my son wants a dad.. what do i do?

Robyn - posted on 04/14/2010 ( 3 moms have responded )

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My son is 5 and his father AKA (sperm donor) has never been in his life. I havent had a relationship since then. He has never asked about his dad or why its just us. Then last year i met a man and had a relationship up until a few months ago when quite suddenly he went away. My son is taking it very hard and is very upset. I'd even say kinda depressed. I feel lost and I dont know what to do. He started doing poorly in school and extremely bad at home and in school. He keeps tellin me to bring his "dad" home, and I cant. Can someone please give me some tips or advise. I'm putting him in cubs scouts this summer, but should I try to find another man to fill my ex's shoes? I know that sounds bad, but my son is getting out of control... Please I need all the help I can get.

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Valerie - posted on 04/14/2010

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It is very difficult on small children when their single parent enters into relationships that end so the rule is unless you are serious don't bring the kids into it. You now see why. No you should not look for another man for your son. Do consider Big Brothers Big Sisters or some kind of pal program...ask him what he misses most and what would be helpful...let him know that you are sorry that relationship didn't work out and that one day the right person will come into your lives...did he call this guy dad? don't try to change his feelings...just listen and ask what would be helpful..if he gives you any answer that is reasonable follow through...if he comes up with things that aren't reasonable say that wont work for you so what else would be helpful...if the out of control continues get a counselor involved to help you and your son understand what will help you through this...all the best

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Gshermaine - posted on 04/15/2010

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This is hard and I had a friend in the same situation but the suggestions provided are right on track. Do not try to replace him with another person in your life which will/can possibly end in disappointment. I agree with a big brother program these volunteers are screened and have background checks done to TRY and secure their ethical dependability, that said I would suggest it but not allowing your son to go with anyone by himself you should be involved in all the activities that he can enjoy with a male figure but you supervise. cub scouts is a good start but moving forward in the next relationship keep the person away for a "great" while before he has the privledge to meet your most valuble possession - your son. I hope this and all the other suggestions help you and I wish you well. You being a single mother is definately held to a high standard in my world.

Crystal - posted on 04/14/2010

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Hello Hun, I was up until a year ago a single mother of three, 2 girls and a boy. Being a mother or parent for that matter is the hardest job one can imagine. No one can tell you how to raise your children it is a hands on type of thing. As far as replacing your ex so your son will do better my suggestion would be no!!!!! trying to replace one thing with another never works and not only are you risking your heart but your also risking your child's again. I'm not saying to stop dating, I guess the best way to put it is that dont try to search end and out for a "daddy" , let it come natural and things will work out.

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