurts to know other kids are begin mean and also that your child is struggling socially.

Andrea - posted on 08/04/2011

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Oh that is so sad, well I would spend more time at the school if possible, get to know the kids in your child class. Then i would talk directly to them. Yes, I realize they are children but sometimes you have to parent other people's children as well. I hope this helps. I have always been very active in my children school so when they have trouble, they usually just say. I'm going to tell my mom( this only works when they are young). Good Luck:)

Melissa - posted on 08/03/2011

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some states are even making it possible for police to get involved in when there is a continous bullying problem too, so if schools ignore it, then maybe suggest that you will get the police involved. However, you want to do it in a way it won't create problems for more teasing too.

Shelly - posted on 04/14/2011

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My son had been teased since 2nd grade also. I took him to taekwondo, the school was a traveling team. I chose to let my kids learn how to protect themselves. They were taught they were to only use this type of fighting in the school. After the first 2 years my son had the confidence in himself to stick up for himself. Plus we have taught both of our kids not to be a bully, but no one is ever allowed to lay a hand on you. I also went to the school about the bulling, and no it doesn't help because they do nothing, but then they were aware incase my son fought back or need to. We told the school that we gave our kids permission to protect themselves if someone layed a hand on them.
I feel if we do not protect our children who the hell will. Good luck.

[deleted account]

All the public schools in my city have recently added a new program - It's called Anti-bullying. It's from pre-k on up through 12th. I would start with a meeting with your son's principle and counselor. If it's an option have your son transfered to another class or even another school if need be. Keep working on your son's self-esteem. The higher his is the less the bullying will get him down and the less kids would do it once they saw it's not so effective any more.

Pamela - posted on 12/16/2009

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My 9 yr. daughter had similar problems last spring. Some of the children that she had been friends with started being mean to her because she wasn't following their every direction at recess. We thought maybe she was just being a little sensitive so we kept trying to boost her confidence and get her to 'let it roll off'. A week later she told me that everyone hated her and she didn't want or deserve to live anymore. After a long talk she finally told me all of what had been happening. These 'friends' had been pinning her on the slides and the 3 girls would scream in her face, telling her to stop saying mean things about them! Another girl in a different class had created a book in which she had drawn pictures of the kids she disliked and wrote nasty comments about each kid and the book was kept in her desk. And when she told her teacher, the teacher told her that she needed to learn to solve her own problems! I was livid to say the least. I had a meeting with her teacher and with got the adults that supervised recess to keep an extra eye out for her and the book was confiscated . Along with that, my daughter went in to talk to the school counselor a couple times and the principal was made aware of the issue.
My daughter was afraid that the bullying would get worse if the kids knew she had 'tattled' to an adult. The teacher and other adults involved all helped discreetly and within a couple weeks the bullying had ended. This year she only has one of those kids in her class and it has been dramatically better.
I feel the more people you make aware of the problem the quicker action will be taken. I think you need to make sure your son knows that you are on his side. If he knows that you are defending him, it will help boost his confidence (I strongly agree with all the points Katherine Valois made).

Tomondra - posted on 12/16/2009

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I recently handled a problem like this with my 4th grade son. I simply sent an email to his teacher and the principal. The 5th graders teacher was contacted, hey brought together to dicuss the situation and it was handled within minutes. No more problems! Just be desceet but still handle the problem.

Javiera - posted on 12/14/2009

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To be able to face bullying you MUST as a parent help out your child. There are several strategies to go about this but the first ones are outlined in the previous commentaries:

1.-help your child build confidence in her own capabilities and self worth

2.-Identify what exactly does the agressive kids do to yours

3.-help her to appear she is indifferent to the attack

4.-Answer with humor and good cheer, without being ironic

5.-Do not enter into the bully´s game

6.-Help your child and yourself develop assertiveness

7.-find other parents, teachers, counselors and child services that can help you locally, as well as playdates with children that DO treat your child right

8.-Give notice to the teacher and counselor of your child´s plight

9.- If there is no other way out, seek legal counsel to put a restraining order on the bully

Bulling is not only a matter of children being cruel, it is a long lasting and devastating self sustaining viciuos circle, that can lead to depression, substance abuse and suicide. Please, look into it with the utmost seriousness as a mother you can make a difference, and if all fails, by the next school term, put your child in another class or even in another school to help her make a fresh start. GOOD LUCK!

Kristi - posted on 12/14/2009

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When you say 'bullied,' do you mean physically or verbally? If it is verbally, I would try to get to the root of the problem and maybe help him through it, talk to the teacher about where he is sitting, who the bullies are, etc. Some teachers are helpful and receptive, but others aren't and make excuses...so I would escalate to the vice principal, counselors, principal, etc. Bullying is not supposed to be tolerated in any school. If it is physical bullying, I would escalate even more quickly. I have a step son who was bullied and said he would get punched in the hall ways....so I told the teacher to have him walk in the front of the line with her...and also had him speak to the school counselor, etc. You have to be heard and make yourself heard before it gets out of hand - it could cause repercussions later - my son had had enough of it and yelled at his PE teacher and tried to run away because he was afraid he would get in trouble for yelling. I found out it was because the kids were mean to him. Kids are ruthless and always will be - I got teased growing up - I think everyone does at times...so you just have to see how severe it is and what he can handle. If it is physical, that is not acceptable at any level. However, on a brighter note - my son just entered 6th grade, so I was afraid it would be worse there because the kids are older, bigger, etc...but actually, he loves it and has no issues so far. If your child cannot get peace and resolution in his current classroom, ask to be changed to a different classroom. Also - if you can pinpoint the specific bully - talk to the bullies' parents....also - volunteer in the classroom if possible - check out for yourself what is going on and who is around your son, etc. That can give a lot of insight!

Toni - posted on 12/13/2009

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I would have a meeting. I am sure the parents aren't aware of it. But if you put it out there and it gets worse then I would seek police charges against the parents.

Amy - posted on 12/13/2009

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Unfortunately I have a child who I was told 2 years ago by her school at the time that she was the biggest bully they had ever seen. I have tried explaining to her that other kids are just like brothers and sisters when you are at school. You treat them with caring and respect and try to look out for each other. I told her this approach is how you make lots of friends. I then explained that what she was doing was making the other kids not like her very much. At that time she was in kindergarten, I found out later that she was being pulled out as the bully even though she was the one gettting bullied. She was being picked on by the other kids and when she retaliated she was caught and they weren't. I also later found out that the teacher did not like my daughter and would punish her in ways that would make even an adult embarrassed. Such as...lying on the floor like a bug stuck on its back with your legs in the air for nearly 10 min. We moved out of that school district. In first grade we had a few problems with her because she thought it was just like the other school when actually it was the opposite. This year she is in 2nd grade and we have had far less bad days, total so far maybe 3 i think. When that kindergarten teacher told me my daughter was the biggest bully she had seen in her history at that school I was completely embarrassed. I did not know how to deal with a bullying kid, she was never like that in her play groups or during her 3years of pre-k. I just didn't understand how this had happened. I am constantly keeping up with my daughters events at school now, showing lots of extra interest in how her day was, the happenings of her day, etc... It has been difficult teaching her to be nice when she is the middle child and only has her 2 brothers to play with. Boys play alot differently than girls. I wish you luck with your child. I really can't give you advice each child has a different background and you can only alter someone's upbringing if you are active in their lives. I just wanted to offer you a ray of hope that bullies can change. Mainly all a bully really wants is attention because they probably don't get that much at home.

Katherine - posted on 12/12/2009

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1. If at all possible see if you can volunteer in the school. Even if you are not there at the exact moment of the bullying the fact that you will know the kids involved and the fact that your child will see your involvement is priceless in giving your child confidence.
2. I disagree with approching the bullying child's parents. Not that this won't work, but (call me jaded) most likely it will be frustrating experience to all involved. Most bullying kids learn their behavior somewhere and you're not going to change their parenting.
3. Get your child involved in activities that give them confidence - whatever works for your child. My kids are tiny.... gymnastics gave them physical confidence that nothing else could.... every child will have whatever makes them feel good about themselves.
4. Teach your child to stand tough. This may mean walking away 99% of the time, telling teacher/recess monitor, finding another play group, etc. I won't tell my kids this but I fear that ultimately some bullies will only turn away when they get knocked down themselves (agreee with Angie Bachida Kissner).

Angie - posted on 12/12/2009

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The more you go to the school, the worse it's going to make it for him. The bullies will find out that you've gone to the school because they will get in trouble and your son will be picked on all the more. Whatever you do, don't go to the parents. Parents will always defend their child and this will also cause the bullying to escalate. Just by reading the posts here you will see that parents never think their child is at fault. They blame the teacher when their child gets in trouble at school. They blame the school when their child can't follow the rules and has to pay the consequences. They want to the teacher to give all the attention to their child and ignore the rest of the class. I'm not sure what the answer is - my son was also bullied. He continued to be bullied until the day he knocked his bully to the bathroom floor in 5th grade. The only thing I think might be helpful is to go to the school counselor and ask for some good coping techniques for your child.

Tekita - posted on 12/12/2009

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WELL YOU NEED TO GO UP TO THE SCHOOL ABOUT THIS BECAUSE I'M NOT A BIG FAN OF BULLIES KIDS HAVE FEELINGS TOO.WE NEED FIND OUT WHO THESE BULLIES PARENTS ARE AND WHAT ARE THEIR CHILDREN GETTING TAUGHT AT HOME CAUSE WHAT EVER A KID IS LIKE IT COMES FROM THE HOME FIRST . REQUEST A MEETING WITH THESE KIDS MOM TO SOLVE THE ISSUE

Kelli - posted on 12/12/2009

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i would ask for a meeting with the kids parent and see if that will help.At this age kids don't really know how to defend themselves.You as a parent will not be there all the time so you have to teach ur son how to defend himself. We all have to understand all kids are not raised like ours. some are in foster homes, some raised by single parent,some abused,etc.which means they were not tought right from wrong.
Hun i have a lil boy with downs and i dont care what anyone says if they dont have respect for others then they must not have respect for themselves.God bless you and i hope everything get resolved.

Amanda - posted on 12/12/2009

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my son is kindegarden and he started wearing glasses this year so the bulliying happens in all grades children are mean they were when i was a kid and still are tell em sticks n stones may break mybones but words will never hurt me i know its only a bandaid but it works, also if teacher cant solve it ask for the kd parents u n teacher to powow maybe the other parents arent aware of thr kids behavior i know i wouldnt stand for it cuz i was picked on and the memores nevergo away u just get stronger

Diandra - posted on 12/12/2009

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Children tease other children out of jealousy sometimes. Is there a specific reason why he is teased? If the teacher cannot seem to get a handle on this, I suggest you speak to the Guidance Counselor for the school if this is having an adverse effect on your child. The counselor may be able to speak to the students as a group about how teasing is not good.

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