Need advice on how to deal with my 5 yrolds constant misbehavior at school

CJ - posted on 12/06/2011 ( 5 moms have responded )

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I'm a single mother of a 5 year old boy. His dad is in and out of the picture but it has always been that way, I'm fairly sure that this is not the cause of his outburst. Since starting Kindergarten he has developed a number of behavior issues at school that I do not see at home, he is constantly disrupting class, talking back to teachers, throwing objects at teachers and tells them "I can do whatever I want" In the past 3 weeks he is in the office at least 3 times a week and it has been suggested that he may have to repeat Kindergarten already due to his immaturity and be unwilling to learn. I understand he is not taking this transition well being that we never had these issues at his preschool, the teachers are principals are being understanding and I can tell their patience is fading.

I feel like a total failure as a parent, I'm trying to do all I think I can at home to help him learn how to act appropriate with his emotions and verbalize them. He seems to be fine at home and with my parents, he doesn't lash out or have any of the above behaviors, it is like dr jekyll and mr hyde. I know that there is an issue going on and I'm trying to do all I can at hope to help him be better at school. Today after he got in trouble yet again, I removed all the toys from his room till he can learn to behave at school, I hate doing that, it hurts me too! He does face ramifications for his actions at school but I just don't know what to do anymore! The school counselors say they don't think he has ADHD......please any advice on what I can do would be great!

I have requested to meet with the vice principal so we can work together to get to the root of his problem.

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Sylvia - posted on 12/07/2011

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What is the classroom atmosphere like? Are the expectations age-appropriate? Do the kids get enough time during the morning/afternoon (you don't say when he goes to school) for free play and running around outside? Is the teacher's classroom management effective? Is the teacher nice to the kids? Is your son getting picked on by other kids? Is the classroom overcrowded? Is he the only one in his class (or in this teacher's classes, if s/he teaches both am and pm kinder) displaying these behaviours, or are there other kids doing similar things?

Usually, IME, when a kid has behaviour issues in only one setting, the setting isn't irrelevant. It's pretty normal for kids to make an effort to behave appropriately in public but let it all hang out at home; when the opposite is happening, I'd be inclined to think there's a reason, particularly since you say none of this stuff happened at preschool.

Marie - posted on 12/20/2011

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Let me first start by saying, I agree with all of the advice given. It is so good. Have you thought about asking his Preschool teachers if there was ever a time that they saw a change in behavior throughout his tenure in Pre-School. Also, you could speak to your Pediatrician to get the ball rolling for a behaviorial evaluation. Explain the situation clearly and the Pediatrician should ask you some specific questions pertaining to your son's behavior which can help them decide what work's best. They should be able to suggest the best evaluation possible. And you are a great parent.... You will fine the answer and just don't stop until you do. I will be praying for you and I promise you, that it will all work out.

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Jill - posted on 12/11/2011

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if he wasnt having these issues during preschool, i'm wondering if it's the atmosphere at school. Perhaps the teacher and him dont mesh well? sometimes teachers are great but dont always get along personality-wise with certain students. have you tried talking to your son and ask him why he's behaving this way? maybe all you'll get is a "i dunno..." but maybe having a "man-to-man" conversation with him, like an adult to see if you can get him to open up. if he wont talk to you, maybe someone else he's more comfortable talking to,or have him draw a picture of what he would like to change about school. it's possible that he is too immature for kindergarten. preschool is mostly play-based but kids are expected to do quite a bit in kindergarten nowadays. i've had many teachers tell me if we can wait to put our 4yo in kindergarten until she's 6, do it (instead of putting her in K when she's a young 5)

this sounds like such a frustrating situation. and there is no reason why lashing out at school shouldn't present discipline at home. it almost sounds like he's just testing his limits at school to see what he can/can't get away with. if expectations and limitations are clearly set, then consequences should be followed through consistently. if he doesn't straighten up, then another year of kindergarten might be the ticket. and there's nothing wrong with that! i'd much rather have my child repeat kindergarten than an older grade level where all his friends move on and not him. ya know?

AND you're NOT a failure as a parent!!!! you're doing what all the other moms out here would do. you do what you think is best and if it doesnt work, you move on to the next step and keep going until you find that niche that works. trial and error. you'll figure it out. hopefully he'll just talk to you and save you a lot of trouble. :) good luck. hang in there! you're not alone!

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 12/07/2011

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Have you had him in to your pediatrician? Behaviors like this can stem from ADHD to something in what they are eating.

It could be that your son is not quite at the same skill level as the others, and he feels left out. Or it could be that he is a bit advanced, and so he's getting bored. Little minds are fascinating. If they aren't kept busy at their level, they are disruptive little buggars!

My recommendation would be to meet with school officials. Get their opinion, and a record of his behavior. Then make an appointment with your pediatrician, and discuss your concerns with him

April - posted on 12/06/2011

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I'm having the same problems with my kindergartener. But he is bi-polar, has adhd, oppisitional defiance disorder and conduct disorder. He doesn't act out much at home anymore because he knows if he does he will get in major trouble. But at school the consequences aren't as harsh so they don't bother him. They are now going to do a 504 plan witch is branched off from special ed but isn't the same. They will make an intervention plan that helps him calm down when he starts getting angry. We are hopeing that this intervention will help calm him down before he hits or throws again. Just ask your sons school if they have a 504 plan for kids who act out. It keeps them from getting kicked out of school(which we have already went through with my 5 yr old). I hope this helps and good luck.

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